Continuing to work on my boundaries

[unicorn2014]

 

As more time goes on I am emotionally and mentally sobering up from my relationship with a married man, I'm having a harder and harder time referring to him as my partner until he gets divorced.

I have no doubt that now he is working on a divorce as he no longer has to deal with his wife denying his claim that they are incompatible as they have been separated for over 3 years and that is grounds for divorce.

What I am having to process is that the relationship I thought I was having was all a fantasy and that it actually hasn't happened yet.

To make things even more complicated my daughter called my partner this past week and had him call in her absence from school for being sick because she knew I was in class and she tried to reach her father and he was unavailable.

I'm trying to be really pragmatic here.

I am not at all happy about the past between my partner and I however I do recognize that in the present he is taking the steps I thought he was taking 3 years ago.

I also recognize that he is definitely a stepfather figure to my daughter, and unfortunately in some ways more of a functional father figure then her own father.

I did not know how compatible he and my daughter would be when I brought him into my life, and needless to say that is quite a surprise to me.

He believes they are both NTs (Meyers Briggs type) and that may very well be true. I myself am an NF so in some ways she and he are more temperamentally compatible then she and I.

I have expressed to him that I have a hard time referring to him as my partner until he is divorce however that does not mean I am saying we are "just friends". That is not possible in our situation.

I know you will ask me how can we help you.

I'm imaging you will point me in the direction of RA.

Any other pointers would be welcome.