Hello...

[JenAdams]

Hi! I have an adult daughter with BPD. Where do I begin? Soo tired... .just need to know there are others out there who know what I am going through and that I am not going CRAZY! She is 29 and it has been a long hard road with  her. Right now, I guess I am the "target". Nothing I do or say is good enough and she seems to just want to stay in her misery. That is just a very brief introduction. I could go on and on, but just don't have the mental or emotional energy right now. Thanks for this forum... .hoping i can vent and get some support and maybe some answers.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi and Welcome!

I have a daughter 19, that was dx w/emerging BPD at 12... .it's been a long road for us too.

Some days were so terrible I felt hopeless... .it was a journey to pull out of the hole we were in... pull out we did.

Does your daughter live with you?  Is her dad in the picture?

I look forward to learning more about you and your daughter and how I can support you.



lbj

[Butterflygirl]

Where do I begin?

Accept the diagnosis with your head held high.

Be grateful for all the support.

Research BPD

Reach out for help

Talk and write about your feelings

Self-Soohe

Set boundaries

Change your attitude and try new things

Follow the wisdom

Change your behavior toward your child

Stand your ground

Hang in there

If you have faith rely on that

"When you walk through a storm hold your head up high."

YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE

Elvis Presley version . . .

[JenAdams]

My daughter lives with her husband and his parents about 2.5 miles away from me. I live with my partner who is very supportive and helps all she can. She and her dad have had a strained relationship for years... .but, I think he would really like for it to be better. She makes it very difficult. Right now, she is angry with me over a perceived slight... .nothing I say seems to make it better. I cannot have a sane conversation with her and our communications have primarily been through Facebook and texting. And I get very lengthy texts when she is mad.

  She doesn't get the help she needs in my opinion... .sees a psychiatrist once a month for 15 minutes to get her prescriptions and a therapist 1 hour a month. She recently had a terrible time with endometriosis and ultimately had a hysterectomy... .she is 29 years old. Her husband is a "yes dear" enabler. She has called me a passive-aggressive b___ and says I have abandoned her because I told her I just needed to step back and love her from a distance (for my own sanity).

She has a younger sister who is trying to reach out to her after months of not speaking to her over hurtful things she said to her. They are talking some, but she is still cautious. When she was a child, she was diagnosed with ADHD and was on Ritalin and later Adderall. I always knew there was more going on than that, but couldn't put my finger on it. The thing is, she is so brilliant and creative... .and it just looks like she is swimming in a lake of negativity and is comfortable there. My heart breaks for her. Right now, anything I try to say is thrown back up in my face. I could just go on and on, but I will stop here. I am glad for this forum and need support from people who know what I am talking about. Thanks!

[mimi99]

Welcome. I also have a daughter 24 with BPD. She lives with her boyfriend and his parents, who are unaware of her illness and believe we have callously "thrown her out on the street and stolen her child". She has a very strained relationship with her sister as well. It is so hard to watch her self-destructive behavior knowing what the outcome will be. She sometimes has such a lack of self-awareness.

I think identification with others is such an important thing I get from this site. The tools are helping me learn how to communicate with her in a way that doesn't make things worse. Nevertheless, it can be very hard and I am thankful for the others who take the time to share their pain and what helps them.

[AVR1962]

My daughter is 34 years old, diagnosed with BPD when she was 18. It had been a tough road with her since her dad left when she was 6. My youngest(18) has no relationship with her BPD sister which is the choice of my 18 year old. BPD daughter has caused so much trouble with the family and when she started making up stuff and telling it to family members about my youngest, my youngest cut her out of her life.

Like you, I am the target most times.

My daughter is a bit of a gossip and a user type. She wants me to be EXACTLY the same with her siblings as I was with her as far as bed times, etc, tat seems real important to her. She gets offended if one siblings gets more than she did. I helped my middle daughter with expenses for a trip to visit us in Europe when we lived there. BPD felt entitled to that same help so she was in my life, telling me how excited she and her family were to visit, on and on. All the while I wondered if I was being used. We helped them so much with expenses that they were able to return home and buy laminate flooring for their home with their remaining money which I was happy for them to be able to do as they really did need to replace their carpet. We had 1 more year left in Europe and she was saying she wanted to visit before we left. Our plans changed and we had to leave earlier than expected. At this point my daughter's behavior towards me changed, everything I did was wrong again. Next thing I know she took me of FB. Heard from family what she was saying and realized that nothing had ever changed with daughter. She got what she wanted and once she was done using me I was discarded and blamed once again.

So I understand your pain. What is your plan from here?

[madmom]

Hello, my daughter is 27 and is dBPD.  I can really relate to much of what you are saying---my daughter will lash out at my husband and I, usually because she had done something wrong and either doesn't want us to find out about it, or when we do wants to use her anger as a defense so she doesn't have to deal with whatever it is she has done.  Using the tools on the right have really helped us with our communication and relationship with her.  Listening with empathy, validating and using SET have been great tools.  You are not alone, please keep coming back for help and support. It has really helped me tremendously.