Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 04, 2025, 04:19:04 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
84
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: BPDw with young kids  (Read 491 times)
Frank88
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 62


« on: February 28, 2016, 08:07:45 PM »

Would a BPD woman with young children be more likely to make her next relationship work for the sake of the kids? My ex was 100 percent dedicated to her young children, and really wanted a husband and a father. Yet she still ruined things. Wouldn't you think the next time around they would work very hard to not mess it up? Or maybe if they always do, then that's where the pregnancy entrapment comes.  Are they even capable of making decisions for the best interests of their children?
Logged
hurting300
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1292



« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2016, 08:33:09 PM »

Would a BPD woman with young children be more likely to make her next relationship work for the sake of the kids? My ex was 100 percent dedicated to her young children, and really wanted a husband and a father. Yet she still ruined things. Wouldn't you think the next time around they would work very hard to not mess it up? Or maybe if they always do, then that's where the pregnancy entrapment comes.  Are they even capable of making decisions for the best interests of their children?

I don't think so because they are mentally kids themselves. I never heard my ex tell our baby "I love you" so no I don't.
Logged

In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
Lonely_Astro
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 703



« Reply #2 on: February 29, 2016, 08:15:07 AM »

BPD doesn't just go away.  She may move on to a new r/s (that's pretty much a certainty) but she's still BPD.

With that said, without serious dedication to DBT she's not going to suddenly be able to make any r/s work. And DBT's effectiveness is a thing of debate.  It took me awhile to grasp the idea that her success/failure with my replacement isn't related to how good I was (or wasn't) for her.  The whole r/s wasn't about me.  I'll give you an example.  J and I discussed kids.  I have them, she doesn't.  She was all about being a mom. She almost idealized it at one point. She had claimed she got pregnant during her marriage but miscarried.  I have no idea if it's true or not.  I often wondered if she hadn't miscarried, would she have been different?  I don't think so... .I think she would've been worse. But, just as quickly as she wanted to be a mom, she didn't.  It was always in flux.

Anyway, I'm not saying all BPDs are bad parents but I don't see them "making a r/s work for the sake of the kids" because ultimately nothing is about the kids or anyone else... .it's about them. Them alone.

Logged
tryingsome
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 240


« Reply #3 on: February 29, 2016, 09:44:17 PM »

frank88 you are thinking too much like a normal person.

20 kids, 8 marriages, it doesn't matter.

unless they have a reason to change they won't.

the reason will never be you

it will never be the kids

the reason will be themselves, a real glimpse on who they are.

then maybe change might happen.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!