Anyone has physical reaction / Health issue to a PD?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ok, my wife is NPD with sociopathic (some say psychopathic) tendencies.   Some use the term ASPD.  She is the covert type ... .or appear to be shy, but extremely fierce and calculating in her approaches.  Anyway, she turned on the heat and started to show her true color completely around the time my daughter was born 8 years ago, since then, things got worse every year and readying books on NPD, it is like the author stole them from my life.  Having 3 beautiful kids, I decide to stay and try to work it out ... .however, years of coping with endless abuse ... my body is taking its toll.  I try to excercise and eat extremely healthy ... .but mentally, I am so tired and exhausted from feeling besieged in my own home.  Unable to make any good decisions for my kids and constantly blamed for things I did not do.  She now is aggresively recruiting others to attack me and try to gaslight with me and others to make me look like the bad person for her and for my kids.  Nothing I can really do, if I were to counter her allegations, we both would look like nuts and then others would look down on our kids.  So I take them all in ... .but I notice, I waking up exhausted everyday.  I feel tired all the time.  I am down most of the time.  I can no longer enjoy anything in life without fearing she will throw a curve ball as she has done many times.  She fluctuates and that has to do with her scheming ... .I have asked her point blank that does she really believe the craziness that she is creating for others to see in order to maligne me as this evil person, when all she is doing is projecting her misbehaviors on me.  I can tell you she is relenteless in her approach and if you don't know her, you would think she is a victim and not me.  Regardless, today is our anniversary and I feel so down ... .because every year when I do something good for her, she slames it back to my face and if I dare to ask that I would like to know how she appreciates me in her life, she would say a real man wouldn't asking that question.  After being through all the craziness, I decided to stop celebrating ... .so last year was the first year that I just stopped.  It is not easy.  One doesn't think that you enter into a lifetime relationship only to have yourself purposely stop thinking about the day that I made that huge commitment.  I am tired ... .and want to know if others also have physical reactions as I am experiencing ... .basically, it feels like chronic fatique.  any input on this is appreciated... .

[Pou]

Ok, my wife is NPD with sociopathic (some say psychopathic) tendencies.   Some use the term ASPD.  She is the covert type ... .or appear to be shy, but extremely fierce and calculating in her approaches.  Anyway, she turned on the heat and started to show her true color completely around the time my daughter was born 8 years ago, since then, things got worse every year and readying books on NPD, it is like the author stole them from my life.  Having 3 beautiful kids, I decide to stay and try to work it out ... .however, years of coping with endless abuse ... my body is taking its toll.  I try to excercise and eat extremely healthy ... .but mentally, I am so tired and exhausted from feeling besieged in my own home.  Unable to make any good decisions for my kids and constantly blamed for things I did not do.  She now is aggresively recruiting others to attack me and try to gaslight with me and others to make me look like the bad person for her and for my kids.  Nothing I can really do, if I were to counter her allegations, we both would look like nuts and then others would look down on our kids.  So I take them all in ... .but I notice, I waking up exhausted everyday.  I feel tired all the time.  I am down most of the time.  I can no longer enjoy anything in life without fearing she will throw a curve ball as she has done many times.  She fluctuates and that has to do with her scheming ... .I have asked her point blank that does she really believe the craziness that she is creating for others to see in order to maligne me as this evil person, when all she is doing is projecting her misbehaviors on me.  I can tell you she is relenteless in her approach and if you don't know her, you would think she is a victim and not me.  Regardless, today is our anniversary and I feel so down ... .because every year when I do something good for her, she slames it back to my face and if I dare to ask that I would like to know how she appreciates me in her life, she would say a real man wouldn't asking that question.  After being through all the craziness, I decided to stop celebrating ... .so last year was the first year that I just stopped.  It is not easy.  One doesn't think that you enter into a lifetime relationship only to have yourself purposely stop thinking about the day that I made that huge commitment.  I am tired ... .and want to know if others also have physical reactions as I am experiencing ... .basically, it feels like chronic fatique.  any input on this is appreciated... .

[dawnjd]

Yes, yes. I think there is such a brain - body connection, it isn't unusual to have physical symptoms. If you are depressed, that can carry many physical symptoms.

Self care is so important, but sometimes when you try it, the PD person in your life derails it. For me, sleep is a major need. Lack of sleep triggers severe depression, stomach aches, nausea, brain fog, etc. my BPDso does not respect my sleep hygiene requirements, but he always "Oops! I forgot you were sleeping!" When he knows damn well that I can't fall back to sleep easily.

With children, it can be so much harder. I have become so numb to constantly tending to SO's needs, I sometimes completely miss my 5 year old reaching out to me to have his needs fulfilled because I am trying to selfcare at the same time.

I've started running again, it helps release the frustration and tires me to sleep. Drink plenty of water, try not to depend on caffeine too much (I am guilty of that). If you can't always eat right, check your nutrient intake. There are plenty of nutrient deficiencies that can contribute to chronic fatigue. As a woman, I am always checking my iron needs and Magnesium is taken at night to help my brain calm down. It might not hurt to have your doctor do a blood draw or see a nutritionist.

[Pou]

Yes, yes. I think there is such a brain - body connection, it isn't unusual to have physical symptoms. If you are depressed, that can carry many physical symptoms.

Self care is so important, but sometimes when you try it, the PD person in your life derails it. For me, sleep is a major need. Lack of sleep triggers severe depression, stomach aches, nausea, brain fog, etc. my BPDso does not respect my sleep hygiene requirements, but he always "Oops! I forgot you were sleeping!" When he knows damn well that I can't fall back to sleep easily.

With children, it can be so much harder. I have become so numb to constantly tending to SO's needs, I sometimes completely miss my 5 year old reaching out to me to have his needs fulfilled because I am trying to selfcare at the same time.

I've started running again, it helps release the frustration and tires me to sleep. Drink plenty of water, try not to depend on caffeine too much (I am guilty of that). If you can't always eat right, check your nutrient intake. There are plenty of nutrient deficiencies that can contribute to chronic fatigue. As a woman, I am always checking my iron needs and Magnesium is taken at night to help my brain calm down. It might not hurt to have your doctor do a blood draw or see a nutritionist.

Thanks Dawnjd... .really appreciate your suggestions.  I continue to try to focus on what I can do to better my well being while taking care what is important and cope.   I feel like a horse that is carrying a heavy load all of the time.  mentally and physically exhausted. 

[OnceConfused]

This might sound crazy but since you are stuck with that many young children. LEaving might not be the solution for you YET.

Then you have to adopt a strategy I picked up from a motivational speaker years ago . The strategy is :

I care but only that much.

It means you don't give a sh*t of what BPD says anymore. You become an invisible person when you are with BPD. Whatever they say to you will be like pouring water on a duck, the water all drains away. This way BPD can  not inflict anything on you because you are literally a dead horse on the outside. They cannot make you feel bad because what they say have no meaning to you.

That is how you achieve "peace in the midst of war".

[Pou]

This might sound crazy but since you are stuck with that many young children. LEaving might not be the solution for you YET.

Then you have to adopt a strategy I picked up from a motivational speaker years ago . The strategy is :

I care but only that much.

It means you don't give a sh*t of what BPD says anymore. You become an invisible person when you are with BPD. Whatever they say to you will be like pouring water on a duck, the water all drains away. This way BPD can  not inflict anything on you because you are literally a dead horse on the outside. They cannot make you feel bad because what they say have no meaning to you.

That is how you achieve "peace in the midst of war".

that is the detachment that i have been working on.  the problem is that with a NPD ... .there are differences with a BPD.  with a NPD, the only emotion that I get from her is rage and her emotional feed from my suffering ... .one can see the smile on her face when I am suffering.  not the only one who saw it ... .it is really strange, how NPDs feeds off the negative emotions.  For example, I have many relatives that she met (including my dad) passed on.  She never once express sympathy and many times she shifts attention back to her when discussed.  My two uncles recently passed away, I brought it up as how to grief and pay our respect, she won't respond to my email.  I didn't want to bring it up in person because in the past, when I did with my aunt and another uncle passing, whom treated her when we visited, she blatantly ignore what I said and just gave me the silent treatment.  When I say, she maybe the most evil person that I have met ... .strangely ... .and sadly, I actually meant it.  So to detach ... is easy, but I am in a prison, I can not just drop my kids and fly to another country to pay my respect to my deceased uncles  and my kids were prevented from ever meeting them as well.  I am detaching, but living in a prison... .and ironically, she goes around and spread that she is the one lives in the prison.  Projection at its best and I was confused for a long time why she would say that ... .after being educated, it is all clear, because that is her intention to put me in a prison all these years.

[Wall bike]

I do not sleep.  Usually 2 hours a night.  I cry every single day.  I feel like I am being sucked into quicksand during a monsoon.