Quick question.

[understandnow]

My son and his ex are having custodial fights.  My son and Dil have all the traits of BPD.  I know that supervised visitation is probably the best for my granddaughter and I have things on file about my son and Dil.  His ex wants be to testify on her behalf.  Because of my son and Dil BPD traits our relationship is strained and totally no contact with my Dil.  Could I have a private meeting with the judge, during testimony.

[Thunderstruck]

I don't think so, I think the point of the court proceedings is that both sides are aware of all information presented to the judge. That way the other side can have the opportunity to cross-examine. It's not "fair" to be able to say anything without the other side being able to defend themselves.

That's quite a quandry you've got on your hands.  :'(

So from what I'm understanding... .your S is now married to your DIL and you believe the two of them to have BPD traits, but his Ex has custody of your GD and his Ex is asking for supervised visits and wants you to testify on her behalf?

Does his Ex have strong evidence for supervised visitation without your testimony? Are there any other professionals involved in their dispute (like a CE or a GAL) that you could speak with instead?

[livednlearned]

I'm sorry to hear that GD is caught in the middle of two high-conflict parents. That's really tough.

There are a handful of grandparents on the Parenting an Adult Child with BPD that have been through something similar.

Do you feel there are behaviors that warrant a call to child protective services? It does sound very heartbreaking to work at cross-purposes with your son, yet GD needs a stable presence in her life. Do you think either parent is capable of raising the child?

[understandnow]

There has been numerous calls to DSF with the final one that necessitates the children not being left alone with my son and no order for protection against his oldest daughter who lives with her mother, my sons ex.  The problem is my Dil I feel has been the main emotionally unbalanced person.  She has emotionally abused and possibly physically abused my granddaughter. My sons ex is going to court to change custody and wants me to go with her on her behalf.  My son will definetly see it as a betrayal,  Which will fracture our family.  There have been therapist involved and although I have many things on record, I feel they have enough material to deny him visitation and have supervised visitation.  I need a unbiased opinion.  I want to protect my granddaughter but I don't want to fracture my family.  Both my son and Dil have many, if not almost every trait there is to BPD.  Also to add my gd is 12 and does not want to go to visit her dad.  She has been seen by therapist who says she has signs of emotional abuse.