Military families and BPD spouse

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I've been reading posts on this site and noticed several people are former military/military and have BPD partners. It has caught my eye because I have an old friend who is a Marine and recently married a BPD and my in-laws and FOO are both former military with BPD spouses.

Is this a common partnership? Because of my family experiences, I've often wondered if the military lifestyle lends itself to codependent relationships.

[Seoulsister]

I've been reading posts on this site and noticed several people are former military/military and have BPD partners. It has caught my eye because I have an old friend who is a Marine and recently married a BPD and my in-laws and FOO are both former military with BPD spouses.

Is this a common partnership? Because of my family experiences, I've often wondered if the military lifestyle lends itself to codependent relationships.

[Kwamina]

Hi Seoulsister

There has been written about certain types of people getting in relationships with BPD partners. For instance,  someone with narcissistic traits like the classic 'NPD King' marrying a 'BPD Queen'.

Another example is when a person with BPD 'selects' a spouse he/she perceives as strong and/or a caretaker.

Could you tell us a bit more about the military people you are talking about here? Other than the military aspect, can you also identify any other shared characteristics they might have?

BPD also comes in various forms. Can you identify any specific shared characteristics of the particular BPD partners you are talking about here?

[enlighten me]

There is a thread on here on what we do for a living. A lot are military, health care, engineers. All carers and problem solvers. Military life is perfect for a pwBPD especially females. They have the security and status of being with someone in the military. They also get a lot of time to do as they please when partners away. They also have a large ready supply of admirers.

I speak from personal experience as I was in the army and was married to my uBPD exw at the time. I can now see how a pwBPD could thrive in that enviroment.

[Seoulsister]

Could you tell us a bit more about the military people you are talking about here? Other than the military aspect, can you also identify any other shared characteristics they might have?

Can you identify any specific shared characteristics of the particular BPD partners you are talking about here?

The military members I'm referring to tend to act almost as the parent to their partner. They are authoritarians, tend to follow rules and schedules and are problem solvers, caretaker/rescuers

Their BPD partners are needy, attention-seeking and emotionally unstable. These particular women haven't held jobs and are easily overwhelmed. Their partners tend to do most of the household chores/finances/cooking

[Seoulsister]

There is a thread on here on what we do for a living. A lot are military, health care, engineers. All carers and problem solvers. Military life is perfect for a pwBPD especially females. They have the security and status of being with someone in the military. They also get a lot of time to do as they please when partners away. They also have a large ready supply of admirers.

I speak from personal experience as I was in the army and was married to my uBPD exw at the time. I can now see how a pwBPD could thrive in that enviroment.

I think the fact that spouses are referred to as "dependents" sends a definite message  . Now I know that most spouses have their own lives/careers but for those who don't, it seems easy to enmesh. The unit social life for the spouses intrigues me; it provides instant (almost forced) friendship wherever they live.

[enlighten me]

After finding out about BPD I was amazed at how many of my friends had wives that displayed BPD traits. I was in Afghanistan at the time and you get a lot of time sat around chatting. At least three of my friends wives were likely BPD. Another three had ex wives that could have been and several more had exgfs that fitted BPD.

I think service personnel are easy targets. The whole white knight rescuer Is strong. The fact that they move around a lot and are lonely leaves them open to falling for the wrong person.