My adult son and I have BPD traits

[Ocean view]

Hi, I'm new to BPD! I have and my adult son has the BPD traits, yet we have different diagnostic from different professional! We jump a lot from dr to psychology, we hate the effects of bad meds' not sure who if is worst and we both argue! My son currently is   SSI for mental health but no specific name to the disorder as he does not give me permission to see his doctor which has been over a year now that he does not go! He is so frustrated yet does not move a finger to do anything ! I am tired of hearing the same broken record! I was forced into retirement due that he Would call my office 15-20 a day! And I was loosing my temper for anything then I would go into a flat mode paralysed state that I could not talk! People were starting to notice and I went in to secluded mode! I'm exhausted at least I was able to secure 38 years of hard work ! But now 3 years into retirement I am strongly resenting my son! Does this make me a bad person? I don't understand him he is dr Jkel and Hyde! I can be so but at least I try to have fun and laugh! He stays in does nothing but biker ! I'm fed up!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Ocean View,

I'm so glad you are here telling us about your relationship with your son and how it has been affecting you and your life.

How old is your son? It sounds like he lives with you and that constant contact can be so draining!

It can get better Ocean View. With some different forms of communicating, some solid value based boundaries and new ways to take care of yourself/your needs the atmosphere at home and the relationship dynamic can change for the better.  We have all been there and will support you as you learn these things and begin putting them into practice.

Do you still go to an individual therapist for support?  It can really help us to do this! 

lbj

[Ocean view]

Thank you for taking time to read my scream! Ibj, he is 35 with two toxic relationship and a few lost of FBF (3)! I started to be in a pity mode and of course his father married a women with 3 kids which he raised (kids not his) and forgot about him, so I know that adds up the emotion anger factor! His dad responses when he is in a danger mode other then that all of his extended family look to him as the black sheep! I have no support system, my parents minimize my despair and my sister is at a progressive mode way above my means! Poison my family as to its my fault for raising a brat ! He started with adhd I placed him in special Ed did not work. I do have to gib him credit because he made into 2 years of college then drop out with A grades with special accommodation ! So know I feel stuck and no mercy since he has also bashed my potential relationship with a significant other, plus I have lost my freinds because they say I have to put him out of the house ! I tried once and it was heartbreaking ! He has no time space notion plus no regard to household responsibility plus I'm influence by him and have lost my touch of assertiveness in life! I'm so insecure! I'm loosing it! He his a human magnet with me and I do reject him! So lost!

[lbjnltx]

I can see why you would be overwhelmed with all of this and no support system.

Good news... .you found a support system and a place to learn how to get back your mojo!

We learn about the disorder and how it is manifesting in our kids lives, we learn how to set boundaries for self preservation, we learn how to more affectively communicate with our kids, and we learn how to take care of ourselves.  All of these things we learn together, each at their own pace and in the order that works best for them.

If you're up for it, so are we and happy to be of help to you.



lbj