Is it possible for both a parent and a sibling to have BPD?

[Music in Me]

I am NC with my sibling. My father has tried unsuccessfully to get me to "get back" with her. I cannot. I am aware she is very sick, uses opiates, has eating disorder, in the middle of third divorce, etc. I have tried for twenty years plus to help, encourage her to seek therapy. I am done.

My father is not happy with my NC. I have made it clear to him I wish no contact with sibling. At this moment I am too deflated to write more.

The situation is very convoluted. I cannot go NC with father as yet. There is an entanglement involving property I own which must be sold first. I fear he will try to block the sale of it since he lives next door.

At the moment I am feeling sick in my stomach, having difficulty sleeping, and I feel hopeless. I see a good therapist every two weeks. At the moment I feel trapped.

[Kwamina]

Hi Music in Me

To answer your question, yes it most definitely is possible for both a parent and sibling to have BPD. My own mother and older sister are both uBPD (undiagnosed BPD).

You are aware that your sister has certain issues and have tried for many years to get her help. Do you feel like your sister acknowledges any of her problems at all? Has she ever perhaps in the past gotten any kind of therapy for her problems?

Your currently are NC with your sister, how long has this been been so? Going NC or not is always a highly personal decision. Whether the NC lasts for an extended period of time or not, I think it is good to use this period to work on your healing and try to find/develop new coping skills. I see you reaching out here as an important step in that direction The fact that you feel like you are done is a clear sign that after all these years of trying to help your sister, now is a good time to also start taking care of yourself and being mindful of your own well-being.

Whether your sister changes or not, whether she seeks help or not, is ultimately up to her and not something you can control. What you can control is your own behavior and how you respond to your sister.

You also mention your father, do you believe he also has BPD? If you do, what makes you think he might have BPD and when did you start to suspect this?

Feeling hopeless and trapped isn't pleasant at all. I am very sorry you are feeling this way. Having a support network can be invaluable and that's why I'm glad you have a good therapist to help you with what you are going through. I hope this forum will also be a source of support and encouragement for you so you'll feel less hopeless and trapped.

Welcome to bpdfamily

[khibomsis]

  Music in Me, and welcome to the family! It sounds like you are having a really tough time with both your father and your sister. It makes perfect sense that after 20 years of helping you feel you deserve a break. Indeed, you need to practice self-care and recharge your batteries or you might run down completely.  I find ginger and honey tea very good for an upset stomach. You must make yourself at home on this site. It has been a sanity saver for me and I am sure it will be so for you too.

Yup, it is perfectly possible. My grandfather was a vicious sadist I consider to be have been undiagnosed narcissistic borderline personality disorder. My uNBPD mother and my older brother have lived together for 20 plus years. I can never decide if he's BPD or not, he complains all the time, he tries to guilttrip me, he rages and dysregulates regularly. On the other hand when he is away from mom he can be perfectly normal after he decompresses. Maybe NBPD lite? The first official diagnosis in the family was this brother's youngest daughter, 15. We have had the diagnosis confirmed by a second therapist and a psychiatrist.

They say BPD is about 50 % heritable. My take is that one can do something about the other 50 %. Probably genetic and environmental factors need to coincide to produce fullblown BPD. But so yes, it is very common for BPD to run in families.  I suspect my brother reacts the way he does because he's around my mom always. She sucks him dry like an emotional vampire. He ends up an emotional zombie most of the time.  All he can feel is negative.

NC is something you do for you. I have been NC for various periods of time during my life. Now I try to maintain an even low to medium chill.  It doesn't give them an excuse to create drama, nor can they complain about being neglected. So while you are obliged to have contact with your father maybe you can consider how to practice that? The lessons here on the side are a great help. Like Kwamina, I too am curious how your father behaves to make you suspect BPD. Do you have other siblings or extended family?  , khib

[GeekyGirl]

Hi Music in Me,

I completely agree with Kwamina and khlbomsis. It's very possible (and some studies show that it's likely) that a mother and child can both have BPD.

I can see how the situation with your dad and sister is incredibly stressful. At the same time, Kwamina's right--the best thing you can do for yourself is to keep working on building yourself up and determine how to deal with this in the healthiest way possible. I'm glad to hear that you're in therapy--that's a great way to help you work through the feelings you're experiencing.