Asking For Advice

[Raemichelle]

I've been in a relationship with my bf for over a year. In the last 4 months they have taken a turn for the worst and we called off our relationship and went back a step to dating. Through out our relationship he has done things that have hurt my trust in him. Just last night he told me about his condition for the first time. He's just now getting help. I want to know if there is anything I can do or if it's out of my reach.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Bpdwifelife]

You arrived at the right place. You will learn a lot here. Your question is very general so I would start with reading about other peoples experiences and the articles and lessons here. Best of luck to you.

[vortex of confusion]

 

I want to second what Bpdwifelife says and point you to the Lessons that you can find down the right side. There is a lot of really good information in the lessons.

I would recommend becoming as knowledgeable as possible about BPD. There isn't much you can do about it other than make sure that you have good communication skills. Also, I would recommend making sure that you are very secure in yourself. If you have activities that you like to do separate from your boyfriend, then make sure that you continue to do them. Make sure that you have a life separate from him. One of the things that is so easy to do in a relationship is lose yourself in the relationship. I think it is even easier to lose yourself in a BPD relationship because of the intensity and confusion that can happen.

Welcome! As you read the lessons, post if you have questions or need clarifications. If you are struggling with communicating with your bf, post about it and somebody can try to help you figure it out.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi  Raemichelle, 

Welcome aboard. 

I am sorry that you are having difficulties with your relationship.    It is really tough to take a step back in your relationship. I have been through a point in my relationship, where we had to take steps backwards. Surprisingly, taking steps backwards has helped improved my relationship with my person with BPD (pwBPD). It has given my bf and I the opportunity to work on ourselves, which has helped improved our relationship.

What types of things have hurt your trust in him? 

Taking care of yourself is the one thing that you can do to help improve your relationship. Many times our relationships can be mentally exhausting and affect our self-esteem and confidence. Learning how to care for yourself first is really important.

Keep posting and sharing your story. You will find that there are many people who are going through similar situations. 

Looking forward to reading your response.

[an0ught]

Hi Raemichelle,

you came really to the right place at the right time. You can help him a lot by focusing on yourself and being generally supportive of his choice. Therapy is for him and if he needs help from your side he needs to tell you. Tell him it is important for you that he works on himself but also tell him that you respect the privacy of the T-bf relationship.

In the last 4 months they have taken a turn for the worst and we called off our relationship and went back a step to dating.

Holding him accountable for his behavior is usually a good idea. It shows that you have still somewhat intact boundaries 

Start out with studying the LESSONS. You certainly benefit from studying communication skills. Not that anything is wrong with yours but dealing with a pwBPD requires us to have way above average skills in abnormal pressure situations. Participating in discussion and posting your own threads help you to grow there.

,

a0