Confusing Dreams

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi All,

How many of you regularly dream about your parents, and how do you deal with these dreams? I believe dreams help us process things; as such, every and any dream is alright.

I broke off contact with my parents four years ago. My mother most likely suffers from BPD. My father was very abusive when I was a child. Later, we had little contact. At times though, we got along, and a few shared interests and passions—such as music—meant that we did sometimes have interesting conversations. Beyond that though, we never really had much of a relationship. My parents are getting on in age; my mother is in her late seventies, and my father is eighty.

Recently, I've been having weird dreams. I regularly dream that my partner and I go to visit my parents; we have contact again, and things seem quite normal, even enjoyable. I also dreamt that my mother came to visit us. She was tiny in the dream: she looked like an adult, but she was the size of a little child. I took her hand and showed her around. In another dream, my parents died, and I was grief-stricken. I woke up feeling very sad.

In my waking life, I have no desire whatsoever to see my parents! Having my mother visit us—yikes—what a thought! I can imagine her criticizing everything here: where and how we live, that I'm a ___ty cook, etc.

Does anyone here have similar dreams? What do you make of them? Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Do I have an unacknowledged wish to see my parents again, or am I just scared of the inevitable: they are old. They will die. Will I have to re-examine my choices?

I look forward to your replies!

Celia

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[CeliaBea]

Hi All,

How many of you regularly dream about your parents, and how do you deal with these dreams? I believe dreams help us process things; as such, every and any dream is alright.

I broke off contact with my parents four years ago. My mother most likely suffers from BPD. My father was very abusive when I was a child. Later, we had little contact. At times though, we got along, and a few shared interests and passions—such as music—meant that we did sometimes have interesting conversations. Beyond that though, we never really had much of a relationship. My parents are getting on in age; my mother is in her late seventies, and my father is eighty.

Recently, I've been having weird dreams. I regularly dream that my partner and I go to visit my parents; we have contact again, and things seem quite normal, even enjoyable. I also dreamt that my mother came to visit us. She was tiny in the dream: she looked like an adult, but she was the size of a little child. I took her hand and showed her around. In another dream, my parents died, and I was grief-stricken. I woke up feeling very sad.

In my waking life, I have no desire whatsoever to see my parents! Having my mother visit us—yikes—what a thought! I can imagine her criticizing everything here: where and how we live, that I'm a ___ty cook, etc.

Does anyone here have similar dreams? What do you make of them? Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Do I have an unacknowledged wish to see my parents again, or am I just scared of the inevitable: they are old. They will die. Will I have to re-examine my choices?

I look forward to your replies!

Celia

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[Suzn]

Hi Celia

I've been looking up my dreams for a long time now. I always google the symbolism from objects in them.

From everything I've read about dreaming about our mothers it's more about our own internal guidance and intuition. Have you been struggling with a decision lately? I think it's interesting that your mother was small in your dream. Do you feel your internal guidance is lacking or small?

I've also read it can be about our maternal instincts or being a caretaker in our waking life. Are you or have you been responsible for someone else lately?

Just a few thoughts to throw out there, hope it helps. 

[CeliaBea]

Hi Suzn,

Thanks for your reply!

Hi Celia

I've been looking up my dreams for a long time now. I always google the symbolism from objects in them.

From everything I've read about dreaming about our mothers it's more about our own internal guidance and intuition. Have you been struggling with a decision lately? I think it's interesting that your mother was small in your dream. Do you feel your internal guidance is lacking or small?

I've also read it can be about our maternal instincts or being a caretaker in our waking life. Are you or have you been responsible for someone else lately?

Just a few thoughts to throw out there, hope it helps. 

That's really interesting: any thought of my mother is so—how can I explain this?—emotional, brings up so much anger, resentment, bad memories etc., that I would have never considered the possibility that the figure of the mother in my dreams could be representing my inner guidance or intuition. That's definitely something to think about!

I haven't struggled with my decision in so far as I know 100% that NC has helped me heal and become much more grounded. I feel so much healthier now than I did when we were still in touch. I can't live my life, in peace, and focus on my relationship and career while having to deal with my parents. It's just too draining, too hard. There is no way for me to respect myself and at the same time allow my parents to treat me the way they have. When I broke off contact on a trial basis and made some demands—asked my mother to be more respectful and to not insult me—she chose to have no contact whatsoever instead of trying to behave differently. To me, that shows I made the right decision. NC means I can preserve (or restore) my sanity, live in peace, and love and look after my own family instead of my needy mother and my aloof father, who's never had too much to do with me anyway... .

However, a few months ago my aunt (my mother's younger sister) died, and then the mother of a colleague, and then the father of another colleague passed away. I guess that's why I've been thinking more about the fact that my parents are getting old. It's sad that there won't be any resolution, that there won't be any goodbyes. Who knows, unless my brother phones me, I may not even find out if, or when, our parents die.

Celia