Do I carry boxes or not...?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hey FF,

I've read this a couple of times ... .and I have to tell you the hot tub is much needed to loosen up the ol' busted up body from years of military life. I can & will testify to this as I just had another MRI of my entire spine including my neck to see what if anything can be done with my on going issues from a lifetime in the military. Like you, I have to get my body loosened up with a good long hot shower or whatever the physical project is going to be will be a short one & most likely uncompleted and I'll be physically hard down for the next day or two ... possibly longer. So ... .I feel ya 

I really have to commend you on your EXTREME level of patience wanting to never give up ... .never quit ... .complete the mission at any cost ... .I would expect nothing less after I lifetime of military training and more importantly who you are at your core. You have nearly 7800 post here ... .quite possibly more than your cats & arrest combined ... .you've been here awhile ... .you've learned a lot ... .and still you continue down your current path. I truly commend you on your devotion to your situation as it has been and currently is.

But I have to be honest with you ... .when I've felt those moments to reach out to my exBPDgf and thinking that I can be in a relationship with someone who has a cluster B mental illness and things will be ok ... .I read a post like this one from you or others ... .and I actually get mentally drained from my memories of dealing with the same things. It's mentally & physically exhausting for me and I really admire you for your commitment to continuing the mission ... .HooYah!

JQ

[JQ]

Hey FF,

I've read this a couple of times ... .and I have to tell you the hot tub is much needed to loosen up the ol' busted up body from years of military life. I can & will testify to this as I just had another MRI of my entire spine including my neck to see what if anything can be done with my on going issues from a lifetime in the military. Like you, I have to get my body loosened up with a good long hot shower or whatever the physical project is going to be will be a short one & most likely uncompleted and I'll be physically hard down for the next day or two ... possibly longer. So ... .I feel ya 

I really have to commend you on your EXTREME level of patience wanting to never give up ... .never quit ... .complete the mission at any cost ... .I would expect nothing less after I lifetime of military training and more importantly who you are at your core. You have nearly 7800 post here ... .quite possibly more than your cats & arrest combined ... .you've been here awhile ... .you've learned a lot ... .and still you continue down your current path. I truly commend you on your devotion to your situation as it has been and currently is.

But I have to be honest with you ... .when I've felt those moments to reach out to my exBPDgf and thinking that I can be in a relationship with someone who has a cluster B mental illness and things will be ok ... .I read a post like this one from you or others ... .and I actually get mentally drained from my memories of dealing with the same things. It's mentally & physically exhausting for me and I really admire you for your commitment to continuing the mission ... .HooYah!

JQ

[Verbena]

I also admire your extreme patience, wilingness to forgive your wife, and make the most of her "normal" moments.  

It's the damage that has already been done to the children and the enormous potential for on-going damage to them that completely changes your situation IMO.  Without real change on your wife's part--and recognition of the damage she is causing to her children--I don't see her getting off this path she is on now.  

FF, you mentioned the other day how nice it was to have your wife out of the house so you could spend time with your children without her around.  In the event that you are not able to continue in your marriage, do you see being able to un-do some of the emotional damage caused to your children?  How do you envision co-parenting your children if you are no longer married?  

[Daniell85]

regarding the comment about the ex and enmeshment... whenever my ex husband and I had an argument, he would go find our son and stand in front of me holding him, to continue the argument. I was the one showing upset, and my son would yell at me, and then gently pat his dad's cheek and say "what happened dad?".

My son was about 3 years old at the time.

Ugh.

The enmeshment continued until this day, from my ex giving my son alcohol to drink with him when my son was 15, to my son paying my ex's utility bills. With money I gave my son for school.

According to the 2 of them at this point, I am a psychopath, who is demonically possessed.

Pretty gut wrenching. He's an only child.