Advice on this PLEASE

[confusedandangry]

I have taken everyone's advice on trying to move forward... we are 2 weeks break up with my exBPD walking out without warning... .I packed her items up, had a friend of her's come get them... .she blocked me and my family from fb, prior to doing it posted pics with her new gf, 30 mins after getting word.her items were with her friend... and has now contacted me asking if I have an item of hers last night... .I have not replied... .I do not know if I should reply... .I have kept the NC in place and was planning on doing so, until last night.  If I respond I'm afraid that gives her what she wants... .and once again, I have put my needs on the back burner.  Anyone with advice?  I am taking it seriously... .I just want to make sure I am not falling into her trap... .she controlled the entire break up and I want control back over me... .

[C.Stein]

NC is not a hard and fast rule.  My advice would be to do what is necessary to keep your ex from having reasons to contact you. A short informative and unemotional reply should take care of business and allow you to maintain control.   

[confusedandangry]

Thank you... .

[HarleypsychRN]

Keep it business-like and try not to have any further contact. I had to take care of some business with mine as well and her behavior during that "here's the rest of your stuff" cemented that fact that she was very strong BPD.

[khibomsis]

 I personally would have nothing to do with somebody who blocked me from Fb, it is rude and disrespectful. My ex blocked me from skype and that made me decide to never speak to her again. Some people can break up and still be friends. NBPD? It is always about them and they don't know what respect is. 

Be careful that she is not trying to recycle you. Maybe things are not going well with replacement? Remember the pain you have gone through the last two weeks and do not get sucked back in. If you have anything of hers left in your house pack it up, take to her friend and tell friend  to let her know. If not, it is her responsibility to keep track of her stuff. I don't see the point in responding until she learns to have some consideration for your feelings.

Has this set you back in your recovery?

[steelwork]

 If I respond I'm afraid that gives her what she wants... .and once again, I have put my needs on the back burner.  Anyone with advice?  I am taking it seriously... .I just want to make sure I am not falling into her trap... .she controlled the entire break up and I want control back over me... .

I really think following the advice others have given you puts you in solid control of the breakup. You will be reacting like a sane person who can maintain boundaries. Not easy, when you're afraid you'll get sucked back in--but that's what makes the civil, disengaged, businesslike response (followed by continued non-engagement) such a powerful position to be in.

[confusedandangry]

I have been a crying wreck all day.  I responded with Yes, I packed your key... .she has yet to respond.  She has been extremely rude and abrasive during this whole breakup.  She has blamed me for every situation that went wrong in the relationship, she never saw how her actions affected me at all.  I am angry that once again, she contacts ... .my heart is breaking all over and I am an emotional wreck.  She has left me feeling as if I have suffered trauma... .I have PTSD and I feel like I am suffering a relapse in all my therapy from this freaking split.  I know without a doubt, I could never go back to her... .she has been with someone else and to me that was a done deal... .I have always remained on a friendly level with all my exes... .even the ones that cheated... .

[steelwork]

I'm so sorry. You need to be your own #1 priority. You did the adult thing, now take care of yourself.

I have always remained on a friendly level with all my exes... .even the ones that cheated... .

Yes, me too. My ex, on the other hand, seems to have burned a lot of bridges. A LOT. What does that tell us?

[C.Stein]

She has blamed me for every situation that went wrong in the relationship, she never saw how her actions affected me at all.  I am angry that once again, she contacts ... .my heart is breaking all over and I am an emotional wreck.  She has left me feeling as if I have suffered trauma... .I have PTSD and I feel like I am suffering a relapse in all my therapy from this freaking split.  I know without a doubt, I could never go back to her... .she has been with someone else and to me that was a done deal... .I have always remained on a friendly level with all my exes... .even the ones that cheated... .

I am relatively certain my ex has also blamed me for everything.  She also didn't see how her behavior or actions impacted me, changed me.  Instead she chose to accuse me of misleading her into believing I was someone I am not (projection) and that she wasn't "in love" with the person I had become (admission of affair).  The person I had become was distant, withdrawn and depressed as a result of her betraying my trust and the repeated violations of my boundaries that ate away at my emotional well being.   By never doing anything to fix damage she had caused or even acknowledge how profoundly she had hurt and damaged me and the relationship she ensured I stayed in is this emotional state.  It was easier for her to pretend nothing had happened and to isolate me which made me withdraw even more.  Then she replaced me and looking back I see she had been devaluing me for months, which again, was the easier thing for her to do rather than face herself and the consequences of her actions.  She simply could not accept responsibility for her actions because it meant facing herself and her own guilt and shame.

Of course the replacement was clean slate who mirrored all the good things she wants to believe about herself, who validated and enabled her.   I on the other hand had come to represent her true self and when she looks at me now all she sees is everything she despises about herself and her true nature.  Once the replacement was relatively secure she threw me away like a piece of trash.  It was literally like we had never had a relationship and being replaced and thrown away like this has undoubtedly been one of, if not the most difficult things to accept.

Love is not something she can or ever will understand or experience.  Love for her is someone to make her feel good about herself, to "make her happy", to fulfil needs that she should be fulfilling for herself, to take responsibility for all her mistakes in the relationship and her life (somewhat) and most importantly keep coming back for more with a smile regardless of the wrong, hurtful and abusive things she does.

I believe I was also suffering from PTSD, severe depression, anxiety, stress, etc... .and it all came crashing down on me about 6 weeks after being thrown away for the final time via text.  At that point I hit a depth of despair, depression and pain that I had not thought possible and I am no stranger to getting my heart broken.  It brought me to my knees in pretty much every aspect in my life.

It has been a long and hard journey for me this past 7 months since getting thrown away but it has gotten better and it will for you to.  It will be hard, you will cry (a lot) and that is OK.  For a while it will seem like you are walking in a mud so thick it seems you are hardly moving forward at all and even sometimes slipping back.  This is to be expected and is part of the healing process.  Believe in yourself and your ability and strength to walk out of the mud and back onto solid land.  You will get there eventually and so will I.   

[confusedandangry]

I am so ready to get this over... .there should not be any reason to contact me anymore... she has everything she brought into my home.  I just can not understand how someone can walk off from everything and be happy with her life.  She is flaunting pictures of the replacement like it is a new shiney object for everyone to bring once again attention to her.  I should have known the warning signs when a woman can walk off and leave her children with their father at a young age, have a great job and living with her mother... .everything had to be about her... .when anything even had to be about me, she would get sick or have an ache or slip into her bipolar funk... .this would once again make me focus on her... .my sister came down for a week and J stayed in a bipolar funk for the entire time until they left and she was cured... .she was lazy, never cleaned the house with me, never cooked, only focused on her other  shiney object, her phone and fb... .I keep posting on here hoping to turn angry... .when I get angry it gets easier to let go... .I know I need to focus on me... .I have tried to stay so busy this weekend, but yesterday all it took was one text to send me spiraling into a funk... .I cry uncontrollably and out of the blue... .I barely eat... .rarely sleep... .I try to stay hopeful, but once again... .I feel like a drug addict... .I took advice from here and sat in the sun... .had dinner with friends... .all I was was miserable... .no one understands the amount of hell this one person has done to me... .I even wonder if her family knows what she is doing... .her mother is just like her and her sisters are the total opposite... .the only relief I get is from sharing on here... .

[steelwork]

It's still early days! Don't give up. Get through a few weeks however you can. Don't isolate yourself. Even if you're miserable, sit in the sun and be with people who love you and do your best to stay HYDRATED! And post here. We get it.

[confusedandangry]

You guys are the ONLY ones that get it... .I am so grateful I found this site... .