My wife bullies and emotionally abuses my 14 year old daughter. What do I do?

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My wife emotionally abuses my 14 year old daughter.   She also gets my other 2 daughters (12 and 16 y.o)  to join in the taunting and abuse.   My wife makes it seem normal and okay to treat my 14 y.o daughter this way.   My wife is uBPD and used to emotionally abuse my older daughter constantly (from age 5 through the now when she is 16), but now she has set her sights on my middle daughter.  Oldest daughter seems to have taken on a lot of my wife's traits including spur of the moment screaming fits of " I hate you and hope you die."    All 3 siblings fight constantly and say the most horrible things to each other.

I have only stayed all these years in order to stand up to her and protect the kids but now I see I have not been able to stop the damage.   Her evil seems to have won over my good intentions.   My wife denies all of this of course and acts totally normal in public so I'm not sure if I'd lose custody if I went that route.   What do I do to protect my middle daughter?  She breaks down and cries in front of people.  She has explosive fits of anger.   She's an emotional mess.   

[tomo]

My wife emotionally abuses my 14 year old daughter.   She also gets my other 2 daughters (12 and 16 y.o)  to join in the taunting and abuse.   My wife makes it seem normal and okay to treat my 14 y.o daughter this way.   My wife is uBPD and used to emotionally abuse my older daughter constantly (from age 5 through the now when she is 16), but now she has set her sights on my middle daughter.  Oldest daughter seems to have taken on a lot of my wife's traits including spur of the moment screaming fits of " I hate you and hope you die."    All 3 siblings fight constantly and say the most horrible things to each other.

I have only stayed all these years in order to stand up to her and protect the kids but now I see I have not been able to stop the damage.   Her evil seems to have won over my good intentions.   My wife denies all of this of course and acts totally normal in public so I'm not sure if I'd lose custody if I went that route.   What do I do to protect my middle daughter?  She breaks down and cries in front of people.  She has explosive fits of anger.   She's an emotional mess.   

[Turkish]

Hi tomo,

It's been a while since you posted. I'm sorry that your daughters are mirroring their mother. I imagine it would be very tough to provide a safe space for any of your children when their mother is roping them into her drama.

Have you given thought to using the communication tools towards your daughters, like validation? A one-one-one interation would prbabably be the best with D12.

T