I just went NC with my uBPDmom

[Depression = 72% of members]

You can filter through some of my recent messages for the backstory but I made the decision to go NC as of this morning.  I'm going to need to rely on your experiences and support.  Thank you.

I'm FREE! 

My mom pulled more crap in a text this morning.  I won't go into the boring details because it's too complicated of a background story but after burying my dad's ashes this weekend, I simply see the light that I will never be free of her.  She is determined to not let me live my life but to suck me into drama on a daily basis.  I am grieving my dad and the bottom line is I don't need the toxicity that she cannot stop from spewing at me. 

Essentially, I had proof in writing that she was accusing me of something that she herself had done.  She had sent a text with that proof to my aunt and so I copied it and sent it to her and said, "I'm done.  Don't contact me again and if you need to know why we no longer have a relationship, look in the mirror."  I have blocked her e-mail, phone number and facebook accounts. 

I have mostly a sense of relief.  A tiny amount of sadness and guilt that she is mentally ill and I am abandoning her so shortly after my dad died - but I KNOW in my heart that she will only make me suffer and I need to protect myself from that.  I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown every time I get a text or a phone call. 

She never let my dad have peace and I believe that contributed to his life being shortened.  The one thing I have control over is history not repeating itself and her not making me emotionally and phsycially ill too. 

I am also afraid of the flying monkeys I know who will be trying to contact me and making me out to be the devil who abandoned my poor mother in such a time of distress but in my heart, I know that if they really knew who she was, they would understand.

[keldubs78]

You can filter through some of my recent messages for the backstory but I made the decision to go NC as of this morning.  I'm going to need to rely on your experiences and support.  Thank you.

I'm FREE! 

My mom pulled more crap in a text this morning.  I won't go into the boring details because it's too complicated of a background story but after burying my dad's ashes this weekend, I simply see the light that I will never be free of her.  She is determined to not let me live my life but to suck me into drama on a daily basis.  I am grieving my dad and the bottom line is I don't need the toxicity that she cannot stop from spewing at me. 

Essentially, I had proof in writing that she was accusing me of something that she herself had done.  She had sent a text with that proof to my aunt and so I copied it and sent it to her and said, "I'm done.  Don't contact me again and if you need to know why we no longer have a relationship, look in the mirror."  I have blocked her e-mail, phone number and facebook accounts. 

I have mostly a sense of relief.  A tiny amount of sadness and guilt that she is mentally ill and I am abandoning her so shortly after my dad died - but I KNOW in my heart that she will only make me suffer and I need to protect myself from that.  I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown every time I get a text or a phone call. 

She never let my dad have peace and I believe that contributed to his life being shortened.  The one thing I have control over is history not repeating itself and her not making me emotionally and phsycially ill too. 

I am also afraid of the flying monkeys I know who will be trying to contact me and making me out to be the devil who abandoned my poor mother in such a time of distress but in my heart, I know that if they really knew who she was, they would understand.

[SunshinePuzzle]

Hugs to you, keldubs!  I am glad you are feeling some relief, some freedom.  You deserve to have a safe space to mourn your dad.  Do not let the 'flying monkeys' (I love that you described them that way, ha) get to you during this period of NC. The fact that you can anticipate that she would send people after you to make you feel bad about this is good - so you can envision and practice how you will respond. At the end of the day, I have to remind myself (when my mom does similar things) - who cares what these other people think. That's their choice to believe it, and hopefully my actions will speak for themselves in the end.

I'm proud of you! 

[littlebirdcline]

Good for you! I am a few months into NC, and I can tell you, it gets easier with time.