Looking for hope

[Goldstarfish]

Hello people, my 16-yr-old child is currently a ward of the adolescent mental health wing of our local hospital as a result of attempting suicide by running in front of a car. He has now been in for 12 days and has been scratching the skin off of his arms as well as having made a second serious attempt in the hospital. The psychiatrist in the hospital has suggested BPD as a possible diagnosis, along with both depression and anxiety, and the more my husband and I read about it, the more we feel BPD fits this child.

Right now we are still in a bit of shock, but this child has a lot of support and we just hope that we can help him to stay alive and stop hurting himself.

Our child is also transgender, ftm non-binary trans, and I am trying to figure out if there is a connection between his transgender status and BPD. The transgender identity has only surfaced this year, since January (it was not at all evident before this year). If anyone has any experience with this, please share, and thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Aroundtheblock]

So sorry for all your hurt.  You can learn so much from all the parents here.  Your not alone. 

Your son is safest where he is right now.  Try to rest a bit.  A good therapist is the key.  My stepdaughter went through many until we found one who was aggressive with her.  He flat out told her she wasn't right in the head and has set boundaries that she still often crosses.  Unfortunately there is no cure, but you as a parent can learn coping skills and set boundaries for yourself.

Hugs.

[tristesse]

Hello Godstarfish and welcome to bpdfamily

I am also sorry for the trauma you have recently experienced and the hurt you must still be feeling.

I want to assure you that there is hope for a better tomorrow. Your son can get better, and live a more confident and peaceful life, and you can help in that process by learning different ways to communicate with him.

This site is full of support and information , and the tools and lessons on the right side of this board will teach you how to  use things like SET ( support, empathy , truth ) how not to JADE ( JUSTIFY, ARGUE , DEFEND , EXPLAIN ).

My own daughter Is 31 and we lived a life in hell for so many years, I thought she would never find peace or be happy, but she has made vast improvements over the past year because I found this site and learned how to communicate effectively with her black and white thinking.  I don't want o mislead you, there are still issues sometimes, and BPD is only a small portion of her problems, but we coexist in a much better way now.

Please continue to tell your story, the more information you post, the easier it is to advise you. For now, take some time for you, breathe deeply and relax, your boy is getting the help he needs. Sexual identity is difficult, especially for a teen, and when they feel different from their friends, it is  traumatic at best, when you ad BPD to that already troubled mix, it compounds the issue. 

I wish you and your family well, good luck and I hope to hear more from  you soon.

[madmom]

Hello Goldstarfish and welcome---I am so sorry for you pain and am sending you love and support.   My own daughter began to really show her problems with BPD at 16 and she is 27 now.  It has been a long and bumpy road, but I can offer you hope because she is doing amazingly well now.  My daughter was hospitalized about five years ago, and although my husband and I just felt numb and worried and tons of other emotions that I don't even have words for, it was a good thing.  Through that experience we found out she was BPD, we found help (although that took a few trial and errors) and best of all, I found this site.  By using the things I learned from the tools and lessons I found here and the amazing support and advice I received from all the total strangers who I found here helped me to heal and learn to deal with my daughter and I credit this place with helping us help her to get better.  I am sorry I don't know about transgender, but I find it so admirable that you are so willing to accept and love your child no matter what.  I am anxious to hear more from you.  Take care and know that I am thinking of you and hoping for the best during this difficult time.

[meantcorn34]

Goldfishstar, My son, 23, is transgender ftm and diagnosed with BPD.

[Quama]

Dear Goldstarfish,

I am very sorry for your family's pain.  I am glad your child is safe now and very hopeful that he gets expert help. 

I have just recently found this wonderful place of support and learning.  I hope you find it as valuable as I have. 

My child is 15, non-binary - born female and I still slip up and refer to child as my daughter but should in fact use neutral pronouns.  I am really trying to adapt... .to so many radical changes over the past 3 years.  The change in gender identity was revealed at about the same time as the BPD diagnosis. As in your case, there was no sign of this before.  I am perfectly fine with whatever gender identify my child eventually lands on, but I worry that their focus is too often on gender rather than coping with BPD.  Is it a symptom of the BPD? I wonder. They also have dysphoria, dissociation and other identity-related issues.  Many of their friends have in common problems with anxiety, depression, mood disorders, etc and are transgender.  I can't imagine how hard it must be to be transgender, and understand how that could cause mental health issues.  But I suspect that it goes in the opposite direction too - the mental health issues, especially BPD, can generate gender identity questions.

I am not a mental health professional so this is all just observation and my experience. 

Of course we love, accept and support our children always.  But we have to take care of ourselves as well.  And it is helpful to share our stories and comforting to know that we are not alone.

Wishing you well and hoping that you will let us know how you are doing.