Life is moving forward

[louisnorman]

  I have posted before but it has been awhile.  I had been telling people that my life was a roller coaster ride dealing with my wife.  Our relationship was a text book BPD relationship, she was like no other women I had ever met, I knew about her past but I had one to, we were both in recovery. My thinking was this is great both in recovery we understand what the other is going through.  Well I look back now and I find myself thinking was anything real.  She cheated on me several times when she was in need she called me. I walked into a suicide attempt the same day she relapsed, I had to call the police because I could not deal with it, they took her to crises they sent her home the next morning even with previous attempts. She called me lied then lift for the week in the end she got her 2nd DUI in two years this ended up with not only loosing her driver licenses, she also lost her nursing licenses.  After all this we moved back into together and she told me like she did before you are all I want and all I need. Same song and dance. She went to jail for 45 days for the DUI, she gave me the car to use for a year until she got her licenses back. Before entering prison we had split again but I got the car. A week after going to prison she calls had a change of heart, she was sorry, same song and dance. Yes I fell for it took money to her and what ever she needed, she got out took her away for the week end dropped her off on Sunday and found she was with another man that night. 

   I had the car she shows up two weeks after getting out with two other demanding the car, well in the state I live what ever is purchased during a marriage is equal ownership.  She was demanding the other person was trying to get in the driver door with me in it the third was down the drive.  I backed up with foot on brake then went on my way returned from a weekend trip texted her and said pick up car I am not dealing with all this. One month later I get papers in the mail reporting that I have several charges against me.  Today I have excepted the ARD program through the courts because I could not afford a trial and did not want to chance it.  I have been in trouble in my past and always took ownership but to be punished for something I did not do is hard to except.  I have moved on or trying she has me so much in det that all I do is work but can not get a head. Today with out her I have piece, I fear the though of relationships I see women and judge them, what I mean is I think to myself does she sleep around with people she does not know (like my wife), the questions go on and on.  I tell God I am doing my best and through it all I stayed clean and sober that is a blessing,     

[Herodias]

Gosh, your life sounds like mine. I actually just posted about BPD and Law Enforcement, so you can read my story. I keep seeing people here pining for lost love, but wondered if anyone had been through the hell that I have... .I believe you have a similar situation. I was trying to figure out what I would do if my stbx husband does go to jail this time. I don't want to help, but am the one with access to his money. The gF is not. I see what happened to you when you helped. I am so sorry for you and can totally relate. I am separated from mine. I do not want to live this way any longer... .I think I just feel alone and want to meet someone nice, but not sure if it's possible. I feel like I have had such a long history with this person as I am sure you feel the same. You wonder when they will just wake up and realize that we are the ones who are there for them. I think they just don't want to face us because we know the truth and it's easier to fall into another persons arms where they can pretend to be normal... .until they find out. The whole thing is very very sad.