Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have felt so horrible regarding my stbxBPDw.  I so missed those different times of happiness, loving, considerate, and thoughtful ways she used to be. My hurt was debilitating, crippling me to even function. I suffered so much from this r/s.

But after learning about this disorder and getting a thorough deep understanding as it pertains exactly to my ex, I have reached a point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, being in no mood for a mood so now things have changed with me.

I want to avoid this BPDer like the plague! I can't stand seeing her. Unfortunately we have children together but I'll try NCing her as much as possible.  I am truly done with her but not quite yet of understanding this dead r/s so I am conducting an autopsy.

I am researching and I am beginning to theorize that BPDers seem to have a dysfunctional amygdala. The amygdala is close to the brain stem effecting emotion and memory. It is the more primitive, instinctual area of the brain. The BPDer's basic emotions are perpetually turned more inward than outward. Hence their home field advantage of going stone cold as opposed of showing outward compassion.

Maybe this is why they can go through attracting, idolizing, controlling, devaluing, discarding then replacing and starting a new cycle with speed and ease. The outpouring of their love that comes early in the r/s is eventually retracted for usually no good reason but primitive thinking of and all about them. All their "stuff" is done strictly for their personal gain where they can shut off their cares about others at will. They can simply become robotic and void of any reminiscing or concern of the discarded and leaves the NON devastated in their wake.

I am glad my war is coming to an end. I still have my wounds and battle scars with more skirmishes probably to come, but I have this new information giving me strength. I am in a better place now to know that I have come to terms what was never to be.
 
No, BPD is definitely my type, I won't get fooled again. I need to live my own life for now on.

[StayStrongNow]

I have felt so horrible regarding my stbxBPDw.  I so missed those different times of happiness, loving, considerate, and thoughtful ways she used to be. My hurt was debilitating, crippling me to even function. I suffered so much from this r/s.

But after learning about this disorder and getting a thorough deep understanding as it pertains exactly to my ex, I have reached a point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, being in no mood for a mood so now things have changed with me.

I want to avoid this BPDer like the plague! I can't stand seeing her. Unfortunately we have children together but I'll try NCing her as much as possible.  I am truly done with her but not quite yet of understanding this dead r/s so I am conducting an autopsy.

I am researching and I am beginning to theorize that BPDers seem to have a dysfunctional amygdala. The amygdala is close to the brain stem effecting emotion and memory. It is the more primitive, instinctual area of the brain. The BPDer's basic emotions are perpetually turned more inward than outward. Hence their home field advantage of going stone cold as opposed of showing outward compassion.

Maybe this is why they can go through attracting, idolizing, controlling, devaluing, discarding then replacing and starting a new cycle with speed and ease. The outpouring of their love that comes early in the r/s is eventually retracted for usually no good reason but primitive thinking of and all about them. All their "stuff" is done strictly for their personal gain where they can shut off their cares about others at will. They can simply become robotic and void of any reminiscing or concern of the discarded and leaves the NON devastated in their wake.

I am glad my war is coming to an end. I still have my wounds and battle scars with more skirmishes probably to come, but I have this new information giving me strength. I am in a better place now to know that I have come to terms what was never to be.
 
No, BPD is definitely my type, I won't get fooled again. I need to live my own life for now on.

[zonnebloem]

Hello!

I am sick and tired of being bored and lonely.
It is the reason a person with BD can fiscinate me... .I liked the way my ex-Bd
had "no borders"... we would go on trips, he would stand under a waterfall and I would go over my comfortzone and I'd go in the waterfall too... .
great! If he had more limits, we would have had less fun.
Now I'm left ... .bored.
Thanks for sharing

[UnforgivenII]

I am sick and tired to suffer. I want to be happy and loved. I do not want to be scolded or hated or lectured over nothing. I am sick and tired of begging love. They can defend themselves as they like. Far from me!

[zonnebloem]

 

I am sick and tired too to be sad,
to be the one who's realionship has brokenoff (again)
to beg for love,

to be alone in te crowd,
alone in my house,

to receive texted messages from my ex: "love you so much, so very much you stupid animal"

I'dlove to get a life!

[StayStrongNow]

I too was lonely, the loneliest times were after I dropped off my three children at my stbxBPDw's place and going back to my apartment to an empty, silent place where moments before were filled with laughs, smiles and fun. Yes happiness, while living with the recent loss of my youngest daughter dying after 25 months and in the process of the divorce she initiated.

I am a healthy physically and emotionally man and I believe part of reason I am this way is because I do cry, albeit alone, but I do, sometimes consistently once a day. BTW I have learned that certain toxins can only leave via the tear ducts. So for more reasons than one, I believe it's healthy to cry.

Things have changed so fast recently, I'll make this as brief as possible, because of all her self harm and other "stuff", I now have the kids full time and I have had them for the last 10 months, I am never alone. Also my self taught education of BPD and NPD have given me a true picture of what has been and is going on.

Still I cry, for many reasons but one is because the person I was planning on being with the rest of my life has BPD. A marriage of 9 1/2 years has failed and my three children and I have been extremely hurt.

I do want to describe a new type of cry I have, yes I am still sad about all this but some new feeling is emerging. My cries are becoming celebrations that I am a caring, loving person who cares about the feelings of others. The BPD is more concerned about themselves which is the heart and soul of their disorder. I don't have BPD and now I really celebrate it when I cry.

I am not ready for my next new r/s but when I am, I know there is somewhere, a person for me who I will find.  And somewhere a person will find me. I am content in waiting for I am sure it will be worth the wait. Meanwhile I'll walk slowly on.

[UnforgivenII]

For sure you will. For sure! We deserve happiness. We deserve not to be treated in this way. Hugs on your way. You are not crying alone. I do cry too. My tears show I have the tools to go out from this. And I will.

[teapay]

SSN,

Sounds like you're on a great track.  Keep focus on being healthy, making healthy decisions and trying to make a healthy environment for your kids.  It will take you far.  Definitely farther than not doing that.  It's a boon that you have your kids with you and have that leverage on your side.

Strong9, who went through something similar, once posted that the emotionally stable and healthy individual will ultimately carry the day over the unstable individual.  I've found that to be the case too.

[Zinnia21]

I too understand the pain of the mystery of being discarded. Three years in, fourth breakup last night. And each breakup means the realisation of the total finality of it all, and feeling you can never have that beautiful love back.  So when they come back you cling and work at it again... .it's so hard.
No matter how much my ex (as of last night!) hurt me, I still loved, I still clung to hope. I even stepped back for a while to give him space to come to me, to make sure I wasn't 'convincing' him with MY love...
Yet here I am again. Here WE are! Talking to the only other people who truly understand the horror of a BPD relationship.

I really feel for you having kids involved and for your heartbreaking circumstances. I'm glad you're surrounded by them. My son brings me so much happiness too. They will ultimately have happier lives by not being surrounded by irrational uncontrolled people.

Thanks for sharing your story, and inspiring me with the fact you are moving through the stages of acceptance. I hope I can get there sooner than the other breakups! I can't go back, I really know that now. My phone is blocked on both ends, nothing getting through! No accusations, no
empty 'sorry but I can't', nothing.
We can only try and move on, live in peace... .

[zonnebloem]

 

Sounds good! Strong you are to recover, tears as celebration.

Don't know if you followed my story?

I texted my "ex" BPD that I had enough, that I cannot cope anymore with him being abroad with his daughter, telling me that he's in a "nearly-incest-situation" with her.

I know it is MY fault for not moving on!

I texted and he rang... .he asks me to be strong enough to see through this week. He says he is in the way to France to camp. As he rings he says that he has forgotten his tent... .I told him I want him to get 2 tents.
He say's he'll buy 2 tents so I feel more relaxed about it.
I must not think about the fact that they go where I'd love to be, a place that he knows thanks to me.
I ask him if it is going to be that way again next year?
He says he feels now that it is realy hard on me.
Before he would not feel empathy... .he would yell at me and defend the way e acts.
So... .he says that he has asked his eldest daughter (25) to look for a friend to travel with next year. That it has been the last time with him or with the 3 of them, his siter.
He says... .hold on, be strong and next Saturday we can be together.

I told him I have had enough.
After a year of therapy where he's been told NOT to give in so much towards his daughters... .So crazy.

I know it is difficult for him to have youngest in co-parenting and yes, he wants to be such a good parent that he does way too much. Many people have told him this over the years.

A therapist told me that it is not my job to sort this BPD-family out and I thought I was strong enough to handle it. But... .Jesus... .nearly-incest is a crime.

Sure I am foolish for not to move on.I feel I still want to be in control altough we have split up! Silly me,, feels like begging;

One good thing: I went to have cofee in a home where disabled people make all sorts of things. I walked out feeling that I am a kind lady (for I had a nice chat with the 3 people) and I hovered my car and I said kindly "hello" to the neigbour.

I may not think about the fact that I wanted to go camping with my ex.
I don't even love him but I do want to be in his life;
Is that selfish?