PTSD after a BPD break-up

[Depression = 72% of members]

I made the mistake of texting my ex today and asking how she was, I expected that she would say something like "I moved on, And you should too". We have not spoken in a month, and I'm still feeling horrible. I'm sick to my stomach all day, and I really felt the inclination to see how she is. She responds that she understands how I feel, has a constant headache etc we wished each other good luck, and that was the end of it. it really sucks that for the past three years, I was in a relationship with whom I thought Was the love of my life, I didn't know she had BPD until the Last year, and when I faced her with that, she resisted to go get a formal diagnosis. We referred to the DSM-IV criteria and she fits all of them. I don't know if anybody on here feels so crashed, disappointed, and simply annoyed at the fact that it is really difficult to control human physiology and psychology. I always believed that mind is over matter, but in this case the mind and the matter is a mess. I also feel that I have PTSD, because when I get a text, I get teary. This was bizarre, because that's the last thing I want to show at work is tear eyes... .How embarrassing. Just the thought of her, or seeing her phone number, makes me tear and little anxious. Has that ever happen to anyone? I think I need to start working on PTSD, But I don't know where to start. I have read a lot about codependence, and it does not seem like something I have. But I can say my self esteem is crushed. Let me know if any of you went through something similar to this.

[Freeatlast_1]

I made the mistake of texting my ex today and asking how she was, I expected that she would say something like "I moved on, And you should too". We have not spoken in a month, and I'm still feeling horrible. I'm sick to my stomach all day, and I really felt the inclination to see how she is. She responds that she understands how I feel, has a constant headache etc we wished each other good luck, and that was the end of it. it really sucks that for the past three years, I was in a relationship with whom I thought Was the love of my life, I didn't know she had BPD until the Last year, and when I faced her with that, she resisted to go get a formal diagnosis. We referred to the DSM-IV criteria and she fits all of them. I don't know if anybody on here feels so crashed, disappointed, and simply annoyed at the fact that it is really difficult to control human physiology and psychology. I always believed that mind is over matter, but in this case the mind and the matter is a mess. I also feel that I have PTSD, because when I get a text, I get teary. This was bizarre, because that's the last thing I want to show at work is tear eyes... .How embarrassing. Just the thought of her, or seeing her phone number, makes me tear and little anxious. Has that ever happen to anyone? I think I need to start working on PTSD, But I don't know where to start. I have read a lot about codependence, and it does not seem like something I have. But I can say my self esteem is crushed. Let me know if any of you went through something similar to this.

[C.Stein]

Just the thought of her, or seeing her phone number, makes me tear and little anxious. Has that ever happen to anyone?

Yes, everyday.

[Turkish]

Freeatlast_1,

I suffered from PTSD like symptoms for over a year. As she was leaving, crying at random times, sometimes sitting shell-shocked (in a classic moment she saw me like that, she asked, "what's wrong?" I just threw up my hands and she went on doing laundry).

I grew to resent my Ex over our last year, but I was also crushed when it ended. Being so focused on care taking our partners, it's often a Herculean task to take care of ourselves.

What are you doing to take care of yourself right now?

[hopealways]

I am 100 days NC and still when I hear a friend mention her I have shortness of breath and anxiety.  But it is nothing like the anxiety I had during the relationship and between the numerous discards. I couldn't sleep, awful anxiety, looking out the window wondering if she will every come back.  I certainly have PTSD now otherwise I wouldn't have these physical reactions upon hearing of her, but I know that in time it will fade.  Finally after almost 4 years I'm excited about a life after PTSD, I know it will happen soon and I will be stronger and healthier than ever.

[Freeatlast_1]

Turkish, I have a great job so that helps, I also paint and take horse riding lessons. I watch TV at night and I write in a diary. I try to keep busy, I even hired a personal trainer to encourage me to go to the gym. I don'e like to talk about my relationships to friends, I feel it's personal and I don't want to be the target of gossip and judgements. But that's what I am here for. I AM REALLY TRYING to get my mind off of her. She has brainwashed me to the point that I feel that sometimes I NEED HER to function which is false and bazar. I just figured out the PTSD symptoms and that actually angers me, I should not have allowed myself to get this far, take all that crap, and allow myself to be emotionally abused. It was not worth all that dysfunction in me.

[Freeatlast_1]

Hopealways, a 100 days is A LOT. I wish I can shrink healing time, I am at the anger stage of grief now. I want to get over this asap, but my heart and mind want to take their sweet time . I wish I can get retrograde amnesia and start over.

[hopealways]

Hopealways, a 100 days is A LOT. I wish I can shrink healing time, I am at the anger stage of grief now. I want to get over this asap, but my heart and mind want to take their sweet time . I wish I can get retrograde amnesia and start over.

I wish I could shrink healing time too but as much as I have tried all that works is just trusting the process of NC. BPD relationships SUCK! But all said I would rather be in a non in recovery than a BPD sufferer. We will heal sooner or later, but they will be BPD for life. And don't forget, part of their DSM IV criteria for being a BPD is that they will always have a history of tumultuous relationships. It will never end. So while we should be grateful for the blessings we have, let's also be grateful for what we don't have.

[Freeatlast_1]

Hopealways, thanks that is definitely true. Sometimes I get jealous feelings when I imagine her with her next victim in idealization mode, because she is a PRO at that. She's make you feel like you got super powers, and I was so nieve to fall in her traps. Despite knowing what she has, and knowing that I am better off, my ego does care that she is with someone else. I am not sure if she is... .but I know she is f***ing around, because I know how hypersexual she can be. I wish I can just... .Not care... .and focus on me and my healing. But I do care... .and it hurts.

[C.Stein]

Hopealways, thanks that is definitely true. Sometimes I get jealous feelings when I imagine her with her next victim in idealization mode, because she is a PRO at that. She's make you feel like you got super powers, and I was so nieve to fall in her traps. Despite knowing what she has, and knowing that I am better off, my ego does care that she is with someone else. I am not sure if she is... .but I know she is f***ing around, because I know how hypersexual she can be. I wish I can just... .Not care... .and focus on me and my healing. But I do care... .and it hurts.

You might as well have just described me and my ex.  One of the most difficult things to let go of is that woman I fell in love with during the idealization stage.  The "once in a life time" love.  The unbelievable intense connection on both an emotional and physical level.  The thought of someone else going through that with her is beyond crushing.

[mm1024]

Hi there

I am in a similar place with my BPD/ASPD/NPD soon to be exhusband. He has already moved in with a woman after (and still technically) married to me for 7 years. It is crushing. I will say the NC is the way to truly heal. Once you get there, and you will get there, you will feel better. I know it takes time, and time is truly the key. being able to read on this board and post, does help as well.

[Skip]

I made the mistake of texting my ex today and asking how she was, I expected that she would say something like "I moved on, And you should too". We have not spoken in a month, and I'm still feeling horrible. I'm sick to my stomach all day, and I really felt the inclination to see how she is. She responds that she understands how I feel, has a constant headache etc we wished each other good luck, and that was the end of it. it really sucks that for the past three years, I was in a relationship with whom I thought Was the love of my life... .

So what happened here - you really haven't said. You went on a trip - all was good - and now Low Contact for 30 days.

What happened?

[Freeatlast_1]

What happened is usual. After the trip, she called me saying that we cannot be together Etc etc I didn't want to going to details because these patterns are just so redundant.basically when my ex feels that we got close, she finds a way to escape.