Bitter

[Slwinner]

I am a positive person. I always look for the silver lining and know others have it much harder than we do.

Lately things have been extremely difficult. I am barely keeping a roof over my head and taking care of my 14 year old son.

My BPDd is in RTC for the second time and has made little progress. I've used all of my savings to get her help and it's not helped.

My mom is going to visit my sister in Texas for Easter. My sister who has three perfect kids and lives in a mansion. Truth. And never, ever calls me to see how things are.

So I guess I am alone in this. Dealing with my daughter's BPD. If she had cancer we'd have help.

Tomorrow is another day, lord have mercy on my soul. One of us is not going to make it.

No help or understanding from family.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[8daysAweek]

Hey Slwinner,

It sounds like you have been through so much. The power of positive thinking can get you very far in life. I can see how much love you have for your daughter and that is a very beautiful thing It must be hard juggle all of those things at once. Hang on and keep being the best mom you can be.

[Lollypop]

Hi SL

your post really resonates as my sister is very wealthy and lives a distance away and we have no parents now to connect us.  Our lives are very different and hers does appear on the outside to be glorious. Scratch the surface and there's quite serious problems but somehow money can temporarily fix as a distraction.  I'm not jealous of her money but my nieces support to her is enviable. They don't understand at all the challenges we face, nor how much their input would be so welcomed. At the end of the day it's their choice but I have said to my sister recently "you know you've got your girls and I sometimes find myself quite lost with my house of men". All the family have distanced themselves, partly because they don't understand BPD but more to the point they know they can't fix it. I spent many years whinging as our lives got worse and I wasn't much fun to be around, they just didn't know what to say. I've no doubt though that if I'd picked up that phone and asked any of them directly for help they would have given it. Have you thought of doing this?

What I really want to say is that we all have those periods where all hope is lost, the challenges are just too great and it's very difficult to cope, particularly through any tears. Im still learning about BPD, my BPDs25 diagnosed sept 15 but one of the biggest lessons I've learnt through our trials is that crisis brings about change. Our change hasn't been what I planned for or even expected. It really sounds as if you're on that edge so please, if you can, try and stay strong and prioritise yourself and son. Your welfare comes first and not at the expense of your daughter.  Just because you can't see your silver lining, it doesn't mean it's not there.  We too reached a point where all our savings went so I know how you're feeling. We found a way to move forward by bringing our BPDs25 home but I realise that this may not be an option for you. It was a financial decision, there was no choice, we didn't want it and clearly told him we didn't know what was going to happen. Somehow we feel our way forward and things have improved, unbelievably. 

How old is your daughter? What do they say at the RTC?

If you really can't reach out to your family for support then you've got your friends on here. Friends who do understand and worth their weight in gold.  Big hugs to you

L

[lbjnltx]

Hi Slwinner,

Are you afraid that your daughter will come out of RTC the same as she went in?

Can you remind us how old your d is?

My d came out of RTC the same person as she went in.  The difference is that she had self awareness, consideration of how her behaviors impacted others, and the tools and skills she needed to be the best version of self that she could be.

As her support system we were there to remind her of those skills when she needed to be reminded.  We did this by first modeling those same skills (we benefited from using them regardless of her responses) and giving her the space she needed to call skills up and into use.

You have put your emotional and financial reserve into your daughter and her care.  Since the RTC is the recipient of the financial part... .can you work closely with them to prepare yourself, your daughter and your relationship for her release?  If the program has created distance rather than closeness what needs to change? 

How long has she been in RTC?  Is it the same one she went to before?  Do they think she is not ready to come home and you can't afford for her stay?

Being distant throughout your journey with your family leaves them in the dark.  Do they know of your financial needs to help your d? 

Having no emotional or financial support is really hard when we are doing all we can to provide opportunities of healing for our precious children.

lbj