I guess the other name for this thread is Pin Cushion or Dart Board. I was wondering what things people have done to try to make there pwBPD happy.
We can't make them happy. Even for normal, non-disorder people, family, partners, spouses, etc. - you can't make them be happy. Each individual is responsible for themselves and their own happiness. You have never had the ability to make her happy and you never will.
That said, we're all guilty of getting sucked into the game of trying to make them happy, trying to make them accept and approve of us. We've all given up things we wanted, gone along with things we didn't want to, given things to them that actually caused us harm while doing so. Then, we've all learned it doesn't work and only gets us sucked in and hurt more and makes it harder and more painful to extricate ourselves from the situation when we finally decide to set some boundaries and hold them.
You're still worrying about her. She's still got you wrapped around her finger. That's why they treat people as they do. So they stay the center of attention.
What are you hoping to accomplish at this point? I don't intend any meanness but this is a harsh question. You come on here with the same complaint and same issues over and over, acknowledge what's going on and what needs to happen, and then always fail to follow through and default to the same reactions and kowtowing to her that you've always done. It results in the same thing it always has. It should not be surprising at this point.
What's the point of continuing to complain on the internet about this but not actually do anything about any of it in real life? Nothing will change until you do. If you aren't willing to act to improve your siutation, then honestly it might be time for some radical acceptance of how she is and change in perspective to one of she can act how she does, it's really not about you, and figure out how to let all be water rolling off a ducks back for you. Build a perspective where it doesn't affect you personally anymore.
Honestly, all her problems and complaints and behavior towards you... .it's all her problem. You don't have to fix her problems for her. If she has a problem with something about or with you, it's okay to let her have that problem. If she's wrong about something, it's okay to let her be wrong. You don't have to correct her or fix it for her. Let her figure it out and fix it herself and in the mean time don't take it personally.
I'm sorry if that's a bit of a harsh thing to say on here, but I really feel sometimes we all need a 2x4 upside the head to wake us up. I know I have in the past needed it myself.
