Hi there,
everprincess. Welcome to our Leaving family.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Making the decision to leave a marriage is hard enough on its own. When it's a marriage to a disordered spouse, you have a whole different layer of complexity.
You did what you feel is best for you and your son.
Take comfort and strength in that, and trust your instincts.
This post discusses the three stages of detaching from a relationship with a pwBPD, and gives some wise advice on how to take care of ourselves (and our children) during the end of a relationship -
Exiting a BPD relationshipIt hurts when you're painted black, and have manipulative tactics used on you. He shouldn't involve your 9-year-old son in this - that's terrible, and says a lot about his emotional immaturity. But it says a lot about your maturity, your love and understanding for your son, that you don't deny him speaking to your husband - you know that he loves his father and can't comprehend the entirety of the situation.
You may want to check out the
Family law, divorce, and custody boards, as well. There are many people there who understand the complexities of divorce and co-parenting with a BPD ex-spouse, and who can offer you support and advice in this aspect of your journey.
It sounds like he is attempting to appeal to your compassion by crying that he needs money? Is this a common pattern from your relationship?
Hang in there, and keep posting. It helps so much to talk.