Advice for appeal in New Zealand high court

[BLK]

My ex wife with BPD spent $85.000.00 on a lawyer and I was on legal aid. everything went down like a nightmare.  I have to set a president so men in NZ can use it.  

1.  Is there any way I can get someones phone number of a legal expert?  

2.  Most important, the police have been investigating my ex wife violence against my son and me.  The do not know how to prosicute a BPD wife.  Can you help

3.  1 out of 3 calls to the police regarding domestic violence the man is the victim!  Yet there is not one phone number a man can call or a single organisation that a man can call for help.

    IO am not exagerating I mean ZERO.  Will you please the best of websites, organisations, toll free numbers and best of information so I can put together a website here.

4.  Please tell me where I read that it is common for BPD wives find a man 12 to 15 years old than them which the man would never get a woman like this.  The woman then gets the man      to emotionally and finically back the campaign against the former husband.

5. is there a legal brief I can give the judge to quickly get him up to speed with statistics and best practice notes ecetera?

6.  There is not a single Psychologis or therapist in the greater Wellington region that comes up when you search on line using the term BPD so I need info on that.

7.  A simple and solid explanation of Distortion Campaign will be very healthy.

This is going to help a lot of family down here!  Thank you!

[Aussie JJ]

BLK,

Best advice i got given for this was to do nothing towards her only concentrate on your child or children and let the professionals do the rest.  Give me a bit to google search some stuff for you mate. 

I'm australian so across the pond, some of our stuff may be of use. 

Firstly, is your wife diagnosed, this is very important when throwing around distortion campaigns and "labels" associate with behaviours. 

[Aussie JJ]

Again,

word of caution these are links off the internet. 

A fair few don't put down BPD as a description, professionals who have experience in trauma, grief loss etc along with addiction are often a good starting point for yourself.  This sounds a bit vague however BPD relationships can be addictive and often their are substance abuse issues involved as well for the pwBPD in one way shape or form. 

List of psychologists in your area. 

www.talkingworks.co.nz/dir/wellington/wellington.html

There are probably more.  Advice I got given by both my solicitor and psychologist was to get the short list of psychoogists to present to the judge for my ex partner to choose from.  Dotn know your full situation (She has spent 85,000 on lawyers fees your a fair way into this) however of the four we put forward, ALL were qualified to give reports to the court and all had worked with personality disorders in one way or another.  Working in the prison system where mental health issues and personality disorders are more likely statistically was a bonus to myself and when we had three selected to put forward the fourth name came from looking at psychologists that did criminal matters or reports for basically criminal cases. 

Family reports or observations and recommendations about a way forward regarding custody are a different matter.  It is different in the US to what it is in Australia.  Local knowledge is key to selecting knowledgeable people to perform this task.  Again here, dont know what stage of the process you are up to. 

When is it going to court, more background on where your at and what has transpired so far to assist you further. 

Regards,


AJJ. 

[BLK]

With all due respect, thank you for nothing.  I know how to look up things on th internet. Notice non of them mentioned BPD!

Any way mo mom has BPD and my wife.  I thought I was clear with my question.

[Aussie JJ]

 

My ex wife with BPD spent $85.000.00 on a lawyer and I was on legal aid. everything went down like a nightmare.  I have to set a president so men in NZ can use it.  

1.  Is there any way I can get someones phone number of a legal expert?  

2.  Most important, the police have been investigating my ex wife violence against my son and me.  The do not know how to prosicute a BPD wife.  Can you help

3.  1 out of 3 calls to the police regarding domestic violence the man is the victim!  Yet there is not one phone number a man can call or a single organisation that a man can call for help.

    IO am not exagerating I mean ZERO.  Will you please the best of websites, organisations, toll free numbers and best of information so I can put together a website here.

4.  Please tell me where I read that it is common for BPD wives find a man 12 to 15 years old than them which the man would never get a woman like this.  The woman then gets the man      to emotionally and finically back the campaign against the former husband.

5. is there a legal brief I can give the judge to quickly get him up to speed with statistics and best practice notes ecetera?

6.  There is not a single Psychologis or therapist in the greater Wellington region that comes up when you search on line using the term BPD so I need info on that.

7.  A simple and solid explanation of Distortion Campaign will be very healthy.

This is going to help a lot of family down here!  Thank you!

1.  Yes pay the legal expert.  Their are various help lines and sources.  Legal aid is one of them.  Randy Kruger provides this facility through her website so you can talk to her or to someone else form the high conflict institute who specialise in this area.  

2.  They prosecute like ANY and EVERY other case.  On the behaviours and the actions.  BPD or no BPD it doesnt make a difference to the Police.  

3.  Try the women's help lines, bugger it why not.  Seriously, I got some of the best advice I could get by calling the women's help lines, they are all run out of the same call centre in Footscray Victora in Australia, it is different information packs they hand out.  Go into a women's violence centre, say, I am not a women, this is occurring, hopefully you can help me as its still violence.  

4.  You can read this on any thread in the leaving section.  As to whom people choose to be their partners their is no law against a age gap.  Foccusing on this and your wife's adult behaviours is just derailing your case when you have to focus on her parenting behaviours and secondly, her adult behaviours and how they effect her parenting capacity.  

5.  If you walk in and hand a judge a brief of what you wan t him to do or htis is whats happening and here is this and that as an EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED PARTY. Your not going to get anywhere, yuo need an independant expert to tell the judge what sis happenign based on the behaviours.  

6.  Alot of the psychologists I provided list "relationship problems".  Seeing as BPD is of many things, a relational disorder this isnt a bad start i would think.  Heck, call them up and ask.  :)ont like my google seach as its the same as yours, try the telephone.  

7.  List the behaviours, the inconsistencies, the facts are listed here in this documentation, her version of it is here.  Show the disconnect between reality and what is occurring in a factual manner.  

No-one, mothers (there are mother here as well as dad's) and fathers, got to where they are by asking for carbon print solutions, we got guidance from supports such as this website however there are a lot of things we did ourselves to get these answers.  

Something that is missing in a big way, what are you appealing in the NZ high court, hat are you fighting against here now.  Is it custody, financial, she wants to move with sugar daddy.  This is where more information is needed before any guidance can be given.  

With all due respect, thank you for nothing.  I know how to look up things on th internet. Notice non of them mentioned BPD!

Any way mo mom has BPD and my wife.  I thought I was clear with my question.

If you don't like my Google search, nor your google search.  Try calling or e-mailing the therapists in question to get more information form them.  

Nothing was mentioned in regards to your mother having BPD, their was no clarity in that.  


AJJ.  

[Blimblam]

BLK I cant speak for all psychologists but calling them and asking their familiarity with BPD will probably yield a lot of results.  Within psychoanalysis at least anyone with the phd should be fairly familiar with BPD and the traits as Borderline and Narcissistic traits make up a fairly large part of the discourse on how those traits are becoming more and more prevalent within the population. That is to say they probably expect all their patients to display some level of borderline or narcisitic traits to varying degrees while only a small percentage would qualify for DSM diagnosis of the disorder.

[ForeverDad]

Is she actually diagnosed with BPD?  If not then many courts would ignore your claims that she is BPD.  Despite your close contact with her for years, you won't be seen as a trained expert.  In short, they don't want a litigant to "play doctor".  (Even if you were a qualified expert, the policy may apply that you shouldn't treat or diagnose a family member, the expectation of your impartiality toward the doctor/patient relationship would be compromised.)

Many courts are not inclined to change people, they deal with them as they are.  They shy away from seeking a diagnostic label.  Even my custody evaluator told me in the first session, "I'm not here to diagnose anyone, I'm here to determine what parenting recommendations to provide to the court."  Most courts focus, not on a diagnostic label which may or may not apply to a greater or lesser extent, but on the behaviors.  And they give emphasis to the parenting behaviors over the adult behaviors such as with you.  My CE's initial report summarized, in part, "Mother cannot share 'her' child but Father can... ."  Yes, not a diagnosis, in some 10 years none has ever been mentioned, but the impact of the parenting behaviors did make a difference over time.

This may not be how things are done in your county, this may not be what you want to hear, but whatever else, "facing the facts" is what you end up having to do.  Yes, court often is not fair, it's a judicial system, not a justice system.  You have to deal with the courts as they are and with strategies that work with them, just as you have to deal with your ex as he/she is and with strategies that work with him/her.