BPDw with young kids

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Would a BPD woman with young children be more likely to make her next relationship work for the sake of the kids? My ex was 100 percent dedicated to her young children, and really wanted a husband and a father. Yet she still ruined things. Wouldn't you think the next time around they would work very hard to not mess it up? Or maybe if they always do, then that's where the pregnancy entrapment comes.  Are they even capable of making decisions for the best interests of their children?

[Frank88]

Would a BPD woman with young children be more likely to make her next relationship work for the sake of the kids? My ex was 100 percent dedicated to her young children, and really wanted a husband and a father. Yet she still ruined things. Wouldn't you think the next time around they would work very hard to not mess it up? Or maybe if they always do, then that's where the pregnancy entrapment comes.  Are they even capable of making decisions for the best interests of their children?

[hurting300]

Would a BPD woman with young children be more likely to make her next relationship work for the sake of the kids? My ex was 100 percent dedicated to her young children, and really wanted a husband and a father. Yet she still ruined things. Wouldn't you think the next time around they would work very hard to not mess it up? Or maybe if they always do, then that's where the pregnancy entrapment comes.  Are they even capable of making decisions for the best interests of their children?

I don't think so because they are mentally kids themselves. I never heard my ex tell our baby "I love you" so no I don't.

[Lonely_Astro]

BPD doesn't just go away.  She may move on to a new r/s (that's pretty much a certainty) but she's still BPD.

With that said, without serious dedication to DBT she's not going to suddenly be able to make any r/s work. And DBT's effectiveness is a thing of debate.  It took me awhile to grasp the idea that her success/failure with my replacement isn't related to how good I was (or wasn't) for her.  The whole r/s wasn't about me.  I'll give you an example.  J and I discussed kids.  I have them, she doesn't.  She was all about being a mom. She almost idealized it at one point. She had claimed she got pregnant during her marriage but miscarried.  I have no idea if it's true or not.  I often wondered if she hadn't miscarried, would she have been different?  I don't think so... .I think she would've been worse. But, just as quickly as she wanted to be a mom, she didn't.  It was always in flux.

Anyway, I'm not saying all BPDs are bad parents but I don't see them "making a r/s work for the sake of the kids" because ultimately nothing is about the kids or anyone else... .it's about them. Them alone.

[tryingsome]

frank88 you are thinking too much like a normal person.

20 kids, 8 marriages, it doesn't matter.

unless they have a reason to change they won't.

the reason will never be you

it will never be the kids

the reason will be themselves, a real glimpse on who they are.

then maybe change might happen.