Help I am having a set back and wanting my ex BPD bf back

[Itstopsnow]

I have gone NC for over 2 weeks.  We broke up in August. It was a very dysfunctional 18 months of ups and downs. We were so close and went on so many great vacations together and he was always with me everyday and night. We had bouts of almost breaking up several times but couldn't stay apart more than a few days. He would have terrible mood swings and call me horrible names. It was very stormy. The last fight he spit in my face. I know ending it is the right thing. I am just feeling so desperate for him. I am in counseling and doing volunteer work and trying to reach out to friends. But is this normal to get such days that I feel like I'm having a tremendous set back? Am I having a set back? Or is this the normal process of grieving. I feel worse today than I have in months.

[Turkish]

Hi Itstopsnow,

I think it's natural for you to have these feelings. This is a man you loved, after all, despite the ups and downs, and even despite the spitting in your face (which is beyond the pale).

Despite feeling how you are on the inside, it's good that you are reaching out to friends, and to your community. I did, and still do similar things. You're taking steps to change a pattern, and it will take however long it takes. 

T

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Itstops, I agree w/Turkish: It's normal to have those feelings.  My suggestion is to process the feelings and let them pass, without acting on them, i.e., without reaching out to your Ex.  How does one process feelings, you might ask?  Talking to your T is one way; another might be to write them down in a journal; you could reach out to a trusted friend; or you could sit with your feelings, in a mindful way, without the need to do anything other than just observe.  Walking with your feelings (20 minutes or more) can also be effective.

LuckyJim

[kairorose]

I am having a similar experience with my bf. Its very hard for me to let go.