Feeling hopeless

[Mish66]

I haven't been on this forum for over a year, mainly because things at home got a little better than they were and our then 16yr old daughter came back home.  But things have really never improved within our family.  Our now 17 yr old daughter causes so much havoc in our household that my husband is always angry, I'm depressed and the other 2 kids have just had enough.  She refuses to do any jobs around the house and abuses us if we challenge her.  She left school two years ago and has a job 3 hours a day.  The worst part is she is addicted to weed and smokes it several times a day.  I caught her doing it this morning and it didn't bother her.  She's told me shes moving out next week with this 32 yr old woman who I suspect my daughter is dealing drugs for her.  Our daughter gets up in the night and goes off for an hour or so, we expect she is delivering.  We are at our wits end to know what to do.  If she leaves I will worry and if she stays we can't exist as a family.  She turns our world upside down.  I love her so much and just want her to live a happy healthy life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Mish66,

I'm glad that you came back here for support and sorry that your situation has not changed for the better.  Having a child that is unreachable/unteachable/out of control without any legal, treatment, or parental power to enforce is the toughest spot to be in. 

Have you consulted with the child services department in NZ to see if there are any avenues to explore that you haven't already? At  17 is she considered an adult?

lbj

[Butterflygirl]

When I feel hopeless I watch the movie the Shawshank Redemption. It is about hope and it cheers me up.

Emotions all have a life span. They come and they go. Chase after hope with affirmations or reaching out to others. Treat any underlying depession. AA always says, "This too shall pass." Studies show that your mind believes what you tell it like a computer who does what the programmer tells it to do. Hope may be lost for now, but what is lost can be found. It is somewhere in your mind. [Some people would say the heart, but that is just a muscle. Emotions are created and sustained in the mind.]

Butterflygirl

[kelti1972]

Hi and welcome:

Our son smoked weed for four or five years.  I know it got him through school and helped him keep his sanity and get his degree.  It was not medical weed, however, and he began to abuse it.  We kicked him out of our house and we had a break for three months.  He has found his own way to heal.  We had to establish boundaries and he is back home.  As long as he sticks to the boundaries and contract he developed and we agreed to, hopefully things will go better.

He cannot have any kind of illegal drugs anymore in our home or drink in our home.  He has to go to his therapy and DBT, have a part-time job and do chores.  He had to come up with all this in order to live here.  It did take him being homeless and gone for three months to sober living to realize some things. 

I believe we are never hopeless!  Good luck and keep coming back.  There is support, and lots of help and knowledge here!  Kelti