Update: Daughter left with granddaughter

[mggt]

As many of you know we asked d to leave last week due to another episode of hers.  She was gone for a week and we had our gd.  Last Wednesday we were waiting for xbf to drop gd off here 8.00 came and went texted him are you dropping her off no answer 9.00 pm still no answer finally our d texted us saying she had gd and was fine. Thursday night we get a call from my sister in-law saying she left took gd four hours away and moving in with newbf.  She has no license she got a Cinderella lisc to drive only to work and back no money and gd only had the clothes on her back when I dropped her off last wed at preschool.  She told sister inlaw she hated us and never coming back and she worked out something with xbf so she could leave the state with her d .I had reached out to newbf last week and told him about some of her illness and he seemed to know more about it than I thought but he could not understand why we would KICK HER OUT Im sure I made it worse by sharing info with him but at this stage I just cant pretend anymore always lying trying to protect her I still feel like the Moma Beer always wanting to protect her and keep this awful disease a secret but no more.  We are sick with  worry for our gd she is so attached to us and all her regular routines are gone preschool dad on weekends and other grandparents .  This morning our d texted us and said any mail please mail to this p.o. box that was it .  She will not have her regular lisc back till end of may that is if she does not get caught driving with this Cinderella license just got notice from her bank that the car insu checked bounced just another day in the life of BPD .  Please all say a special prayer for our little gd .  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Oh mggt I'm so sorry to hear that you won't be seeing GD  :'( and yes, will say a special prayer for her.

It sounds like the exbf is letting his D go out of state to live? Or is this only temporary?

[lbjnltx]

Hi mggt,

I feel like I'm catching up with an old friend... .(not calling you old sweety )

I'm sad to hear that the news about your d and gd isn't better.  Decisions like these that affect an innocent child are so hard to make.  I'm sure your worry for gd will continue, it would for any of us. 

I hope that your d will allow you to continue to be a constant source of stability, unconditional love and support for your gd. 

Offering prayers of protection for gd and prayers of strength and comfort to you and your husband.



lbjnltx

[jellibeans]

Dear mggt

I am just seeing this post. I am not on site much right now due to my dd. has anything changed? Have you had contact with gd? Can you tell me what you are fearing most?  I tend to think that things will change hopefully for the better. I know around here I just need to wait a bit of time and there is usually a change in the tide. I hope the change comes soon for you.

[tristesse]

Hi mggt

I am sorry about dd taking gd and leaving . I know how painful that can be. I am offering up a special prayer for gd's well being and one for you and your peace of mind. I'm sure you know that BPD is a wicked illness and takes our children away and turns them into beings we are unfamiliar with. All I can say to you, is have faith, and perhaps when xbf  does see your gd he will be kind enough to share the time with you.

I will be thinking of you.

[mggt]

Thank you all, My d moved 8 hours away round trip.  She has no job and still has her lics suspended she plans on coming back here every other weekend to drop gd off to see her dad. She came back about a week ago and dropped gd to see her dad for weekend .  She stopped by our house with gd for a hour or too and got some stuff to take with her back to newbf house.We were thrilled to see gd the first thing gd said to us was I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT GREEN HOUSE we just changed the subject with her.  My d and newbf were upstairs getting stuff to take back and we were just playing with gd my d had told her that we were on vacation because gd kept on asking for us.  This weekend she plans on coming back dropping gd off at dads going to concert in different state then driving back to newbf house then driving back here .  That is three different states she will be driving to with a suspended lics.  so worried she will get caught by police thrown in jail and car impounded I suggested someone else should drive but she said I WILL NOT GET CAUGHT . Just so worried for her and gd especially if she gets pulled over while she has gd with her .  This is the fourth NEW FAMILY and it never works out it all blows up and she ends up calling us to come home again and is even more angrier and mean when she comes back.  So I just sit and wait for that terrible phone call to come .  I just want her to be happy I would go the rest of  my life without seeing her if I knew she was happy and healthy .   

[jellibeans]

mggt

I just want her to be happy I would go the rest of  my life without seeing her if I knew she was happy and healthy . 

I think we all feel that way about our kids... .hopefully she has learned some things from the past relationships and things might be different. I know I have to try not to live in the past... .I really know how hard this is to do when you see them make the same mistakes and the same bad choices but I think this is part of having hope... .have hope mggt... .don't lose that

[qcarolr]

mggt

I have not been to bpdfamily for awhile, and am just seeing your posts here. My heart is with you, and my prayers for your gd. How old is she?  It is good that gd got to see you, even if briefly. How is gd's relationship with her daddy?

Have you considered seeking some grandparent visitation through the court? You DD being in a different state may make things more difficult. I know this has given other grandparents here a way to have regular, structured time with grandkids that they have an established supportive relationship with. Only a lawyer in your state could advise you as each state has it's own rules. It might be worth investing in a consultation. My suggestion, if you are interested, is to find someone with non-parent relationship experience.

Here are some informational links:

www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparents-rights/the-grandparens-guide-to-legal-resources

www.grandparents.about.com/od/grandparentingissues/a/VisitationRights.htm

As you have shared, our kids with BPD often change directions with little or no notice. Have you and your DH talked about the response next time asked to rescue your DD by allowing her to return to your home? This is a hard one when a grandchild is involved. Even though we have custody of our gd9 since infancy, her mom has been allowed to return to our home several times -- then made to leave. The up side is gd stays with us as she figures out her next move. For now things seem better with DD here. Gd is old enough now to express her opinions and what the 'house rules' are. We are very grateful for the daddy's help 8 years ago in getting custody voluntarily. It would have been so very painful and expensive to take to court.

Keeping you all in my hearth and prayers.

qcr

[reclaimed1]

Mggt,

I'm so sorry for your recent loss  . We are on this same journey and it's so traumatic.  :'(

I will definitely say a prayer for your GD. How good that she saw you two recently. Have you consulted with a local family attorney about visitation or custody?

You are not alone!

Reclaimed1

[mggt]

Hi everyone, Just a little update about my dd and gd .  She got her lisc back has job and gd is in daycare where they moved 4 hours away.  She comes home everyother weekend to drop gd off with her dad.  We went to visit her last weekend and had a very good time we all got along hallalooyah .  She is trying very hard to make it work there and as much as we miss her our home is much more peaceful of course she needed money for back insurance and other things so we helped her out very expensive weekend for us but worth it .  We felt like a regular family so it was a good weekend and that is what i am concentrating on for today 

[lbjnltx]

This is good news worth celebrating.

How does your granddaughter seem to be making the adjustment?

lbj

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kelti1972]

Hi:

So glad you had your latest experience with your dd and gd.  You will for sure be in our prayers and your dd and gd too.  Good luck and I know you will cherish the times you do have with your gd.  Kelti

[madmom]

Yeah, so glad that things are in a good place right now---I hope and pray this continues for you.   In the meantime I am sure you are grateful for a little peace for yourself and time to heal.

[qcarolr]

So glad to hear things feel more stable with your DD. The good visits are precious.

qcr