Changes

[Smileypants]

Why is it that when I do get an appology for his bad behavior (verbal abusive & lashing out) it is always followed by a list of reasons why he really shouldn't have to be sorry, putting the blame on everyone and everything else.

I guess it's better than no appology at all, but it really negates the value of an appology.

This is relatively new because he is trying to be good because I have become much more serious about what is acceptable and what is not.  I have threatened divorce multiple times and have been standing my ground.  I actually told him of his diagnosis too.  He doesn't believe me (he was diagnosed as a teen, his sister told me of his diagnosis) but since I couldn't tell him how I knew, it didn't go any farther than that.  He thinks he has ptsd (his ex ran with his kids 4 years ago).  He thought "I was on board with that".  He just decided by self diagnosis that was what he had about 2 years ago.  He might have it, but it doesn't negate the other previous diagnosis of BPD & bipolar.

I have been standing up for the kids.  I feel stronger.  I am working on taking care of what is really important, me and my kids.

I'm not as easy going as I used to be, I do not trust like I used too, I am not as naive as I was.  I feel hard and stern, except with my kids.  I feel more love for my kids, more focused on their needs, security, health & happiness.  I am becoming a stronger advocate for them.

I feel my energy is focused where it needs to be.  I feel that I am making progress.