I Cannot Handle The Pity Party Any More

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I dont know what to do... I just dont know... its driving me crazy.  The hours of crying about how everything is horrible, calls in middle of day how she is messing up kids lives and everyone else... every thing I try and suggest just shot down and nothing acceptable but sleep

She calls vomiting and sick... I cannot get her to go to the doctor but she keeps talking on and on how she is sick.  I cannot live my life cause I am busy trying to be there and listen like I am supposed to do something, but she will not do anything!

Then when I get frustrated after HOURS of this... she gets her feelings hurt...

The self pity party is driving me literally insane!

[hurthusband]

I dont know what to do... I just dont know... its driving me crazy.  The hours of crying about how everything is horrible, calls in middle of day how she is messing up kids lives and everyone else... every thing I try and suggest just shot down and nothing acceptable but sleep

She calls vomiting and sick... I cannot get her to go to the doctor but she keeps talking on and on how she is sick.  I cannot live my life cause I am busy trying to be there and listen like I am supposed to do something, but she will not do anything!

Then when I get frustrated after HOURS of this... she gets her feelings hurt...

The self pity party is driving me literally insane!

[GaGrl]

Call 911. Have her present to medical professionals. You are not qualified to assess her ken all health. She may be ready for in-patient care again.

[pallavirajsinghani]

Sadly, you are being assigned the role of a:

Soothing parent

Priest/confessor

Magician

Psychiatrist/Psychologist

None of these you can really fulfill.  You will fail at each and every one of these roles.  The best is to cut the conversations short and say something like,  "I am sorry that you feel this way.  Let me know if I can help in some way. I hope that you will feel better tomorrow."  Then say good night and hang up.  Tone is loving and polite.

If you get 99 texts and calls and emails... .or if you suspect suicide attempt... .don't hesitate to call the police for a wellness check/or 911 if the threat seems real and imminent.  I believe that every dysregulation is a plea for help.  But it is a plea made to the wrong person.  This cry for help can only be truly answered by professional clinicians... .and calling 911 when someone seems that dysregulated, is the kindest and the best course of action.

Now you may be painted black for doing so... .but that is a small price to pay considering the fact that it may at least cut her pain short.

Perhaps by continuing the conversation and the "pity party" you may be unconsciously prolonging her pain instead of mitigating it... .who is to say... .perhaps your intuition can guide you... .

Definitely though, such conversations are harmful to your mental stability too.

You are trying to reason with unreason... .and that is why your suggestions are falling on deaf ears.