Kwamina
As the Board Parrot I can tell you that many of our members have also benefited greatly from your contributions here
What an incredibly uplifting thing to read! I appreciate hearing that. Thank you.
How were you able to overcome this fear?
Ah. Now that is a tricky question with a simple but extended answer.
The first thing, the VERY first thing was to stand my ground this one time. Most important. Critical even.
I had to be sure it was something I felt absolutely right in. And I confess it may not have happened had my brother not rang me moments before (out of the blue) and stood firm in his incredulity of the liberties my mother was taking. His conviction certainly carried me.
One of the members here has the byline quote that goes something like ":)on't puff up. Don't shrink back. Stand your sacred ground" I had those words firmly in mind when I did it.
Ok it felt like being shot. i had charges of adrenaline coursing through my abdomen and I felt faint and giddy. but I didn't stop and I didn't take it back.
I think the first real step in overcoming that terrible fear that only abused children understand is to go through it. It's awful because you don't know you're going to get to the other side. I really think that was the watershed for me.
How are you doing now?
Well better. Much better. i still have incredibly low moments but overall I am so much stronger and learning to identify 'outside scripts' (Ho! That's not me talking -that's the critic- or my mother or father) And most crucial but oh so hard to learn - look at it from the other side.
Not empathy exactly but thinking of options the othe rperson could take.
Like "What would I have done if that were me?" And I have discovered that I would respond much kinder quite often than them.
That sounds vague.
An example: I left my shoes down at the town oval one time and my parents who came looking for me ( I was in BIG trouble for being late home, barefoot and leaving the shoes they worked so hard to pay for down at the oval. Well i got in the car and my father smacked me so hard my head bounced off the carframe. Thinking on that, I think "What would I have done if that were my child?" The answers to that give me insight to what they could have done.
And that way of looking at things is a true healing balm.
HappyChappy
I laughed so hard. Them bank people are so picky about customer behaviour aren't they?
Polly
Apparently you have mastered the art of asserting your needs Doing the right thing
Thanks for your encouragement. Allowing myself to feel the pain is exactly what I am trying to learn right now. Thanks for believing in me
Your pain when you arrived here was so saddening to me but I think you are incredibly brave to face so much that a person should never have had to deal with. And you are open to suggestion which a lot of people aren't. I truly hope you are still progressing and getting the healing you so deserve. I am humbled to have been of assistance. it's wonderful to share the journey with kindred spirits
