Intro

[Reddog]

I'm new to this community but have already been benefitting from all of the information and posts.  My daughter is 25.  She started cutting around age 13, suicidal at age 17, hospitalized at age 19.  She is diagnosed MDD, but has borderline traits.  She is smart, kind, and attractive.  Unfortunately, she doesn't see that.  Her self-loathing knows no bounds.  Her anger is seldom directed as us, her family, it is mostly turned inward.  Two weeks ago, she was so upset at a perceived rejection, she sliced up her arm and took a number of Xanax.  My husband and I were out of town.  My son called and I came home that night.  Unfortunately, I did not call an ambulance.  She was lucid and over the moment by the time I got home and refused to go to the crises center.  But, in hindsight, I should have called the ambulance.  I struggle with enabling her.  I have been reading some on co-dependency and realized that that is where I am with my daughter.  I have a lot of anxiety, and trying to control her (by nagging and researching usually) gives me an illusion that I am doing something.

She just moved out of our house again two weeks ago (she lived away during college).  She is a little over an hour away, living with her boyfriend, and just started a new job.  She doesn't have a new therapist yet.  I live waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Every text from her results in my heart pounding.  Is it her, saying that she just wants to die and can't go on... .

I am waiting to get into a family connections program near me , if possible, or remote.  I research relentlessly online for information that will help.  I am thankful to have found this community.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders