Best Books for divorcing a BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello again everyone,

Can anyone give me a suggestion on books for divorcing a BPD?  Apologies if this topic is already in here, I did see the book reviews topic in the main forum but thought it might be better to get specific books for divorcing a full blown borderline.  I've already read splitting and it was very helpful, I'm looking for anything else that will help guide me through this process and hopefully help me get a resolution that is right for myself and my son.

Here's the main characteristics of what I'm dealing with:

- Severe mood swings

- Violent outbursts

- Projections

- Severe false accusations (in court)

- Witholding visitation of my son

- Neglect to our son

- Playing the victim

- Parental alienation (She tells a baby not to laugh at his Father because he's evil)

- Homeless (She's currently crashing at a friends condo with our 16 month old)

- Dangerous driving (Stop signs are optional for her and I've witnessed two occasions where she wouldn't put a seatbelt on our baby)


That's all I can think of at the moment.  To be clear - it is 24/7/365.  One minute she'll tell me I'm disgusting, and the next minute she'll tell me she's lonely and wants to have sex with me and/or call off the divorce.  She won't call me for 2 weeks and then will call me 10 times at 3:30 AM.  Last time I saw her she literally force fed half a bowl of rice down my throat and the next day accused me with her lawyer of eating all of her groceries and leaving nothing to eat for my son.  She refused to wear a seatbelt, and then screamed at her therapist (while I was there) that I'm a huge liar and I was the one who wouldn't wear my seatbelt. 

Any book suggestions are appreciated, there are a lot of them available but I'm hoping to only find the best 5 - 10.

If you have any other suggestions on how to educate myself and prepare I'm all ears.

Cheers,

[Duck_Borders]

Hello again everyone,

Can anyone give me a suggestion on books for divorcing a BPD?  Apologies if this topic is already in here, I did see the book reviews topic in the main forum but thought it might be better to get specific books for divorcing a full blown borderline.  I've already read splitting and it was very helpful, I'm looking for anything else that will help guide me through this process and hopefully help me get a resolution that is right for myself and my son.

Here's the main characteristics of what I'm dealing with:

- Severe mood swings

- Violent outbursts

- Projections

- Severe false accusations (in court)

- Witholding visitation of my son

- Neglect to our son

- Playing the victim

- Parental alienation (She tells a baby not to laugh at his Father because he's evil)

- Homeless (She's currently crashing at a friends condo with our 16 month old)

- Dangerous driving (Stop signs are optional for her and I've witnessed two occasions where she wouldn't put a seatbelt on our baby)


That's all I can think of at the moment.  To be clear - it is 24/7/365.  One minute she'll tell me I'm disgusting, and the next minute she'll tell me she's lonely and wants to have sex with me and/or call off the divorce.  She won't call me for 2 weeks and then will call me 10 times at 3:30 AM.  Last time I saw her she literally force fed half a bowl of rice down my throat and the next day accused me with her lawyer of eating all of her groceries and leaving nothing to eat for my son.  She refused to wear a seatbelt, and then screamed at her therapist (while I was there) that I'm a huge liar and I was the one who wouldn't wear my seatbelt. 

Any book suggestions are appreciated, there are a lot of them available but I'm hoping to only find the best 5 - 10.

If you have any other suggestions on how to educate myself and prepare I'm all ears.

Cheers,

[livednlearned]

I'm not aware of a book on divorce that's better than Bill Eddy's:

Book Review: Splitting by Bill Eddy

This is an honest and supportive book, with practical suggestions for handling the many predictable issues of legal manipulations, abusive behavior, false allegations of abusive behavior, finding an attorney, and a prolonged legal process.  

Book Review: It's All Your Fault by Bill Eddy

Eddy finds ways to put complex psychological concepts into simple, clear, everyday language. This is a very helpful book for understanding BPD, especially at a time of crisis when a lot of the psychological language in other resources can be a bit bewildering.

We also have some fairly comprehensive lessons on this here.

In particular, I recommend High-Conflict Family Matters and Personality Disorders. The original article was written by lawyers for lawyers, and it helps you get a sense of the mind-set you need (assertive approach).

Eddy also has the High Conflict Institute with helpful material: www.highconflictinstitute.com