Bad Habits

[myself]

Am wondering what bad habits others may have picked up from being with your ex? This isn't meant to bash the ex, but to put the focus on us and see what we're still changing/need to change. What we're still detaching from. For me, I'd say it's been drinking alcohol. She liked to drink, and I drank with her. Too much of a 'good thing' though can also be unhealthy. So I'm drinking less now. I wouldn't say alcohol was a big problem between she and I, but looking back it probably helped her get to where she'd be triggered more easily, and didn't help me handle that as well as I could have. Anyone else have something that you see became a more negative than positive pattern you can (or did) do something about that will benefit your life?

[SummerStorm]

I also drank more when she was around, but I'm not a huge fan of alcohol (one drink and I'm good), so that was easy to give up.

I started texting while driving, which is something she did all the time and is something I promised myself I'd never do.

I became obsessed with checking my phone, mostly because she was always texting me.  Prior to meeting her, I was never on my phone.  She is constantly on her phone.

I became really lazy, especially when she was at my house.  We just sat around and watched TV.

I stayed inside a lot.  I'm still trying to get over this, as I've been spending a lot of time here on bpdfamily.  But usually, I love being outside.  She would come over, we'd go upstairs to my room, and lie in bed for hours. 

When she slept at my house, I lost motivation to get up in the morning, even during the week.  Usually, I hop right out of bed when my alarm goes off.  Like her, I kept hitting the snooze button, and neither one of us would get up until 30-45 minutes after we should have.

I started being late to everything, which is one of her worst traits.  I've always shown up later to work (I'm a teacher, so we can come in as early as 6 or as late as 7:20, when our contract time starts) because I can't get work done in the morning, but for months, I was coming in right at 7:20 or at 7:25.

I stopped being responsible at work.  I forgot to reply to e-mails from parents, forgot to complete a task that the assistant principal said I needed to complete, stopped writing lesson plans, stopped grading papers, and replied to texts and e-mails from her in the middle of a class.  Those were all things she did.

[Popcorn71]

I did pick up some bad habits when I was with my xBPDh.  He swore a lot (after the few few months of pretending he didn't).  I also thought nothing of cussing after a few months with him.  That wasn't like me at all.

He rarely ate anything I cooked so I picked up the habit of eating out or buying takeaways several times a week which was his preference.

He was obsessed with certain 'rules' around the house, such as turning lights off when leaving a room, keeping doors shut at night, using the same cup throughout the day to save washing it, etc.  I began to follow these rules too.

He was very aggressive and argumentative with an arrogant air about him.  Again, I followed his example.

Fortunately, two years after splitting up, I can thankfully say that these habits have gone and I realise how much I changed about myself to please him.

[Fox Mulder]

Before I met her, I was okay with being by myself for extended periods of time.

While I was with her, she was constantly messaging me to confirm that I still loved her. I was more than happy to let her know that I did.

Now that she's gone, I feel like I've picked up on that habit of hers. I constantly need people to assure me that I'm likable and lovable and desirable, and even when I do get that assurance, it holds me over for a couple hours at most and then I need more.

It's been a year since she left and I still feel like some of what was poisoning her remains in my veins.

[Yolanda123]

I am still constantly checking my cell phone as we were texting almost non stop through the day, and night if he was at his place. And he would get very insecure/jealous/irrational if I did not text him back fast enough.

I still feel anxious and in a hurry when running errands on my way back from work, or on my way to an appointment, etc. because he would text me/call me to know if I was arrived and would get all suspicious, even accusatory if it took me longer than supposed... .

In short, I had gotten into the bad habit of justifying myself A LOT, when I had done nothing wrong... .

I vow to never do that again.

[SummerStorm]

I am still constantly checking my cell phone as we were texting almost non stop through the day, and night if he was at his place. And he would get very insecure/jealous/irrational if I did not text him back fast enough.

I still feel anxious and in a hurry when running errands on my way back from work, or on my way to an appointment, etc. because he would text me/call me to know if I was arrived and would get all suspicious, even accusatory if it took me longer than supposed... .

In short, I had gotten into the bad habit of justifying myself A LOT, when I had done nothing wrong... .

I vow to never do that again.

I was obsessed with checking my phone.  And then, once she started devaluing me, she stopped texting me.   Once, she said, "Yeah, I read all your texts.  I just didn't respond." So, I turned into the one who kept texting, just trying to get some sort of response from her. She told me I was clingy.  All of this stuff just screws with your mind so much.  Two days before, she couldn't stop texting me. Heck, five days before that, she was texting me when I was asleep!  And then, without warning, nothing.