Who is responsible for their emotions?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 

Hey man!   

Why are you "sitting on the couch listening and thinking about this stuff"

Respect yourself, teach her to respect you. 

If she can speak to you respectfully, have a conversation with her, if not, don't.

FF

[formflier]

 

Hey man!   

Why are you "sitting on the couch listening and thinking about this stuff"

Respect yourself, teach her to respect you. 

If she can speak to you respectfully, have a conversation with her, if not, don't.

FF

[byfaith]

Hey Bro! (FF)

Ok maybe you pictured me just sitting there like a whipped puppy. I conveyed it incorrectly. After we had a "conversation" she told me to get my a$$ out and leave (as she was walking out of the room) in the past I would have jumped off the couch and been right there in her space.

I didn't respond right away. I thought about what I was going to say. Choosing to tell her that she needs to be the one to leave and not me because this is my house, was not the best choice.

Here is the problem, we both seem to be attempting in the early stages of a conversation to employ the communication tactics from MC. The conversation degrades at some point and spirals out of control leading to the stuff I was describing in this post.

When I let her know the next day that I never want to be referred to by her ex husbands name ever again she proceeds to justify why she called me that. At that point I could continue down the road of trying to get some kind of confession from her that she was wrong or I could salvage the remainder of the day and have a conflict free next few days.

to be honest I feel like a failure at dealing with two mentally ill people ( my wife and step son). I prefer to say my wife is emotionally disturbed. It's wearing me out. I feel like I gain some ground and then end up taking 5 steps backwards.

[formflier]

  The conversation degrades at some point and spirals out of control

identify that and walk away, leave that subject alone.  This is obviously big picture advice.

In the past couple days I have "led" by walking out of conversations that became unproductive.  Yes, wife's words followed me out the door and even this morning she came out and "reprimanded" me in front of the kids.

My response was to stay calm, ask her to go discuss privately (to her credit she did).  I listened to her concern in private for one minute.  Reiterated that I needed a break from the conversation and stated my expectations (also the expectations of the MC) on "taking breaks" from conversations and I left the room again, this time with words following me again.

To her credit, she has not "corrected" me again in front of the kids.

Throughout it all, I remained "kind but firm".

She is in charge of how she remains.

Now, to your situation.  I think you are doing well.  Likely better than I would do.  Keep pushing to exit unproductive conversations.

FF