she sent me to court ~

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

so I've been reading many forums throughout this site and let me just say that they have helped a lot. so ill make this as short as possible. dated this BPD girl (lets call her Snoopy) freshman year of college. ( i believe she has waif traits ), i knew her since high school and we ended up in the same college. the first time we dated she was great, until she got too clingy and obsessive. i broke it off after about 2 or 3  months and that was the end of that. ( we would occasionally meet up but just for sex, only like 3-4 times) Until about 2 years later, my JR year, i see her walking down the hallway with her boyfriend and she waves at me. she happened to have class across from me. we started talking again and one thing lead to the other and she dump her boyfriend and started dating me. I guess at that moment i had reached a point where i was ready to fall in love and actually be with someone long term unlike my freshman year. after about a month into the relationship she was getting calls from a blocked number and i got suspicious and grabbed her phone and ran out my house to answer it. as im running down the block i answer the phone to have the person on the line tell me it was snoopys BF who lived in another state. so this girl was dating this man for some time ( actually her HS sweatheart), couple of months actually. So snoopy had be running behind me the whole time and she finally caught up and jumped on my and started scratching and attacking me. i pushed her off me and she fell and ripped she mother expensive designer jacket. she began to cry and cry and beg for my forgiveness. i asked her to call the guy and break it off and tell him she was dating me. she did. one of my closest friends witnessed the whole ordeal and was really mad at me.  come to think of it, all my friends, every single one, hates this women. anyways we made up and times were great for a little while. time went on and i realized she was still talking to her ex in the other state. she was doing this triangulation thing BPDs do.

Feb came( two months later) and valentines was approaching. i caught her texting this guy the day before valentine's and we got into a huge argument and whatnot. i told her if she wanted to leave then she should just leave. we agreed to have a good time and she said she would stop talking to him again. valentines day, i buy flowers, chocolate, stuffed animal, jewelry, the works. finally get all my shopping done and i call her and she tells me she's about to get on a train to this guys state. What the heck. This women left me on valentines day, no warning, nothing. i was heartbroken. i begged her to stay but nothing. she leaves.

while she is with this guy, she eventually called me about 2 weeks in and talks to, as if nothing had happened. she tells me she regrets going and that she wants to come back. after insisting that she comes back we finally agree for em to drive, about 700 miles, to go pick her up during a huge snowstorm. of corse i do it because i'm starting to love this women. i pick her up, apparently this guy was really angry with her or something, we stay at hotels and have sex the first night, all we do for about two days. we come back to out home state and shes too embarrassed to go home. so she lives with me and we perfect, she gives me her phone and i drive her to this school where she was doing some program(about 30 min away monday thru thursday). i finally tell her to go home and make mends with family. she does.

(i lose my job during this time because she insists on me calling out/ doesn't let me sleep at time for multiple rounds of intercourse)  

her birthday is coming up. (YAY RIGHT... .) so i invite her out the night before for her to get cannolis, which she loves, she has two, she sleeps over we go to bed around 3 am.  i wish her happy birthday ect. i wake at 7am to her screaming at me that i have to drive her home because she has to go so some job interview... .(BULL___) it was so shocking to wake up like that, that i didn't even argue or question.( i'm not the one to buy into her lies or even at this point her tears which she can bust out on cue like a oscar winning actress) as im getting putting on my pants she's still screaming at me and finally i snap and call her a b___. i guess she didn't like that which led her to attack me and dig her huge nasty nails into my hand. i was bleeding for a couple of hours, have scars where she did this. i couldn't believe she got physical with me. i drive her home and for some reason she crying the whole way as if i was the devil or something. we get into an argument during the drive. and i poured some water from a mcdonald drink where the ice had melted. ( i did this because just a couple days before she launched a 80 percent full soda can at my face while i was driving that almost made me get into an accident, not to add it made my whole side of the car very sticky) . this made her stop crying and she finally became very quiet, it was so weird, she finally stopped screaming and arguing, guess she couldn't handle a dose of her own medicine. so i finally make it to her house and she leaves. about two hours later she texts and asks if i would be going to diner with her and her family for her birthday. are you serious... .i said no. a couple hours later i get a call from her mother to come to the house to have a talk.

i make it to the house during the afternoon and her mother and father are sitting at the table waiting for me. i sit down and ask whats going on. the mother starts screaming at me like some lunatic that im a women beater and that i should go to jail. im really confused at this point and starting to get angry because i don't appreciate people screaming at me. she finally tells me that snoopy told her and her husband that chocked her and kicked her and idk what else. snoopy is nowhere while these crazy accusations are being made.  i scan my brain trying to remember if i did any of this during any of out fights. nothing, i may scream and curse but never, never, never get physical. so the only things that comes to mind is that recently snoopy started requesting that i choke her during sex. of course i agreed. for some reason i told them that the only time i choked snoopy was during sex and only because she requested it. they didnt take this very well... .her mother started screaming some more, about me being a women beater and mentioning that i owe her 900$ for the jacket that got ripped(that i mentioned earlier). i stood up and told her to stop screaming at me and that i would not be paying for the jacket and that if she felt to strongly about it she should sue me. i left.

so we went NC for about two weeks and i started missing her. i messaged her and called. she finally responds and we start sleeping with each other again. i guess we hadn't gotten back together but she would spends nights at my house and i would have to drive her early to her home for her parents no to realize she was gone. this went on for 2 weeks. so get a load of this. she sleeps with me on a friday, tell me to drive her home sat morning, i do and that same day during the night i find out the other guy from the other state came to pick her up and she went to go live with him. are you serious. she did it again. no warning, no nothing.

so now she's 700 miles away sleeping with this other guy. prob being choked by him. after a couple weeks she starts calling while he's at work telling me she regrets doing what she did and that she wants to come back and that she's not happy over there and whatnot. at this point i'm not putting up with this ___ and i start telling the guy what she's telling me. she only calls when he's at work. so the guy is pissed but this guys has been through more ___ with snoopy then i have. so i guess he's kind of use to it and accepts it. he starts taking her phone to work, she uses her laptop ,he starts taking her laptop, she uses house phone, he unplugs house phone and doesn't let her have any means of communication. shes there for about 3 months. i guess this guy would fight with her everyday because he was really paranoid about her being with me. since every time she calls i tell this guy and am very straight forward. the guy hates me, idk why, like im being a good guy here and telling him what his gf is telling me. a lot of push pull at this point though. one weeks she misses me, the next she's telling me that she's pregnant is going to get married. (which she later said she lied about) point being after about 3 months she comes back to our home state and we get back together.  shocked shocked shocked

so were together again and im happy. she talks about marriage like she always has. about souls mates and what not. were going to school together, college, so we see each other very often. she doesnt stay over during the day however and will not tell her parents about our relationship. obviously they hate me for what "i did". i beg her to tell her parents because i hate it when she leaves in the morning so early. she tells me that if she tells them that they'll kick her out and not pay for school and that they really really really really hate me. (ALMOST TO THE END GUYS THANKS FOR STICKING AROUND SO FAR) so the week of our relationship, monday, we go to the city and get drunk, she tells me about 1oo times shes in love with me and that she wants to marry me and that shes sees us being together of the rest of our lives. we go home and i make love to this women like ive never have before, full connection, poured out my heart to her. it was different. for the both of us. amazing. life goes on and friday comes, we get into a stupid argument on friday on the phone. i was inviting her to the city. after a couple hours she agrees but i have to go to her house and wait for her to change and get ready. we take the train ( i dont have a car at this point) during the train ride we talk about her classes and what not( shes taking a very heavy courseload which i would think is causing her a lot of stress) finally we make it to her stop and she tells me shes going to take a 3 hour nap. i get mad and we get into an argument. she threatens to call police and to tell her mother that ive been stalking her.  ( this argument isnt as bad as priors we have had, not even top 10) i walk away and the part where she threatened to tell her mother really ticked me off so i called her mother and told her everything. obviously the mother starts screaming at me and and brings up the 900$ for the jacket and all this bull . i hang up go to the city and get really drunk because i dont care at that point.

so this is where things get interesting.

The next day, saturday, at around midnight, im studying for a coding class im taking and my doorbell rings. what the heck? so i go and two police officers are there and they ask me to come to the precinct for some questions. i agree because what the heck i havnt done anything wrong. they cuff me and tell me that snoopy made a report stating that i had pushed her to the ground and threaten her life... .shocked above all that, her mother also made a report stating that i threaten to kill her too! What the heck IS WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY.

i get arrested and get a restraining order point on me. i get out after 5 days being in jail,,, not fun,, and i text her thinking she was over it by then and confronter her in the text for lying ( i forgot to mention she is diagnosed bipolar and doesnt take medication because it makes her fat) what a mistake that was, i get arrested again for breaking the order of protection and go back to the slammer. i get out and a month later i called while i was drunk and now i was a warrant for my arrest.

this has hit me hard and am very heart broken. i cant believe she can go one day stating she loves me to the next ruining my life. no prior record. had to drop out of school because of the restraining order. we spoke one day through text and she just blamed be for evrything, called me a creep and stalker, brought up things ive done wrong to her from day one, even made some up, said i deserve the wrath of god.

so now i have to hand myself in go to jail again for the 3rd time. its been about a month and a half NC, from her part at least, and i dont know what to do. i want to know if any of you think she'll show up in court? shes not good with confrontations. and if she does what should  i do? Any thing i should tell my lawyer or bring into court? ive skipped many things because i dont want to write a book but if anyone wants further details ill be happy to share.

Be good everyone and thanks for reading, typing this has made me feel somewhat better.

[hardtimes1994]

so I've been reading many forums throughout this site and let me just say that they have helped a lot. so ill make this as short as possible. dated this BPD girl (lets call her Snoopy) freshman year of college. ( i believe she has waif traits ), i knew her since high school and we ended up in the same college. the first time we dated she was great, until she got too clingy and obsessive. i broke it off after about 2 or 3  months and that was the end of that. ( we would occasionally meet up but just for sex, only like 3-4 times) Until about 2 years later, my JR year, i see her walking down the hallway with her boyfriend and she waves at me. she happened to have class across from me. we started talking again and one thing lead to the other and she dump her boyfriend and started dating me. I guess at that moment i had reached a point where i was ready to fall in love and actually be with someone long term unlike my freshman year. after about a month into the relationship she was getting calls from a blocked number and i got suspicious and grabbed her phone and ran out my house to answer it. as im running down the block i answer the phone to have the person on the line tell me it was snoopys BF who lived in another state. so this girl was dating this man for some time ( actually her HS sweatheart), couple of months actually. So snoopy had be running behind me the whole time and she finally caught up and jumped on my and started scratching and attacking me. i pushed her off me and she fell and ripped she mother expensive designer jacket. she began to cry and cry and beg for my forgiveness. i asked her to call the guy and break it off and tell him she was dating me. she did. one of my closest friends witnessed the whole ordeal and was really mad at me.  come to think of it, all my friends, every single one, hates this women. anyways we made up and times were great for a little while. time went on and i realized she was still talking to her ex in the other state. she was doing this triangulation thing BPDs do.

Feb came( two months later) and valentines was approaching. i caught her texting this guy the day before valentine's and we got into a huge argument and whatnot. i told her if she wanted to leave then she should just leave. we agreed to have a good time and she said she would stop talking to him again. valentines day, i buy flowers, chocolate, stuffed animal, jewelry, the works. finally get all my shopping done and i call her and she tells me she's about to get on a train to this guys state. What the heck. This women left me on valentines day, no warning, nothing. i was heartbroken. i begged her to stay but nothing. she leaves.

while she is with this guy, she eventually called me about 2 weeks in and talks to, as if nothing had happened. she tells me she regrets going and that she wants to come back. after insisting that she comes back we finally agree for em to drive, about 700 miles, to go pick her up during a huge snowstorm. of corse i do it because i'm starting to love this women. i pick her up, apparently this guy was really angry with her or something, we stay at hotels and have sex the first night, all we do for about two days. we come back to out home state and shes too embarrassed to go home. so she lives with me and we perfect, she gives me her phone and i drive her to this school where she was doing some program(about 30 min away monday thru thursday). i finally tell her to go home and make mends with family. she does.

(i lose my job during this time because she insists on me calling out/ doesn't let me sleep at time for multiple rounds of intercourse)  

her birthday is coming up. (YAY RIGHT... .) so i invite her out the night before for her to get cannolis, which she loves, she has two, she sleeps over we go to bed around 3 am.  i wish her happy birthday ect. i wake at 7am to her screaming at me that i have to drive her home because she has to go so some job interview... .(BULL___) it was so shocking to wake up like that, that i didn't even argue or question.( i'm not the one to buy into her lies or even at this point her tears which she can bust out on cue like a oscar winning actress) as im getting putting on my pants she's still screaming at me and finally i snap and call her a b___. i guess she didn't like that which led her to attack me and dig her huge nasty nails into my hand. i was bleeding for a couple of hours, have scars where she did this. i couldn't believe she got physical with me. i drive her home and for some reason she crying the whole way as if i was the devil or something. we get into an argument during the drive. and i poured some water from a mcdonald drink where the ice had melted. ( i did this because just a couple days before she launched a 80 percent full soda can at my face while i was driving that almost made me get into an accident, not to add it made my whole side of the car very sticky) . this made her stop crying and she finally became very quiet, it was so weird, she finally stopped screaming and arguing, guess she couldn't handle a dose of her own medicine. so i finally make it to her house and she leaves. about two hours later she texts and asks if i would be going to diner with her and her family for her birthday. are you serious... .i said no. a couple hours later i get a call from her mother to come to the house to have a talk.

i make it to the house during the afternoon and her mother and father are sitting at the table waiting for me. i sit down and ask whats going on. the mother starts screaming at me like some lunatic that im a women beater and that i should go to jail. im really confused at this point and starting to get angry because i don't appreciate people screaming at me. she finally tells me that snoopy told her and her husband that chocked her and kicked her and idk what else. snoopy is nowhere while these crazy accusations are being made.  i scan my brain trying to remember if i did any of this during any of out fights. nothing, i may scream and curse but never, never, never get physical. so the only things that comes to mind is that recently snoopy started requesting that i choke her during sex. of course i agreed. for some reason i told them that the only time i choked snoopy was during sex and only because she requested it. they didnt take this very well... .her mother started screaming some more, about me being a women beater and mentioning that i owe her 900$ for the jacket that got ripped(that i mentioned earlier). i stood up and told her to stop screaming at me and that i would not be paying for the jacket and that if she felt to strongly about it she should sue me. i left.

so we went NC for about two weeks and i started missing her. i messaged her and called. she finally responds and we start sleeping with each other again. i guess we hadn't gotten back together but she would spends nights at my house and i would have to drive her early to her home for her parents no to realize she was gone. this went on for 2 weeks. so get a load of this. she sleeps with me on a friday, tell me to drive her home sat morning, i do and that same day during the night i find out the other guy from the other state came to pick her up and she went to go live with him. are you serious. she did it again. no warning, no nothing.

so now she's 700 miles away sleeping with this other guy. prob being choked by him. after a couple weeks she starts calling while he's at work telling me she regrets doing what she did and that she wants to come back and that she's not happy over there and whatnot. at this point i'm not putting up with this ___ and i start telling the guy what she's telling me. she only calls when he's at work. so the guy is pissed but this guys has been through more ___ with snoopy then i have. so i guess he's kind of use to it and accepts it. he starts taking her phone to work, she uses her laptop ,he starts taking her laptop, she uses house phone, he unplugs house phone and doesn't let her have any means of communication. shes there for about 3 months. i guess this guy would fight with her everyday because he was really paranoid about her being with me. since every time she calls i tell this guy and am very straight forward. the guy hates me, idk why, like im being a good guy here and telling him what his gf is telling me. a lot of push pull at this point though. one weeks she misses me, the next she's telling me that she's pregnant is going to get married. (which she later said she lied about) point being after about 3 months she comes back to our home state and we get back together.  shocked shocked shocked

so were together again and im happy. she talks about marriage like she always has. about souls mates and what not. were going to school together, college, so we see each other very often. she doesnt stay over during the day however and will not tell her parents about our relationship. obviously they hate me for what "i did". i beg her to tell her parents because i hate it when she leaves in the morning so early. she tells me that if she tells them that they'll kick her out and not pay for school and that they really really really really hate me. (ALMOST TO THE END GUYS THANKS FOR STICKING AROUND SO FAR) so the week of our relationship, monday, we go to the city and get drunk, she tells me about 1oo times shes in love with me and that she wants to marry me and that shes sees us being together of the rest of our lives. we go home and i make love to this women like ive never have before, full connection, poured out my heart to her. it was different. for the both of us. amazing. life goes on and friday comes, we get into a stupid argument on friday on the phone. i was inviting her to the city. after a couple hours she agrees but i have to go to her house and wait for her to change and get ready. we take the train ( i dont have a car at this point) during the train ride we talk about her classes and what not( shes taking a very heavy courseload which i would think is causing her a lot of stress) finally we make it to her stop and she tells me shes going to take a 3 hour nap. i get mad and we get into an argument. she threatens to call police and to tell her mother that ive been stalking her.  ( this argument isnt as bad as priors we have had, not even top 10) i walk away and the part where she threatened to tell her mother really ticked me off so i called her mother and told her everything. obviously the mother starts screaming at me and and brings up the 900$ for the jacket and all this bull . i hang up go to the city and get really drunk because i dont care at that point.

so this is where things get interesting.

The next day, saturday, at around midnight, im studying for a coding class im taking and my doorbell rings. what the heck? so i go and two police officers are there and they ask me to come to the precinct for some questions. i agree because what the heck i havnt done anything wrong. they cuff me and tell me that snoopy made a report stating that i had pushed her to the ground and threaten her life... .shocked above all that, her mother also made a report stating that i threaten to kill her too! What the heck IS WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY.

i get arrested and get a restraining order point on me. i get out after 5 days being in jail,,, not fun,, and i text her thinking she was over it by then and confronter her in the text for lying ( i forgot to mention she is diagnosed bipolar and doesnt take medication because it makes her fat) what a mistake that was, i get arrested again for breaking the order of protection and go back to the slammer. i get out and a month later i called while i was drunk and now i was a warrant for my arrest.

this has hit me hard and am very heart broken. i cant believe she can go one day stating she loves me to the next ruining my life. no prior record. had to drop out of school because of the restraining order. we spoke one day through text and she just blamed be for evrything, called me a creep and stalker, brought up things ive done wrong to her from day one, even made some up, said i deserve the wrath of god.

so now i have to hand myself in go to jail again for the 3rd time. its been about a month and a half NC, from her part at least, and i dont know what to do. i want to know if any of you think she'll show up in court? shes not good with confrontations. and if she does what should  i do? Any thing i should tell my lawyer or bring into court? ive skipped many things because i dont want to write a book but if anyone wants further details ill be happy to share.

Be good everyone and thanks for reading, typing this has made me feel somewhat better.

[ForeverDad]

First, accept deep down to your core that this woman is Bad News.  You may say you can love her good behaviors and ignore her bad behaviors.  Well, that's impossible, she is both and sadly the bad stuff overwhelms the good stuff.  Look where that has gotten you... .in jail with two serious infractions of an order that could have just "gone away" if only you would have kept your distance.

Distance is usually a protection.  BPD is a disorder most evident in close relationships.

Do you have a good lawyer?  Listen to him.  Your GF has set you up to be roasted in a legal bonfire at court.  Your lawyer will try to keep you from talking too much, talking can get you into more trouble, not out of it.  Don't expect fairness at court, it's not about fairness or justice, it's about judicial law, case law, procedures, policies, etc.  Sadly, Emotional claims by women get more response in court than reality and facts by men.  So if she claims one thing and you claim something different, odds are the court will "play it safe" and 'protect' the one posing as the victim.

Do you have a good counselor or therapist?  Why have one?  Because you need help to really see she was Bad News from long ago.  Your "spidey sense" is broken, it should have sent you running (and not going back again and again).

Huge Red Flags should have been (1) her volatility and (2) her repeated contact with other BFs.  She is an adult, just as you are.  She's allowed to choose her relationships, just as you are.  However, swapping BFs in and out should not be viewed as normal.  And it's especially not normal if she's also volatile and inconsistent.  You can't rule her life or change her, well, not unless she truly wants to change (usually only through long term intensive professional therapy).  Yes, you told her to end it and sometimes it even ended the relationship but the point is you kept letting her back into your life unchanged.

One thing that might help you in court, besides defending yourself from false and exaggerated allegations, is to state that you've come to realize there is No Future in this years-long relationship and that you will definitely 100% not ever contact her again.  Add that this on-again, off-again relationship lasted for years because you both kept getting back together.  Ask the court what to do if she, as may very well happen, contacts you?  (Odds are she has now "permanently painted you black" but who knows?)  Anyway, the court would tell you to it's your responsibility to stay away, that she doesn't face the same restrictions.

I was in court with my stbEx while the divorce case was open when she filed harassment and stalking allegations, serious stuff.  I was aware enough to strictly obey the order and eventually my lawyer was able to 'negotiate' a mutual stay-away order for the rest of the year where it clearly stated I didn't admit any guilt.  Once it expired it went away.

Beware of 'plea deals'.  They typically hinge upon the target admitting some level of guilt.  Those can follow you around for years and even impact future employment, etc.  Some states have procedures for eventual expungement if you've behaved yourself, some don't.

Do you have Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy & Randi Kreger?  You may not have a marriage certificate and you may not have children together, but much of the advice and warnings do apply for you.

Final word of advice:  The relationship is OVER.  Accept that with your head and heart.  Otherwise your rough ride on the roller coaster isn't anywhere near being over.

[hardtimes1994]

Thank you for the reply. Yes I have realized she is bad news for me and I do think she will contact me again. I feel she painted me black because of my calling her mother, she felt betrayed. I am hoping she will not go to court to avoid the confrontation and I hope she'll be afraid to lie to the judge. I forgot to mention that she has done this to her ex, she ha had him arrested. So it isn't the first time with women has lied to have a boyfriend arrested

[ForeverDad]

Oh my, that's one point I forgot to add... .whether she has a HISTORY of making allegations against prior relationship partners.  To some extent you may have to 'own' your violating the protection order but her history of "using the system" to retaliate is something that must be presented to the judge.  Sounds like she is a repeat litigant, she shouldn't be using the legal system to punish her BFs or ex-BFs.

Is your lawyer planning to present copies of those documents?  Lots of lawyer expect to make a plea deal since they know their clients have a history with the judicial system.  Presumably your sheet is clear except for this current mess.  Just saying "she had her prior BF arrested too, this is becoming her M.O." may not be enough, you'll need specifics, the paperwork if possible, so she can't deny it.  Hmm, and for all you know there might be others... .

Yes, hope she doesn't appear but also be very prepared in case she does appear.  Be calm, be respectful, be polite to all.  Any sign of anger will probably sink you.  She may try to claim you are Controlling.  (Clueless guy, you kept telling her to change, promise not to two-time you, etc.)  Court presumes Controllers, especially men, are likely to be abusers so don't get painted as Controlling.

My experience... .when I first separated, ex's lawyer tried to corner me into seeming a Controller, he asked if I wanted her to come back home and I honestly replied, No, not the way she is now.  See?  If I had wanted her back he might have claimed I wanted her back under my Control.  He also tried to say I was larger than my ex, as though size dictates whether a person should be afraid or not.  That too went nowhere.  Afterward I thought of what should have been a perfect response... ."So if she should be afraid of me because I'm larger, does that mean our child should be afraid of her because she's larger than our child?"

You can defend yourself, stand up for yourself, but do so as a person who will learn from this and not get in this situation ever again.

Don't be surprised if your case has a continuance or two.  Happens all the time.  My ex was facing DV threat charges and she kept refusing to make a plea deal and so the case was continued a couple times, it was four months before we had the trial.  So this can be a marathon, not a sprint, so don't let down your guard... .no contact... .no arguments... .keep yourself focused on staying squeaky clean.  If drinking weakens your obedience to orders, then don't overdrink or get drunk at all, don't risk it.

Some questions... .

IF she doesn't show up, would they drop the entire case or proceed anyway with just the contact violations?

If she does show up, will your lawyer have the documentation to use to catch her in lies or exaggerations?

Since you were arrested for that initial complaint, has she ever reached out and contacted you?  If so, can you document it to the court?  Violating the terms of the order might be bad, but it might be 'less bad' if she weakened the order by acting contrary to the order's purpose (to protect her by stopping contact).

If you don't have any prior problems or history with the police and courts, that may help you when you say this was a one-time situation, that you've truly learned from the experience (once burned, twice shy) and will not only stay away form her you also won't become a revolving door problem for them.

Remember, don't volunteer information unless so instructed by your lawyer.  Every word can be taken out of context - or ignored - whenever the court wishes.  For example, saying "Yes but... ." or "No but... ."

Remember the old joke, the prosecutor glares at the innocent defendant on the stand and quizzes, "Have you stopped beating your wife?"  Whatever the answer, Yes nor No, the person would look bad.  So answer carefully or follow your lawyer's direction on how to handle trick questions.

My lawyer said his first job was to sit on his clients so they couldn't do anything to get themselves into worse trouble.