2.5 year relationship is over

[trilen]

Hi,

This is my first post. My BPDex and I ended our relationship 2 weeks ago. I could not figure out what was going on with the severe volatility until a family member of hers confirmed what my therapist and I suspected, BPD. That was this past spring. I now know I have to move on even though the love is still there.

She is quite angry and not responding to me at all right now. Bpdex stopped by my home a few days ago (my mistake) and said I looked too happy and asked if I am dating someone. She left crying and is now angry and avoiding me. Ouch... I wasn't and am not happy.

My first question has to do with friends. We are in a very difficult situation b/c most of our friends are mutual. I know that she reaches out to them via text/calls constantly - she did when we were together. The smear campaign concerns me. Most of our friends do not know she has a BPD diagnosis. So, I am wondering how to handle this in the best way possible. I understand that I can't control what she says to people. Many of the things that she says have happened are delusional, so I know these friends are not going to hear the facts.

Any thoughts or advice will be appreciated.

Thanks!

[Ceruleanblue]

Well, you can take the high road, and let your mutual friends sort it all out for themselves, or you can tell them. Or you can just try to not let what she tells them, and their possible judgements, bother you. I'd have a hard time with that, and I'd probably tell them. Not very noble, I know, but I wouldn't want to be lied about, and what you'd be telling them is actually the truth. If she doesn't want the truth to leak out, she should stop badmouthing you. People in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones.

I know taking the high road is probably the better option, but I HATE being lied about, and in my experience, the BPD I know, lies to beat the band. I went through this when we separated(have since reconciled), and a lot of the lies he told about ME during that time have gotten back to me. You can be sure I set those people straight if they told me what he'd said, or if they asked me. People sometimes catch on when they see how you really are doesn't line up with all the lies the PW BPD told... .