Handling a recycle? Advice pls...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My dilemma... .I am now being recycled again which is becoming a 2/3 week occurrence. The recycles are usually brought on by me doing a LC and disappearing from social media.

Usually my ex BPD would use covert things to reach out to me (phone calls/texts  from other numbers, social media postings etc) then I would directly contact him knowing he was reaching out for a response. Sometimes this would work and he would communicate with me for a few days before splitting me and other times I'd be ignored (presume he was just testing I was available at these times).

I have decided this time to not be so quick to reach out in the hope that he will directly contact me in stead of indirectly. My problem is... .whilst I know he will directly reach out to me eventually my instincts tell me that he will be angry and shamed by having to do so and therefore split me even worse. Suppose it doesn't make much of a difference as I get split anyway after a couple of days. This time however I want to try something new and not be so eager to reach out!

Any advice on how I can manage this recycle? And how I can avoid him becoming more angrier/shamed that I've made him directly reach out?

X

[Lou12]

My dilemma... .I am now being recycled again which is becoming a 2/3 week occurrence. The recycles are usually brought on by me doing a LC and disappearing from social media.

Usually my ex BPD would use covert things to reach out to me (phone calls/texts  from other numbers, social media postings etc) then I would directly contact him knowing he was reaching out for a response. Sometimes this would work and he would communicate with me for a few days before splitting me and other times I'd be ignored (presume he was just testing I was available at these times).

I have decided this time to not be so quick to reach out in the hope that he will directly contact me in stead of indirectly. My problem is... .whilst I know he will directly reach out to me eventually my instincts tell me that he will be angry and shamed by having to do so and therefore split me even worse. Suppose it doesn't make much of a difference as I get split anyway after a couple of days. This time however I want to try something new and not be so eager to reach out!

Any advice on how I can manage this recycle? And how I can avoid him becoming more angrier/shamed that I've made him directly reach out?

X

[Skip]

Are you wanting out or wanting in? Posting simultaneously on the Leaving and Staying board can be pretty confusing and counter productive.  What's your goal.

To answer your question briefly, going back, something has to be different or you will likely repeat.  Sliding back in will just be more of the same.

[Lou12]

Hi skip, I definitely want to stay but I don't have a choice unfortunately due to his condition so it makes not much difference what I want!

Yes I agree something has to be different hence why I'd like done advice

X

[Skip]

Then this is what I suggest:

Stay off the Leaving Board. That's for detachment. YOu'll get validated on your frustration, but thats not a healthy thing if you're trying to make a go of it.

Post here (Undecided) when you want to vent or express frustration about the relationship as the "relationship" is undecided.

Limit your posting on Staying to learning tools and helping other learn tools.

As far as the breaking up every two weeks… I'd back away and wait for him come to you in a serious way. Stop playing the game - you're being to easy - not valuing yourself.

Be patient.

[Lou12]

Ok I'll give it a shot as planned.

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