Hi Just_A_Mom,
I wanted to join madmom is welcoming you to the site, and hope you share more about what you're going through. What is your relationship like with your son right now?
People here understand and really do care. My son just turned 14 and while he has not been diagnosed BPD, he was diagnosed ODD, ADHD, anxiety/depression at age 9. I feel that the tools I learned here and from therapy have helped so much. The lessons and tools in the sidebar on the right are very useful (validation in particular, including SET and boundaries like madmom mentioned).
Two books that were particularly helpful are Blaise Aguirre's book (2nd edition) called BPD in Adolescence. The other is Raising Cain: The Hidden Emotional Life of Boys. This last one was particularly helpful because there is much more research on BPD in girls, and understanding the social + emotional culture that boys must survive made me recognize my own biases and knee-jerk responses to my son's emotional episodes.
You can mourn here and share your feelings of grief in this safe space. It's important to express how you're feeling and to take care of yourself while you are loving and living with someone who has BPD traits.
I'm glad you found us too.
LnL