communicating?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I have an ex sister in law who is BPD and so I am which sucks. Sometimes I forget because I don't think about others like I should. Anyway, I have been really angry that she divorced my brother. They have been in an ugly custody battle for years. Long story short, I screwed up and went to prison over something that had nothing to do with them. I got home 3 months ago. My sister begged and begged to let our nephew come visit her during my brother's visitation and recently I was told that in order for him to be allowed to come out, my brother had to promise his ex that he would not be around me. Which means I cannot see my sister or my neices and my mom when she goes over there. I sent my sis in law an email trying to fix the situation but just made it a disaster. My mom is now worried she is going to make my brother bring him home thus upsetting my mom and my sister, at me! Am I being unreasonable by being upset over this? Or is she right to use my felony conviction as a reason for me not to see my own nephew while he is with my sister? Any advice? Naturally I felt rejected and abandoned and that causes an emotional storm with me that I cannot tolerate.

[flygirl1986]

I have an ex sister in law who is BPD and so I am which sucks. Sometimes I forget because I don't think about others like I should. Anyway, I have been really angry that she divorced my brother. They have been in an ugly custody battle for years. Long story short, I screwed up and went to prison over something that had nothing to do with them. I got home 3 months ago. My sister begged and begged to let our nephew come visit her during my brother's visitation and recently I was told that in order for him to be allowed to come out, my brother had to promise his ex that he would not be around me. Which means I cannot see my sister or my neices and my mom when she goes over there. I sent my sis in law an email trying to fix the situation but just made it a disaster. My mom is now worried she is going to make my brother bring him home thus upsetting my mom and my sister, at me! Am I being unreasonable by being upset over this? Or is she right to use my felony conviction as a reason for me not to see my own nephew while he is with my sister? Any advice? Naturally I felt rejected and abandoned and that causes an emotional storm with me that I cannot tolerate.

[jdtm]

Parents have the "right" to make decisions for their children.  The rest of us do not get a vote.  It is what it is - sorry ... .

[Moselle]

Hi flygirl1986. It sounds like you are in the middle of a tough family situation at the moment, and I am very sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now, but it is great to see you reaching out for advice. Am I correct in assuming from your post that you, along with your ex-sister in law, are diagnosed with BPD?

This site is a support group for those who are, or were in a relationship with a person with BPD, so many of the posts can be triggering to a BPD sufferer. There are other resources which can assist you and who may be able to offer some useful advice. Please check out:



Resources for BPD Sufferers.

Thanks for reaching out to our community and I hope you can find resolution to your family issues.

[Kwamina]

Hi flygirl1986 ,

This is a very difficult and unpleasant situation indeed.

Moselle is right about the target audience of this board. As a result, since you have BPD yourself, you might find some of the posts here triggering. Having said that, you are also dealing with a BPD ex-inlaw. I am very sorry you are having these problems with your ex sister-in-law. I can imagine how hard it must be for you not being able to see your nephew.

Have you talked with your brother about this situation? How does he feel about the promise he made his ex?

Take care