Could i possibly be this alone?

[Ohana]

Hi all. My 18 year old daughter, whom I love with all my heart, and after many years of diagnoses and doctors and medications, has now been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.  I have nowhere to even BEGIN dealing with this. Most psychotherapists have turned her away as a client, claiming they only deal with "functional" people who are not coping with something, but not with these sort of issues.

Most professionals try to wipe their hands clean by saying I should just put her in a hospital.

In my case, she is physically a big girl, mentally 18 with her arguments and putting me down. And yet as clingy as a 3 year old. She has shocking separation anxiety from me. She either follows me around literally all day, not giving me any space at all to even think!  Other times she will sit in her room in the dark for 3 days claiming she is of no use.  She does suffer developmental stuff, but nothing noticeable. No one has diagnosed any problems in that area, but she has always avoided learning at school. She is very bright, very dramatic and very talented in acting skill. But struggles to read or learn. She avoids trying to do any basic life skill needs, like cooking or baking or reading or learning. She won't help with many things as she has issues with almost everything.

She obsesses with psycho talk and it is awkward in company.

Most of all she doesn't want me to tell ANYONE about her situation, and even becomes angry if I should try to approach the subject of her diagnoses.

I am exhausted, I feel desperately alone, no-one to talk to, and have absolutely no direction! Looking for people just to TALK to, or can identify with any of this. I am not coping at ALL! Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Eyeamme]

Hi Ohana,

Sounds like you have a lot going on (to say the least). I think you can get lots out of this site. Read everything you can. Everyone here is really supportive and helpful. I am pretty new here too. I have an undiagnosed BPD 34 yo daughter.

E.

[mimi99]

The good news is that now that you have found us you are no longer alone. It can be really frustrating trying to get help for our sick children. My d24 hasn't been given proper treatment for many years. Therapists seem to believe the mask that she puts on telling them that everything is fine. The best I can do at this point is keep coming here to learn skills to cope and deal with her, and start to heal myself. I have found tools, information and support here that is invaluable. I hope you will find that, too

[Ohana]

Hi Ohana,

Sounds like you have a lot going on (to say the least). I think you can get lots out of this site. Read everything you can. Everyone here is really supportive and helpful. I am pretty new here too. I have an undiagnosed BPD 34 yo daughter.

E.

Thank you Eheamme

[Ohana]

The good news is that now that you have found us you are no longer alone. It can be really frustrating trying to get help for our sick children. My d24 hasn't been given proper treatment for many years. Therapists seem to believe the mask that she puts on telling them that everything is fine. The best I can do at this point is keep coming here to learn skills to cope and deal with her, and start to heal myself. I have found tools, information and support here that is invaluable. I hope you will find that, too

I find that too Mimi, but what happens when you get home and they take that mask off and you're left dealing with it all alone AGAIN and again and again !

[Eyeamme]

I am just so thankful you all are here and understand. For 30 years I have felt like I just didn't get what I did to deserve a mother and a daughter that treated me the way they do. I now know they are both sick. I am learning all about me. This is not for sissies I tell ya.

[mimi99]

Eyeamme summed it up--this is not for sissies! It is overwhelming, exhausting, and so discouraging dealing with a child with BPD. Are you seeing a therapist? The grief and despair you feel can and will get better over time and with help. My company has an EAP benefit that I used to get some free sessions with a therapist when things were really bad with my BPDd24.

Most psychotherapists have turned her away as a client, claiming they only deal with "functional" people who are not coping with something, but not with these sort of issues. Most professionals try to wipe their hands clean by saying I should just put her in a hospital.

Do you live near a major metropolitan area? We found better psychiatric help in DC which is about an hour from our home. There are likely to be more and better choices in a bigger city. There are also some long-term facilities that I wish we had known about when our d was underage and we could have made her go (and had our insurance cover some of it)

In my case, she is physically a big girl, mentally 18 with her arguments and putting me down. And yet as clingy as a 3 year old. She has shocking separation anxiety from me. She either follows me around literally all day, not giving me any space at all to even think!  Other times she will sit in her room in the dark for 3 days claiming she is of no use.  She avoids trying to do any basic life skill needs, like cooking or baking or reading or learning.

It isn't unusual for BPDs to be bright and talented, yet immature in many areas, and also to lack confidence to try and learn new things. My d actually once told my sister that she didn't know how to make a salad! She was 21 at the time!

I

Most of all she doesn't want me to tell ANYONE about her situation, and even becomes angry if I should try to approach the subject of her diagnoses.

It seems reasonable for her to want to keep her problems private, but that doesn't mean you can ignore them. Perhaps instead of discussing her "diagnosis" with her you can approach certain behaviors, and set boundaries regarding them. The tools on the right can really help with communication and setting boundaries you can live with. In our case, our d chose to no longer live within the framework we laid out for her and is not at home any more.

Keep reading--look for other topics that speak to you in this section. The more I read other people's posts and the responses they get, they less alone I feel. Sending you hugs and prayers