still cant make sense of the chaos

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi

i am hoping i can fins some answers maybe closure comfort

i was in an on off relationship with the most gorgeous girl i have ever met

i met her out of the blue through work.  looking back may be i was a bit vulnerable , i was lonley divorced missed my kids but to be fair i was kinda content , i have a good job wage own home ect

any way it was a 2 year on off relationship , she drank to excess , would damage my property , hit me ect.

constantly accuse me of looking at other woman , deny doing things when i knew she had , i never got that bit

the day i introduced her to my 6 year old little girl she caused a scene and left us at the circus

there was always some awful event going on when i dumped her , all her exs were "evil"


i would break up with her only to be sucked back in ( ive learnt this is charming ) and each time things got worse any way ive left her hopefully for good this time as ive genuinely had enough  and want to maintain my sanity

anybody out there can relate to this id appreciate the help advice , as i still miss her believe it or not

the charming id horrendous via text although ive spammed her over 400 text in a month from wanting me back to 5 mins later i hate you ect

any one offer any comment to re assure me i am not going mad

many thanks

 

[vern1156]

Hi

i am hoping i can fins some answers maybe closure comfort

i was in an on off relationship with the most gorgeous girl i have ever met

i met her out of the blue through work.  looking back may be i was a bit vulnerable , i was lonley divorced missed my kids but to be fair i was kinda content , i have a good job wage own home ect

any way it was a 2 year on off relationship , she drank to excess , would damage my property , hit me ect.

constantly accuse me of looking at other woman , deny doing things when i knew she had , i never got that bit

the day i introduced her to my 6 year old little girl she caused a scene and left us at the circus

there was always some awful event going on when i dumped her , all her exs were "evil"


i would break up with her only to be sucked back in ( ive learnt this is charming ) and each time things got worse any way ive left her hopefully for good this time as ive genuinely had enough  and want to maintain my sanity

anybody out there can relate to this id appreciate the help advice , as i still miss her believe it or not

the charming id horrendous via text although ive spammed her over 400 text in a month from wanting me back to 5 mins later i hate you ect

any one offer any comment to re assure me i am not going mad

many thanks

 

[once removed]

hey vern1156 and

i found the jealousy to be pretty exhausting. it seems kind of comforting at first, and you think all you need to do is be loyal and reassure... .and the problem gets worse. hitting you, is of course, unacceptable. im sorry to hear that youve been through this  .

it sounds like theres still a lot going on, and a lot of unresolved feelings, which is understandable. how long since you last had contact?

im glad you found us. i think it will be of great value to you to check out the lessons (links) directly to the right in terms of figuring out how you want to progress.

hang in there, and keep posting, we are here for you.

[Lucky Jim]

any way it was a 2 year on off relationship , she drank to excess , would damage my property , hit me ect. constantly accuse me of looking at other woman , deny doing things when i knew she had , i never got that bit the day i introduced her to my 6 year old little girl she caused a scene and left us at the circus

there was always some awful event going on when i dumped her , all her exs were "evil"

Hey vern, This is a good description of a typical r/s with a pwBPD.  It sounds like you know my Ex!  Just kidding.  Seriously, I suggest you be grateful that you are out of a toxic situation.  Learn from it and move on.

LuckyJim

[vern1156]

hi guys thanks for the reply --ive been out the relation ship 2 months now

i am trying to keep myself busy but i do miss her and wonder if she could change but then i remember the bad times and i don't think she will... .i happened to bump into one of her ex partners who suffered the same chaos !  i still miss her tho ... .its been 2 months since i spoke to her , although she still text me ive spammed her

the text vary for i love you to your evil !

ive no intention of getting back with her ... i just don't get why i feel the way i do given the fact ive never felt like this at the end of a break up... .it actually feels like am greiving a death if that makes sense

[Lucky Jim]

Hey vern, In my view, what you are going through is normal and to be expected in the aftermath of a BPD r/s, which is why a lot of people on here recycle in order to relieve the pain.  Trouble is, it's even more painful the second time around.  Suggest you ride this one out and I can guaranty that you will start feeling better at some point (the timing is different for everyone).  LJ