Living alone

[sharon56]

Can anyone give me some advice on whether or not adult children who have BPD do better living on their own or with their parents?  There really doesn't seem to be any choices in between. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kate4queen]

My son with BPD lives with his brother-(the one who still talks to him)-and we pay rent on the apartment for his brother knowing that he lets his sibling share it with him. We currently live a long way away.

Living at home was not an option so this works well for us. But we also have a limit on the arrangement as non BPD brother has got to get into university by 2017, After that we won't be paying any rent of he doesn't, and if they want to keep the place, they'll have to pay for it. BPD son is 24 younger son is 22.

[twojaybirds]

I think it depends upon what you meant by 'better'

When my dd is here it is horrid between us, tension, unrest, both trying to hard until one of us snaps.

She lives with her boyfriend now for over a year.  I do know how b they seem to compliment each other well.  She did say she would want to live alone over a female roommate, which probably would end up disastrous.

[SAAT]

My dd24 lives out of home with her dog cat and flatmate. She has lived out of home for 6 years but returned once for 6 weeks after a breakup. Although my husband ... Her stepfather loves her, it is much easier for us if she lives out of home. However, she is 10 mins away and we provide a lot of support both practical and financial. I want her to learn to be independent ... I won't be here forever!  If she is down she comes and stays the night.

[lbjnltx]

Living out of the family home and with some company... .for my d a male, gay roommate works well... .so far.

[wendydarling]

Interesting question sharon56 thank you for raising, and all who replied. This is also on my mind, for the future.

Hum!

I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. While my daughter  is working for now, she could never afford or manage keeping together a home at this point.

We live in a housing co-op, I'm presently Co-Chair of the Management Committee. We are opposing the UK housing bill to save current social housing for all.

My daughter lives with me. She is a quiet borderline, she does not blame me for her life, yet, our relationship is for now strong. We are petitioning for immediate treatment.

Following A&E last weekend my daughter is staying at a safe home for women.

I met a lovely 87 year lady earlier this week, we shared. Her son gained a degree, worked and came back home at the age of 30. He complained of back ache, though it seems he had lost his confidence, his first career job. Moved back home for 10 years, not great for the parents, because they had life aspirations for him, there was no diagnosis as he would not go to the Dr. He moved to local social housing that she and her husband arranged. He has daily visited the family home ever since and has cared for her and her husband who passed last year at 96 years old. She shared his flat is likely squalor despite the money they have given him.

I do think about the future for my daughter, opportunities for independent living etc, She does not wish to live alone, that's one step forward. Has anyone put in place a trust to help their loved one manage income and affairs?

Not quite there yet.

WDx