Lies, New Lawyer & Trial

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have to say I'm finally at the point where I can laugh and no longer cry when I get some new crazy communication from my stbxh through his lawyer to mine.

The lies are so over the top, but yet so very simple to disprove and the only thing consistent about him is that he is consistently  inconsistent and contradicts himself from one declaration to the next. I asked my lawyer at one point if his lawyer was believing this crap and she said no, he's just doing a job. Well today, we were notified by his lawyer that another lawyer would be taking over the case... .I expected this since the outcome was not in his favor at the last hearing. My lawyer says he was probably upset with his lawyer. Wouldn't want to look at ones own self as the problem so best to get a new lawyer... .there's that accountability thing he is incapable of being.

Does he truly believe his own lies? I know his a** is jealous of the sh** coming out of his mouth. But does he believe the stories he's built out of pure fiction? Does he think he's being tactical with all this nonsense? Or is he truly just that delusional? I really don't understand his thought process or lack there of. For someone who can function at a high level in his job I'm always shocked at how little common sense he has. I feel like he is his biggest obstacle and he's living in a house of cards that will crumble any moment but is to occupied with trying to make me look bad and keep his faux life and persona from being exposed.

We are preparing for trail. He doesn't want to settle, even though he offered a crappy settlement offer and we responded with reason based on the law, nope offers off the table. I'm done being a doormat and tired of the meritless threats. How far is he willing to take this. He can't afford a trial, he has failed to comply with so many court orders its just a matter of time before we file for contempt, we are already going back with a motion to enforce court orders. He's almost a month over due on discovery and if he doesn't comply with the next due date we file a motion to compel. How far till he finally caves in and settles for an equitable division? Depositions? Subpoenas? Subpoenas would involve his work, he doesn't want them to know he's being a creep as Im sure he's made up some amazing whopper of a story about whats going on. I'm sure his girlfriend has no idea he's married or if she does god only know what kind of story she's been told. He's afraid of what will become public record, and I know he doesn't want depositions as he has no one to give any on his behalf as he has no friends. He's living an alternate reality... .what happens when it comes crashing into reality? Anyone have a crystal ball they'd like to share with me? I want to move forward not feel stuck in time mean while the lawyers are the only ones winning anything!

[knowledgeseeker]

I have to say I'm finally at the point where I can laugh and no longer cry when I get some new crazy communication from my stbxh through his lawyer to mine.

The lies are so over the top, but yet so very simple to disprove and the only thing consistent about him is that he is consistently  inconsistent and contradicts himself from one declaration to the next. I asked my lawyer at one point if his lawyer was believing this crap and she said no, he's just doing a job. Well today, we were notified by his lawyer that another lawyer would be taking over the case... .I expected this since the outcome was not in his favor at the last hearing. My lawyer says he was probably upset with his lawyer. Wouldn't want to look at ones own self as the problem so best to get a new lawyer... .there's that accountability thing he is incapable of being.

Does he truly believe his own lies? I know his a** is jealous of the sh** coming out of his mouth. But does he believe the stories he's built out of pure fiction? Does he think he's being tactical with all this nonsense? Or is he truly just that delusional? I really don't understand his thought process or lack there of. For someone who can function at a high level in his job I'm always shocked at how little common sense he has. I feel like he is his biggest obstacle and he's living in a house of cards that will crumble any moment but is to occupied with trying to make me look bad and keep his faux life and persona from being exposed.

We are preparing for trail. He doesn't want to settle, even though he offered a crappy settlement offer and we responded with reason based on the law, nope offers off the table. I'm done being a doormat and tired of the meritless threats. How far is he willing to take this. He can't afford a trial, he has failed to comply with so many court orders its just a matter of time before we file for contempt, we are already going back with a motion to enforce court orders. He's almost a month over due on discovery and if he doesn't comply with the next due date we file a motion to compel. How far till he finally caves in and settles for an equitable division? Depositions? Subpoenas? Subpoenas would involve his work, he doesn't want them to know he's being a creep as Im sure he's made up some amazing whopper of a story about whats going on. I'm sure his girlfriend has no idea he's married or if she does god only know what kind of story she's been told. He's afraid of what will become public record, and I know he doesn't want depositions as he has no one to give any on his behalf as he has no friends. He's living an alternate reality... .what happens when it comes crashing into reality? Anyone have a crystal ball they'd like to share with me? I want to move forward not feel stuck in time mean while the lawyers are the only ones winning anything!

[whirlpoollife]

My divorce process took three years.  At the two year mark , a divorce could be granted without the other spouses consent.  Thus not needing a trial for a fault divorce.  But... .the finance/asset would continue indefinately till settlement.  I chose not to byfercate and just divorce with settlement.   

I had a book of interogories to answer.  Xh' s had some to answer on his . His answers were , " I don't know" or to ask me for the answer. 

After the two year mark , I asked my L , again, to ask xh what he wants in settlement , nothing back, like a silent treatment. 

Then they offered a settlement , h wanted 200% . Not 100% to get to 50%. So I offered something , very fair, back and it was no.

Finally, a pre trial hearing was set.

At that hearing , nothing was settled because he and his L decided to include spousal support , for him, and child support . I said no, to let the support dept decide that. So no settlement. ( h had filed for modification in support but he also strung that out. A date did get set for that hearing at same time of next settlement trial)

Next was a trial, which if there was no settlement from that,  then a judge would decide.

More settlement offers were made back and forth. I had even given in to support... .offering no child support from him, and no spousal support from me to him. He declined it.

FD had talked about his settlement on the court house steps, and I thought ... .oh no way . But... .

I had kept that in mind as I neared the reality. I spent much time the days before , without my L , on what I would settle. Which meant giving more than what xh is actually entitled to , otherwise it would cost more in L's fees and time ( another six months for an answer) letting a Judge decide who does not know the full story.

So I was prepared with my numbers. Trial day came, my L said , hey they want to settle.  His offer was at the lower end of my numbers , I said yes. 

There's more details,  but you have an idea of what to expect .

We did have a hearing of the support issues, outcome was no spousal support from me, and lowered child support from him to me.  ( different than my offer of no child support from him  )

He appealed it ... .I was forced  to a trial in front of a judge. This cost me big time. not my choice.

Still waiting on an answer.

While you wait it out... .be glad you are in the process of divorce, that he is not living with you and that he has a girlfriend. 

[david]

My ex filed in 2007 for divorce. It took three years from that point to finalize because of her delays.

We went through equitable distribution. She claimed I stole everything out of our house and valued it at 1.2 million dollars ? I had a receipt of ex's storage unit where she put everything, pictures of her new place with the items, and her handwritten (four pages) paper with an itemized list of what I "stole". I agreed with her valuation and just wanted my half in cash. It was nowhere near that amount. It wasn't even six figures. Her atty seen my evidence and took her client outside of the room. In ten minutes we had a settlement in my favor of 70/30. Her atty did not want to go in front of a judge.

I received an email the other day telling me she is taking me to court for child support. The kids are with me more than with her and she makes more money than me ? I am grateful it doesn't make sense to me.