I feel so torn since my other 2 sisters really hate spending any time with the BPD sister and I understand that but I also know that she is very sad and lonely and in some ways does not understand why she gets the reactions she gets. Anyway, I do not want to isolate her but it is always hard to make special plans for her. I was reading some of the material available on this site and I feel I fit into the "good girl" with my mother who was undiagnosed (I was a child in the 50/60s). I was her "friend".
It is very common for a BPD mother to “triangulate” their kids and effectively decide what your roll will be. And from what you say, you quiet naturally assumed that “therapist” roll with your sister also. But in truth with a BPD who refuses to go to professional help, we aren’t a “therapist” we’re a crutch, because we can’t change how they behave. In honesty any bit of wood can be a crutch, meaning a BPD cares less about where they get their “narcisstic supply” and more about getting it now.
But in truth it isn’t your responsibility. You mentioned others in the family who could help out, 2 sisters. So you should do what’s right for you. Just because a BPD gives us a roll, doesn’t mean we are stuck with that for life. For what’s it’s worth I was very much the fixer in my family so I know it’s tough. But I went NC, and my sibling reluctantly started to help out. But unless I was NC they would have 100% assume they could have ignored the problem and left it to me. But your situation is different. However the commonality is you aren’t responsible for sisters and mothers. FOG may give us the impression we are, but no so. So consider what’s right for you first, and if that helps your family, bonus. I still get on well with the non BPD members of my family.
