Custody Evaluation tips?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It would help to know a bit about what these things (CE's) are like before I engage in ours. B/NPDh is a mental health professional, as are both of his parents, one of whom makes big bucks doing custody evals for a living. They are highly unethical people who will stop at nothing to "help" their son appear as fantastic as possible in front of the evaluator. I have info that leads me to believe he's spent days actually cramming for the eval, and the MMPI-2, which will be administered to both of us. I plan to be truthful and forthcoming, but I'm just your average joe, so to speak, and I'm not great with small talk, etc. I've heard and read BPD's can get a leg up simply by charming the evaluator first. I'm not sure what info they'll have - would that come off as paranoid or weird if I put my concerns on the table about stbex? Am I supposed to stick to my own stuff and just pray stbex's stuff is found out and addressed (think I know the answer to that, but I've been surprised by a lot in this case already)? Any other tips? I'm nervous this will backfire and have him looking way better than me.

[lizzie458]

It would help to know a bit about what these things (CE's) are like before I engage in ours. B/NPDh is a mental health professional, as are both of his parents, one of whom makes big bucks doing custody evals for a living. They are highly unethical people who will stop at nothing to "help" their son appear as fantastic as possible in front of the evaluator. I have info that leads me to believe he's spent days actually cramming for the eval, and the MMPI-2, which will be administered to both of us. I plan to be truthful and forthcoming, but I'm just your average joe, so to speak, and I'm not great with small talk, etc. I've heard and read BPD's can get a leg up simply by charming the evaluator first. I'm not sure what info they'll have - would that come off as paranoid or weird if I put my concerns on the table about stbex? Am I supposed to stick to my own stuff and just pray stbex's stuff is found out and addressed (think I know the answer to that, but I've been surprised by a lot in this case already)? Any other tips? I'm nervous this will backfire and have him looking way better than me.

[david]

I've been through several evals. The first one went badly. I think the biggest reason was that I was not relaxed and ex still could get me frazzled buy her lies, etc.

The second one I was more relaxed and was myself. That went well for the kids and me.

The last one I was relaxed and had a plan for what I thought was best for everyone involved. Ex kept attacking me and I simply stated "that was not true" and continued focusing on what I thought was best for our boys. I was very calm and relaxed. That, I believe, triggered ex and she ramped up her allegations to the point of being ridiculous.

I've noticed that in court when I have a solution and stay focused on what I believe is best for our boys I have always pretty much got what I was seeking.

I also don't back down when I believe my solution is best. In those circumstances I calmly explain myself and things go well. Ex always reverts to allegations of me being some kind of monster.

I took the MMPI and it wasn't an issue. It must have been okay since it was not brought up in court.

[Thunderstruck]

I'm going to preface this by saying... .DH went through a custody eval and we have been waiting MONTHS for the final report. So I can't tell you if my advice is good or bad yet, since we haven't read the report.

I think honest and open is the best way to go about doing an eval. My DH is good about being honest (almost to a fault). Be prepared with both positive things and negative things about the other parent. They're not all evil, they are a person and have strengths and weaknesses just like the rest of us. Go in with a PLAN for the kids and the documentation/evidence/reasoning why your plan is a good option. Make sure it focuses on what is best for the kids. If you  have concerns, definitely voice them... .but make sure they are concerns that impact parenting. If you don't tell a CE then there really is no way for them to know. Collaterals are really good resources, so choose some good ones that have seen both of you parent.

There really isn't any way to "prepare" for the psych tests (MMPI and any other ones you might have to take) so just do them and answer honestly. You're a regular person. You may not be perfect but that's ok. None of us are. If you have weaknesses, show to the evaluator what you are doing to make yourself a better person (for example, we are in a high conflict co-parenting situation so we have been reading books about it to make it a better situation).

[trappeddad]

My ex threatened and manipulated the CE into getting her a favorable evaluation.    She said she would go to the press if there was a bad eval and would go to judge if the eval did not come out quickly.     The CE then did not interview any of my 9 collateral contacts and recommended against me.     Be skeptical of these people.    If you don't like the results, you have little recourse to do anything about it.

[AlonelyOne]

Frankly,

If you're a male. I think the best advice is to provide them minimal info. The one I dealt with was so unethical. It'd be funny if it didn't bring with it so much destruction.

Honestly, I've come to the conclusion. The way the system works.  It caters to liars and abusers. And if you have a penis - good luck.