Trial separation, decisions to be made

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have BPDw married 20 yrs with d16, s14.

I left the house a few weeks ago after build up of continual fighting mostly around our daughter's ADD & associated untidiness and disorganisation. Apart form being volatile d16 has been great , works hard, plays sport, no alchohol or drug issues. There is a long history of marriage tension over the way BPDw treats d16 which has always caused me concern.  I cannot go back at the moment as BPDw is very antagonistic and I know the fighting will continue, I think for the time being the children are better off at home in familiar surroundings albeit with BPDw

I have rented an apartment near for six months (which can be surrendered earlier) to see if I can work things out with BPDw.

d16 hates her mother so I have suggested to BPdw that d16 lives with me for a while. BPdw will not discuss this and says this would only happen as part of a divorce proceedings. I don't think BPDw wants to face how bad their relationship is. BPDw has been verbally abusive (and physical on a few occasions) to d16 for most of her life whilst s14 gets on well with both parents. D16 is a classic scapegoat and BPDw has blamed her on many occasions for our marriage troubles

The reality is that D16 can get up and walk out any time. She hates living with BPDw who constantly nags. I believe she is reluctant because she thinks it will trigger a divorce & I know that given the choice she would much prefer to live with me.

Her final year of school starts in a few weeks (Australia) & I don't know what to do - d16 should be settled as possible for her final year and not stuck in the middle of her parents fighting

I've been married for 20 years with a difficult BPDw as a partner. Now the kids are older I would have hoped things might get easier so I'm reluctant to throw away the marriage. On the other hand all my instincts are telling me that it's in d16's best interests to come and live with me for some calm and stability for her final year of school. We don't have family around who could take d16 for a while.

Any thoughts or questions would be appreciated

[bpbreakout]

I have BPDw married 20 yrs with d16, s14.

I left the house a few weeks ago after build up of continual fighting mostly around our daughter's ADD & associated untidiness and disorganisation. Apart form being volatile d16 has been great , works hard, plays sport, no alchohol or drug issues. There is a long history of marriage tension over the way BPDw treats d16 which has always caused me concern.  I cannot go back at the moment as BPDw is very antagonistic and I know the fighting will continue, I think for the time being the children are better off at home in familiar surroundings albeit with BPDw

I have rented an apartment near for six months (which can be surrendered earlier) to see if I can work things out with BPDw.

d16 hates her mother so I have suggested to BPdw that d16 lives with me for a while. BPdw will not discuss this and says this would only happen as part of a divorce proceedings. I don't think BPDw wants to face how bad their relationship is. BPDw has been verbally abusive (and physical on a few occasions) to d16 for most of her life whilst s14 gets on well with both parents. D16 is a classic scapegoat and BPDw has blamed her on many occasions for our marriage troubles

The reality is that D16 can get up and walk out any time. She hates living with BPDw who constantly nags. I believe she is reluctant because she thinks it will trigger a divorce & I know that given the choice she would much prefer to live with me.

Her final year of school starts in a few weeks (Australia) & I don't know what to do - d16 should be settled as possible for her final year and not stuck in the middle of her parents fighting

I've been married for 20 years with a difficult BPDw as a partner. Now the kids are older I would have hoped things might get easier so I'm reluctant to throw away the marriage. On the other hand all my instincts are telling me that it's in d16's best interests to come and live with me for some calm and stability for her final year of school. We don't have family around who could take d16 for a while.

Any thoughts or questions would be appreciated