Hi Everyone,
Well, as many of you know I recently completed reading the book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disordered" and reread "Co-Dependent No More." I reinforced my boundaries. Very firm. Very, very firm. I took good care of myself. I made no excuses for him. I hired a yard boy to help clean up the landscaping.
The earth did not stop turning.
And, happy to say, my unBPDhusb has been behaving very well -for him- for the past six weeks. (Makes me wonder what he's up to!
)
Examples: Choosing my battles. (aka, Biding my Time.) He asked me if I would mind if we spent a few thousand helping his 35 y/o daughter who makes more money than us pay for her wedding. I said that would be fine. I didn't like the idea, but have learned as a step-parent I cannot win. No argument from me. He asked if I minded if he spent a couple thousand paying for a new(used) motorcycle for himself. I did not put up a fuss. Then I hired a yard boy for regular landscape clean up/maintenance. Husb wanted to fuss about money. I said, "When you came to me for $2000 to help out your daughter - who makes more money than us and has been living independently for over ten years - I said ok. When you wanted to spend money on a motorcycle for yourself, I said ok. I make very good wages, I have a disabling health condition, you don't have time (he actually has time, he just spends it on the computer.), and getting help with the landscaping is MY motorcycle, and MY daughter's wedding." He said, "Oh... .I never thought of it like that." Then, when the yard boy came over to give an estimate, my husb had actually done several of the chores on my list, which is fine, I just want them done. Yard boy starting on Friday, every other month for yard spruce up.
Example: My unBPDhusb is also a news junkie, to the point that is basically all he can talk about. If it is depressing, gory, dispiriting in any way, he wants to talk about it. He wants to read me all the bad news articles on the internet my every waking minute. After reading the above mentioned books, when I would get home from work, I would (barely) listen to TWO depressing news items he shared. Then I put up my hand and said, "Look - I deal with depressing news all day at work (I'm a nurse), and I'm not prepared to have depressing news all evening after I get home until I go to sleep. This is the only time I have to rest and rejuvenate. So: you need to put in your ear buds and go into the other room and focus on your news, OR you can find us some fun news items, OR we can watch a fun movie, OR we can go outdoors and play with the dog, OR do something that is positive. "That has been working well thus far.
These are just two examples. There are more. I do not expect this happier period to last, but am enjoying the ride. Also, I have been preoccupied with completing a quilt for my stepdaughter, and doing some citrus tree transplanting, so haven't been on the forum for awhile. I hope you are all staying strong and coping well.
