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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: They Don't Belive I Am A Victim  (Read 837 times)
Aussie0zborn
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« on: November 22, 2015, 09:13:43 PM »

I need some advice here. Why don't people believe that men can be the victim of domestic violence and physicial abuse?

I was in court last week defending the application of another restraining order. She claimed I stalked her(while I was overseas), followed her (while I was visiting a client on the other side of town) and chased her at high speed (while I was on another overseas trip). The police arrest me and release me without charge because none of her claims were true.

So I took my passport to court to show them I was overseas but the judge wouldn't look at it.  It didn't matter that she had lied. It appeared she lied because of her "great fear of me" and that's apparently OK. I told how she punched me in the face more than ten times, how she would rage without warning, and all thw usual BPD abuse. The judge was critical of me for "trying to play the victim".

How do you tell your story in as few words as possible (without saying "BPD" that makes sense and allows biased people who don't believe women can be physically violent predators to take notice and open their minds to this concept?
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« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2015, 09:27:29 PM »

How do you tell your story in as few words as possible (without saying "BPD" that makes sense and allows biased people who don't believe women can be physically violent predators to take notice and open their minds to this concept?

I haven't experienced what you went through, although there was legal abuse in my case (ex was a former trial attorney who liked to go to court). Documentation did work in my case, tho it took a lot of it. The thing that actually made things start swinging my way was expert testimony from a third-party neutral professional. Once my ex started to treat the judge the way he treated me, the whole boat changed course.

Every single judge has biases, so do lawyers. They are more likely to believe evidence than to believe us. They are way more likely to believe trusted professionals, especially ones that they know and respect.

It's not fair, and it seems like you have to spend a lot of money if you want to change minds.
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Breathe.
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« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2015, 09:30:57 PM »

I had a judge say out loud in court that it was his opinion that mom's are better raising children than dad's are. I used to believe Neanderthals were extinct.

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Aussie0zborn
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« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2015, 09:09:20 AM »

Thanks for your replies. I'm still trying to get my head around this.

I've read many times, in this here forum, how a man calls the police to report an assault by his wife and when the police arrive and look at their physical difference, they can't get their head around it and automatically arrest the man.

This bias has got to stop but it won't stop until... .

1. More men report physical abuse. This "keeping silent" business has got to stop. I certainly won't be keeping silent of it happens to me again.

2. Men who abuse women need to stop abusing, as they give us all a bad name.

... .and I can't see this happening in my lifetime.
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« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2015, 09:16:40 AM »

There was a program in the UK last week called the rise of female violence.

In it a pair of actors did a public scene in which the man started yelling at the woman and then slapped her. People leapt to her defence and the actor nearly got beat up.

They then did the same scene with the roles reversed and no one even acknowledged it. When the people around where asked why they didn't intervene they gave a variety of answers from it didn't seem bad or he can handle himself.

I wonder what would happen if they did it again and the man retaliated to being hit by hitting back. I can guarantee people would rush to her defence.

Are you able to lodge a complaint about the judges decision? Its only when people do this that laws get changed.
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ForeverDad
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« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2015, 09:56:38 AM »

Although you can't stop a judge from ruling however he or she feels, the remedy in court usually is an objection, request for reconsideration or appeal, or some other named process to have the decision reviewed.

Since the judge evidently thinks you can't be a victim, can you try another tactic?  Perhaps state that these claims were not only unsubstantiated but also demonstrably false, so try to get the judge to acknowledge that she is misusing a crucial protective system to punish you.  Perhaps she is also trying to build a case history to block/obstruct you if you're also a father trying to parent.

Can the judge refuse to allow you to enter evidence in your defense?  If you don't get it entered into the record then that could sabotage you making an appeal.  In my country an appeal is limited to the evidence and testimony on record.
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« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2015, 11:37:54 AM »

Could you try filing a motion against her for filing a false claim on the times you were out of the country?

Then a judge would have to read it, listen to it, then that judgement could possibly be used against her if she tried it later.
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david
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« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2015, 12:25:17 PM »

I believe appeals can only be made with the evidence that was presented in the original case. However, you can go through civil court to seek damages. Having the courts reimburse you for the court costs could stop the allegations. Also, civil court doesn't have as high a bar. A good example was OJ Simpson.
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« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2015, 12:39:54 PM »

I told how she punched me in the face more than ten times, how she would rage without warning, and all thw usual BPD abuse. The judge was critical of me for "trying to play the victim".

I've offered this opinion before, I don't think "she hit me, too" is a defense - if anything it argues in favor of the restraining order. It says that you both are claiming physical violence - there is a prior arrest - since the only motion before the court is her order - the judge took the action she could.

You two need to be apart is likely her reasoning and she doesn't want to be answering for not having taken action if you two actually hurt each other.

These things are political.

Although you can't stop a judge from ruling however he or she feels, the remedy in court usually is an objection, request for reconsideration or appeal, or some other named process to have the decision reviewed.

Since the judge evidently thinks you can't be a victim, can you try another tactic?  Perhaps state that these claims were not only unsubstantiated but also demonstrably false, so try to get the judge to acknowledge that she is misusing a crucial protective system to punish you.  Perhaps she is also trying to build a case history to block/obstruct you if you're also a father trying to parent.

Can the judge refuse to allow you to enter evidence in your defense?  If you don't get it entered into the record then that could sabotage you making an appeal.  In my country an appeal is limited to the evidence and testimony on record.

I'm surprised your attorney didn't seek a mutual order.

Before taking on another battle, what is the implication of a restraining order in Australia?  :)oes it materially harm you?  It sucks, but is it worth fighting?
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« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2015, 01:55:09 PM »

I'm surprised your attorney didn't seek a mutual order.

The big issue is that she can claim whatever she wants and still, as you found out, claim to be in some vague way fearful.  How to address that?  A mutual order would at least put you on equal standing in the order bu I figure that she'd still make additional claims.

Just grasping at straws here, I think the problem is the court only sees one petitioner - Ex against you.  You're not filing against her because you are keeping your distance and know enough not to lie to the court, you wouldn't get the default credibility she gets.  So... .Could you counterfile claiming Harassment?  In legal scenarios, claims of Harassment are taken very seriously.  In my county it shares or shared a form for stalking and sexual misbehaviors (streteched to include peeing against a wall or bush, for all I know perhaps streaking too).  Could that provision be applied that multiple unsubstantiated allegations can be considered Harassment?

I am a man and father, my then-stbEx is a woman and mother.  My lawyer told me, "She's a woman, mother of a preschooler, she's posturing as a target and victim claiming harassment and stalking.  Even if we can disprove her claims the judge could still give weight to her claimed 'fearfulness' and the judge could set an order for up to 5 years.  Ponder that."

This was a case she started in civil court, filed on the same day she responded to my filing for divorce.  I'll never know how the judge would have decided.  Both sides settled.  My lawyer had asked me, ":)o you really want contact with her?"  That was easy to answer.   So we agreed to an order to stay no contact until mid-December with these four stated points: There was no Finding of Guilt.  I did not admit to any of her claims.  Our preschooler was excluded and henceforth subject to family court orders.  The order could not be extended or renewed.

It's been 10 years.  We still have virtually no contact.  My son, now a teenager, says she hates me.  Occasionally when she's in a good mood she'll want to talk a lot.  But usually she's triggered by something and doesn't want to talk.  Curse me out, yes, talk, no.  So I just keep my distance.

As summary, you may not be able to stop her from getting a protection order based on general fearfulness.  However, would her repeated allegations, many that can be proven false, be enough to finally have something to file against her... .Harassment?  If you do, be sure to include your proof with the filing so that a judge can't reasonably refuse to look at documents.
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« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2015, 06:23:58 PM »

This is all too common an issue, it seems, where you say too little too late-

I was the victim of physical abuse in my marriage- I filed a restraining order against my wife when she became a danger to our son, and noted her past violence toward me. She saw this as a personal attack and filed a many page restraining order with all sorts of lies and false claims. It was terrible, terrible, terrible. We got to court and she had made so much noise, but the mediator realized that she was not in fear because when I brought up my mental health concerns she cried and I hugged her- Somehow mental illness is seen as a crime in which the abuser is also a victim and so the physical victim of the BPD individual refers to themselves as a victim the abuser can very easily deflect sympathy back to themselves. Without an accute understanding of these situations by mediators and judges, the victim is made a victim again by the state- not unlike if a battered woman was forced to pay her abuser because she was perceived as ":)eserving it"- or because she was a woman- it is equally irrational but there is no framework for understanding in the court system- it is a situation that is beyond rational and thus, inconceivable. My tack is going to be/has been very up-front regarding what I feel is my wife's issue and the consequences I am looking for reprieve from- it is not good for her, but I feel it is entirely necessary for preservation and assistance.
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« Reply #11 on: November 24, 2015, 04:39:25 AM »

Thanks everybody for some great answers. I didn't say "she hit me too", I simply said "she punched me in the face more than ten times" to indicate that she is actually the perpetrator and the violent one but the judge wasn't having any of it.

I met with my lawyer today and in his view she didn't win - my angry demeanour won it for her. Me describing how she would bare her bottom row of teeth before striking was apparently not a good thing. Why? Because dogs do that before they bite so comparing a woman to a dog in front of a female judge is apparently a no-no even though I was NOT making a comparison to an animal... .I was simply describing what I would see before being punched in the face and how I would know there was a punch coming my way in that moment of rage. This was just TOO MUCH for the judge and I got called a liar.

As for the TV show where the female actor assaults the male actor in public, I've seen this type of thing too and its considered "funny" that the man gets hit. I can't see that that will ever change. But what we are talking about here is a predator hell bent on destruction. What I take from this is that its up to us if we allow the abuse, and if we accept it, then nobody is going to step in and take you out of harm's way or punish your abuser. Men have to do that themselves!

The problem with a restraining order in the hands of a person like this is that she can continue to make allegations and one day when I can't prove where I was at a particular time, I will go straight to jail. And there was one date where I have no idea where I was and another date where the police telephoned me and I told them they should consider referring her to mental health authorities as the police had done previously with the husband before me. He got stabbed and had his nose broken twice - at least I never got stabbed or had my Roman nose broken.

But, if that cop decided to arrest me and ask "where were you on Tuesday at this particular time?" I would say... ."I don't know. Probably at home". With no witnesses I would go to jail. The  last time I got arrested, I proved I was visiting a new client who I had never met before. I had to give the police his details to verify I was with him at the particular time. I got the business, but do you think I will hear from that client again?

The real problem is the sense of control such an order gives them and we know the high functioning ones can be massive control freaks. In any case, we have three grounds for appeal. The way it works here is... .we present our case for appeal and the order is either dismissed and finished, or we have a re-trial.

I did ask my lawyer to seek an order against her, but he felt it was inappropriate... .you know, being the man and everything. Big mistake because a lot of my statement got struck out as "irrelevant". Yes, the applicant seeking the order is seen as someone having cause to do so.


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« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2015, 07:55:24 AM »

You two have been apart for a while, right?

What precipitated her seeking the orders?
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« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2015, 10:12:16 AM »

I went through this false restraining order thing as well.  Your best chance is to hire an attorney, and then have that attorney present evidence to the judge that you did not violate any laws in your particular State.  In other words, force the judge to make a ruling on what the law says, not what he thinks might be best.  If you can in fact prove you were nowhere near her when these alleged incidents happened, then file a motion to dismiss based on the fact the case does not meet the requirements of the law. 

Another tip - make sure you do your homework on your case.  Do not assume your attorney will know all of the facts and details, because he will not.
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« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2015, 10:43:08 AM »

AussieOz previously wrote he's been NC since separation, now over two years, so it's nothing he's doing.  The divorce was final a year ago.

I too wonder why she is still pursuing this and won't Let Go.  I don't think they share a child so a custody or parenting struggle isn't causing this prolonged series of attacks.  As has been mentioned here before, negative engagement is still engagement, she's feeding off all this.

How does one tell a court, "I have never had relationship problems brought to any court before I left this woman.  No one has a problem with me except for her unsubstantiated claims.  Why hasn't she lost credibility when I've got proof that her allegations are false?  Why can't it be acknowledged as her harassing me?  Please tell me how I can get her to leave me alone, get on with her life and let me get on with my life."

If AussieOz hasn't done this already, he ought to make a search of records and determine whether she has a history of making allegations.  That she has a history of conflict with others besides himself may make a difference?
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« Reply #15 on: November 24, 2015, 11:21:19 AM »

Your best chance is to hire an attorney, and then have that attorney present evidence to the judge that you did not violate any laws in your particular State.  In other words, force the judge to make a ruling on what the law says, not what he thinks might be best.  

Another tip - make sure you do your homework on your case.  :)o not assume your attorney will know all of the facts and details, because he will not.

Great tips.   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

How does one tell a court, "I have never had relationship problems brought to any court before I left this woman.  No one has a problem with me except for her unsubstantiated claims.  Why hasn't she lost credibility when I've got proof that her allegations are false?  Why can't it be acknowledged as her harassing me?  Please tell me how I can get her to leave me alone, get on with her life and let me get on with my life."

"She hit me too" and "she made me bad" is not going to sell in a courtroom, FD. It's drama.

I think the bigger take away from this case, for all of us, is what the attorney said.

  she didn't win - my angry demeanour won it for her.

I'm not suggesting that Aussie0zborn is at all deserving of this verdict, but you can't take your emotions or sense of right and wrong to court and expect a judge to resolve it. 

That's a tall order - but it is the way it is.  Courts usually work to formula, if you can understand the formula, and play to it, it helps a lot.  Squander is making a suggestion regarding formula.

AussieOz previously wrote he's been NC since separation, now over two years, so it's nothing he's doing.  The divorce was final a year ago.

Aussie0zborn, to help us all better understand and learn so that we may help others, can you fill in the details?

What is the timeline on all of this? Why/when did she have you arrested and on what claims? What was going on at the time with the two of you?  And what lead this to the recent hearing... .didn't something more happen, or is this a continuation of the saga that involved the arrest.
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« Reply #16 on: November 25, 2015, 10:31:22 AM »

We have been apart for almost 2 1/2 years and now divorced. Settlement hearing is next year. She seeks 100% in settlement. I seek 50% even though my contributions are between 60-70% just so I appear to the court as a gentleman. You can get an extra 5-10% in settlement if there was abuse. That would put an extra $90,000 in her pocket.

I left the house in the middle of the night after the wife and her boyfriend threatened me with violence.  I called the police and they offered me a restraining order against both of them but I declined as I considered the marriage was now well and truly over and I didn't need to see either of them again. I saw her with this thug a week earlier and she said she didn't know who he was... .he just joined two ladies at a table. I was at home looking after her son before I went to the club at 1.00am to encourage her to come home. She had introduced him to her daughter and friends while we were still married.

I then vowed that "that woman will never see my face, hear my voice or have my attention ever again, except in a court of law in the short term" and that was easy for me to do, maintaining NC without any effort at all. It was easy because her lining up the boyfriend to bash me was my wake-up call and with that, I realised that I was free now, didn't owe her anything and was no longer responsible for her happiness - I was instantly freed from the FOG. Imagine a prison cell door opening and the guards are all on strike that day. Who wouldn't run to freedom?

After I left she went to the police seeking a restraining order but they refused. She made numerous reports about "disturbances" and prowlers at the house. Twelve days later I went to the house to get my things and there was an altercation. The police issued restraining orders  against my daughter and I. We fought them in court but settled on mutual restraining orders.  She is the queen of restraining orders and I wish I could talk to her second husband. She has a history of violence but no criminal record.

Those mutual restraining orders lapsed earlier this year.  She applied for a new one.  The restraining order is decided on "does she have a reasonable fear of this man?" And that's exactly what was looked at. The hearing started with the judge saying, "there is very little chance of this application succeeding" so it started in my favor.

That turned around quickly when she told the court about my going back to the house to get my things. Her drug dealer thug boyfriend came out of the house with a baseball bat. He is Neanderthal like. She arrived home and punched my daughter (not hers) in the face.  A medical examination that day concludes my daughter was assaulted with visible swelling to the cheekbone and red marks around her neck.

My ex-wife then assaulted the first cop to approach and he crash tackled her to the ground. A second cop jumped on top of her and together they restrained her. She convinced them she was panicked because of the "home invasion".  She was so scared apparently that she had wet herself. The outcome was as I mentioned restraining orders against my daughter and I, and the police not charging her for their assault because she was the "victim" of what she called a "home invasion" and she was scared. Tears really work.

Last week in court she again claimed my daughter assaulted her and introduced a new story... .three of my friends apparently held her down on the ground while a fourth man viciously punched her. The female judge appeared horrified and asked if I was one of these men and she said, "no, he stood their laughing". She said she suffered the indignity of wetting her pants from fright. We all filed statements with the police a few hours later that day. She did not mention this in her police statement. Her boyfriend did not mention this in his statement too because it never happened. He did however state, "there were eight of them and I could have taken them all out but I didn't want to go to prison". (He means "back to prison". Would such a tough guy stand there and just watch?

The story got worse. The judge cringed. The tears were flowing, her voice was quivering and she could not compose herself having to recount this horrific experience that no human being should ever endure. Her words were coming out one by one and she was struggling to get them out.

While the first interim restraining order against me was in place I was arrested at 11pm the night before the court hearing. A witness apparently saw me driving past the house. I had a lawyer friend as an alibi, together with my digital footprint which shows I was at home at that hour. The police released me at 1.00am and I didn't sleep a wink before court the next day.

In applying for a new restraining order now she made up some stories that I had breached the previous restraining order and so an interim order was issued pending a full hearing. Once she had this interim order in hand, she waited two weeks and reported to police that I followed her home from work and "our eyes met". In her video statement, the cop asked what she was afraid of and she said, "that he will kill us" with tears flowing, unable to compose herself or get the words out. If I didn't  know her, I would have believed that performance, too.  Hey... .I believed her performance for seven years.

The police arrested me and released me without charge. I was on the other side of town visiting a client and never followed her home from work. I also had a strong digital footprint. The police failed to charge her with making a false statement.

Last week's court hearing was based on how reasonable her fears are.  With so many new stories and her daughter appearing at the last minute to tell the court she actually saw me giving her mother a black eye sealed the deal.  I have never seen my ex-wife with a black eye although she had told me her sister gave her one a year before I met.

As Skip said, the court has a formula and you need to fit into it.  We were unprepared relying just on our evidence and my barrister did not know our history to call her out on her new lies and the distorted facts of the previous incidents.

So from this you can take... .

You lawyer needs a full case history and to take the entire file to the hearing for reference if needed.

A pre hearing meeting with your lawyer is mandatory.

A run through with your lawyer.

Understanding the court process.

A sip of Johnnie Walker beforehand would be good.

Read BPD family as a refresher.

Don't underestimate your opposition or gender bias.

I read a suggestion here on BPD Family that in court one should say, " I heard the other party give testimony and she/he said blah, blah... .but it's simply not true".

While I was in the witness box, my barrister finished with, "is there anything you would like to add?"  I looked at her and was about to say, "like what"?  I was in poor form. She then asked another question and the judge cut us short. This is where I should have followed the suggestion above and point out that in two police statements she failed to mention this previously unheard of vicious attack. That alone could have won it for me, given that the judge had bought her story and was shocked, horrified and appalled.

Bottom line : I didn't defend myself when given the opportunity. I didn't know where to fit it in.
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« Reply #17 on: November 25, 2015, 11:20:18 AM »

So it's not custody, it's not negative engagement, it's about squeezing more money or percentage from marital funds in a pending case.

Did you at least deny their new expanded stories?  You could still try filing for a reconsideration, objection or appeal, whichever fits, and you could present the proofs that neither she nor her enabler BF nor the police ever mentioned you having "eight" friends with you at that incident.  Submit all the reports, statements and documents from that incident to prove no such new allegations were even hinted at.  Yes, it might be disallowed if "new" information is included, but perhaps the judge will see that those were victim-posturing tears and/or that their latest stories are vastly different from the initial ones.  If not accepted or unsuccessful, at least filing those documents ought to get it "on the record" for use or reference later?  Or so I would think.

If you choose to do that, know that there is limited time to files such papers.
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« Reply #18 on: November 29, 2015, 01:42:47 AM »

Aussieozborn if you are from Australia you will realise there is alot of publicity both politically and in the news at the moment about domestic violence due to the increase in deaths of female victims.  Unfortunately the fact that women are also perpetrators seems never to be mentioned. 

I find it sad and frustrating.  Men/society needs to speak out.

I know how you feel when ever I have mentioned it to friends colleagues et the old stereotypes seem to win out. Do you need to document and photograph the evidence?  Get gp documentation?
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« Reply #19 on: November 29, 2015, 06:06:12 AM »

Yes, the Australian government has committed $50million towards domestic violence for the reasons that MIL stated.  The government department, "the Office of Women" or some such is driving it. There is no "Office of Men" but the emphasis in this drive is strictly on protecting women, not protecting victims of domestic violence as a whole.
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« Reply #20 on: December 05, 2015, 01:59:50 PM »

  

Best bet is to show the behavioral pattern. 

I'm in the same boat.  Same bollocks, I dont even bother sayign my ex hit me, they ask, I say yeap, she is emotionally volotile and prone to violent outbursts, I'm happy not having her in my life at present. 

They ask for an example, I tell them I choose to concentrate on the future and building a good or workable co-parenting relationship so it doesnt affect our son negativly. 

If they ask for a factual event or something, make sure even if not the most violent outburst for example, you list on where their is a witness that you can say, John Snow was their on that day and witnessed this occur. 

Best bet though is record all your own interactions and dont be afraid to actually go back at her and say no, this what your doing now is a form of family vioence, I want an extra 10 % form the settlement.  We will let a judge or majistrate decide, accept 50 50 or let a majistrate decide.  Be prepaired to walk away at this point and make damn sure your able to back up your claims.  Show behavioural patterns etc etc and also go so far even though it may not be appreciated to highlight how the legal system ha sbeen used to continue a form of negatieve engagement etc etc. 

Have to dicuss it with your solicitor or lawyer but end of the day, ignore their remarks and concentrate on evidence.  Behaviours. 

AJJ. 
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Aussie0zborn
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 803



« Reply #21 on: May 06, 2016, 11:01:48 AM »

 I launched an appeal against this restraining order...

I won.

The appeal judge was meticulous, thorough and systematic and found my ex-wife and her daughter lied to the court. Even worse, he found that the court made many many legal mistakes thereby disregarding my right to a fair hearing.

The appeal judge noted something we missed at the time. Her daughter's statement which was snuck in at the last minute without notice to us said that she saw me holding her mother down and punching her numerous times yet in the witness box she said she didn't see that at all - her mother had told her about it. It simply didn't happen and today I was vindicated.


What I took from all of this... .

When you have a female judge :



The woman's word against your documented evidence will mostly win.

Your evidence proving you were overseas at the time of an alleged incident means nothing, because you can apparently do your dirty deeds before you board the plane or immediately on your return "to show that he has power over her"

Your word (if you're a man) means nothing as it doesn't fit the popular narrative of woman = victim, man = abuser. You must have solid documented evidence.

In general:



Give 'em enough rope and they'll hang themselves with the ever increasing number of lies that are thrown in to cover their tracks and make more trouble for you. In such case, you don't have to do anything - they'd do it all by themselves.

What I've learned from my experience:

Don't take sh!t from anyone.  Assert yourself, maintain boundaries and dump your female partner at the first sign of major disrespect.

Women will always sh!t-test you - don't fall for it.

Don't try to rescue anyone - chances are somebody tried before you and it didn't work because it can't work.

Build yourself to be a good solid man - this way you'll like yourself enough to reject anything that is not suitable.

Where I Am Today:



I had a year long relationship with a lady but it fizzled out. We are friends now and I see her more as a sister than a partner. I was at her house last night and she was the first person after my family that I shared my good news with today.

I hit Tinder and dated as many red flag chicks as possible with up to three coffee dates in one day. By the same token, I also had three coffee dates cancel at the last minute in one day. Why the red flag chicks? So that I could interview them and verify if I had correctly identified red flags just from the profile. I was right maybe 50% of the time. Some real shockers... .Some made advances on the first date, most just want a free feed which I don't do anymore (strictly 50/50 and the best part of this as that four women offered to pay the whole bill so I let them). 

The others were more then likely genuine women that I couldn't click with or I ruined it because I am not quite ready.

Am I a winner?

I certainly won the appeal today but in reality I didn't win anything. Winning is when you buy a $1 lottery ticket and you win a million. All I did today was rectify a situation that should not have occurred in the first place. It occurred because I did not recognise the red flags, didn't feel highly enough of myself to reject the pedestalisation of a siren, not maintain generally healthy boundaries and you know the rest that goes with these stories.

Thank you for reading. I feel a whole lot better now and wish everyone here a healthy outcome for your situation, whatever stage you're at on the road to recovery.

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