I shouldn't have looked...

[Mistomaple]

Just a quick summary of my relationship with my pwBPD. My Ex and I are currently on a relationship "break" from our LDR. The reason I got for this is because we needed time to figure things out and work on ourselves (We are both in Therapy). I've been through a lot of push/pull, painted black and painted white. My Ex got really mad hearing I had become friends with another girl and went into pursuit mode (Wanting to know everything and asking if I had feelings for this girl) I tried my best to set the record straight that I still care and want to be with my Ex and this girl is just a friend.


My Ex and I have been talking casually the past few days, but I can feel a strain starting to form in the sense that there is more silence creeping in and she'll just leave in the middle of our messenger conversations with no real rhyme or reason. Today I was telling a harmless story about myself and she hit me with judgments about how I acted in my story even though she wasn't there and had no idea how I felt at the time (trying to make me feel bad for what I did in my story).


I also checked her FB page even though I promised to stay away from it (Shame on me). This always ends up with me hurting myself and It did again this time. I saw she uploaded a picture of her and her other LDR Ex (The guy before me) and them talking about how they fondly remember the moment, posts that they had been playing online games together (She doesn't want to do it with me when I ask).


It's frustrating because in reality there is no harm in this (They have been friends for a long time and there wasn't really anything flirtatious or sexual in their interactions) she's said to me that this break was to work on things and she has no feelings for anyone, she's not looking to hook up with anyone or flirt (I believe her). I've inflicted hurt on myself again by looking at this and letting my mind wander. This break is killing me and it seems like it's never going to end. Usually I hear of people with BPD looking for new supply and letting the old go. To work on her Therapy she's cut herself off from seeking new partners, so does this leave me in a possible never-ending relationship "break"?

[Mistomaple]

Had a chat with her because I sensed there was something wrong. I asked her if her feelings about me have changed again. She asked me why I asked this and I said that I sense things.

She replies "I guess there are too many things that don't appeal to me, that make us different from each other. That makes it impossible to keep my feelings. Usually before you get into a relationship you date a long time and learn things about each other. So in that time you decide for yourself whether or not someone's a good fit. I had to find out during our relationship and even now still"


I asked if she feels we are learning now? and she said "No, we are passed that now and know enough to make conclusions"


I asked what the conclusion was and she told me she didn't want to get into this right now. I left it as is and just told her to enjoy her weekend.


This loop feels more and more never-ending... .

[OnceConfused]

sound like she just showed you her cards, and her state of mind. What are you going to do about it?

[Mistomaple]

Probably not gonna do anything. Put it to one side for now, go about my own business and hopefully we can have a chat about it later.

[Lou12]

That's the right thing Misto. Personally I wouldn't bring it up again until she does. I think it was a user on here who told me that whilst they are jumping from 0-100 you just remain at 50 and go about your day. Let them continue to jump but don't you follow

X

[Mistomaple]

So our relationship break finally "concluded" again tonight. My Ex and I had a conversation about what she was feeling. She said that we were too different and didn't fit together. She said her Therapist told her that she didn't lose her feelings for me for nothing. She said I was too sensitive because apparently crying and showing emotion and caring has no place in a relationship with a BPD, right?


She seems to want a man who will hold back his tears and not show or talk about his problems. Looking at her past and putting the equation together. I finally see that the type of man she is searching for = Her Dad


Something to fill in for the man who emotionally abused her and her mother and fled with another woman, kicking my Ex out of his house and always making her feel no good.

[Lou12]

Only just seen this Misto, inbox me x