Boundaries When in Public/Blowback

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Good Morning: I had a brief but what felt very charged first interaction with my former SO exBPDbf in public.

He had been in email contact twice in the last few months. Once a friend responded, reminding him of the NC guidelines and then he emailed me again and I wrote a snail mail note asking him to please not contact me.

It was painful seeing him and luckily I was with a good friend--it was the first time in a year and a half. It really had the quality of a dream. I don't want to repeat this--him stopping--asking how I was etc.

I've had a rough few days, some rumination, sadness, anger, missing him. It seems to be passing... .slowly.

What I would like is to be able to be out and about and know that if we see each other no one would stop, and there could be the brief polite acknowledgement that might be had with someone who was known a while ago.

I know that I could certainly do this and I'm wondering if there is any appropriate way to request/suggest this to him. My instinct says I have to leave it alone, but I'm wondering about others thoughts and experiences.

[MandyS]

Good Morning: I had a brief but what felt very charged first interaction with my former SO exBPDbf in public.

He had been in email contact twice in the last few months. Once a friend responded, reminding him of the NC guidelines and then he emailed me again and I wrote a snail mail note asking him to please not contact me.

It was painful seeing him and luckily I was with a good friend--it was the first time in a year and a half. It really had the quality of a dream. I don't want to repeat this--him stopping--asking how I was etc.

I've had a rough few days, some rumination, sadness, anger, missing him. It seems to be passing... .slowly.

What I would like is to be able to be out and about and know that if we see each other no one would stop, and there could be the brief polite acknowledgement that might be had with someone who was known a while ago.

I know that I could certainly do this and I'm wondering if there is any appropriate way to request/suggest this to him. My instinct says I have to leave it alone, but I'm wondering about others thoughts and experiences.

[C.Stein]

After all this time why do you think you still feel so attached to him?  What is keeping you connected to him emotionally?

[Mutt]

Hi  MandyS,



I'm sorry to hear that. I can see how being brushed off in public is hurtful. Five years is a long history with your ex. My relationship with my ex was a little longer than yours and it felt like a switch went off and she became an entirely different person. I would try to talk to her and she would avoid me. It was hard for her to see me because I triggered negative feelings of shame, all of her relationships failed and it was another failure for her, it was just easier for her to push me away. I know it's hard