Latest texts...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So after endless hours of begging, negotiating and going from respecting my boundaries before calling me manipulative for setting them I've tried the non emotional response... .I was honest with him that this was the approach I was taking and that It wasn't easy. I have spent yesterday identifying the genuine "are you ok text?" To the "emotional fishing" texts... .

As I have mentioned I have been clear about this approach so he didn't get shocked. I was then asked hours later if I hate him or I've met someone else. I said no to both and that I was trying to detach my emotions cause it was hurting us both... .

I get the latest text:

"I wish I never met you, I really do because I've been fooled into believing you were someone you love me, and now there's nothing. I hate you. I hate you you've become. You will never hear from me again."

This hurts a lot... .

[harleyquinn]

So after endless hours of begging, negotiating and going from respecting my boundaries before calling me manipulative for setting them I've tried the non emotional response... .I was honest with him that this was the approach I was taking and that It wasn't easy. I have spent yesterday identifying the genuine "are you ok text?" To the "emotional fishing" texts... .

As I have mentioned I have been clear about this approach so he didn't get shocked. I was then asked hours later if I hate him or I've met someone else. I said no to both and that I was trying to detach my emotions cause it was hurting us both... .

I get the latest text:

"I wish I never met you, I really do because I've been fooled into believing you were someone you love me, and now there's nothing. I hate you. I hate you you've become. You will never hear from me again."

This hurts a lot... .

[rfriesen]

harleyquinn, I'm sorry that you've received such a hateful text. I got some from my ex that were very similar. When I was trying to leave things on a kind note with her, she would often say things like, "I love you so much, except I guess I loved the person I thought you were. So I don't know who I loved, really. I hate what you've done to me, and I just want to forget everything about you."

The break up and aftermath with my ex hurt me a lot. Much worse than any other relationship had ever hurt me. I've worked really hard -- lots of meditation, reflection, long walks, exercise, healthy habits -- to gain a sense of perspective. I can see that my ex is in a lot of pain and lashes out in really hurtful ways. Doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt me, but it has helped a bit to focus on the fact that she's in pain and lashing out and to remind myself that I do not want to be sucked in again. It's allowed me to express to her my own feelings of hurt, as well as compassion, while maintaining distance from her. It's not easy and it doesn't make the pain go away, but it can help to recognize that when someone lashes out like that, it's typically because they're in a lot of pain and just don't know how to reach out kindly and try to work things out constructively.

[LingeringNoMore]

I find it really hard not to listen to the messages.  It seems to help me move on to NOT do so.

[harleyquinn]

Thank you and I'm sorry you guys are going through a tough time too.  It was just a tough day yesterday.  It was my best friends baby shower and as happy as I am naturally it's tough seeing good friends have milestones and I got to get through this.

It's learning to detach I guess. Of course he's going to hate the new me. The old me was caught up in the drama and my reactions gave him motivation to keep going. It hurts but I have to train my brain into new ways of thinking.

I just hope our ex other halves can get help for this... .