Out of the blue, Ex-wife contacted me

[Depression = 72% of members]

So just before going to bed last night, I plug my phone in to see an email from my ex-wife (separated 7 months) We have been NC for about 9 weeks.

Anyways she hasn't sent more than 3 lines of text to me since we split. I get a long email about how I've accused her of cheating and I'm mistaken and how she misses me but if I don't understand her (about not cheating) it's good for her. She mentioned she has only told the truth about me that I'm a good person (not true, she started a smear campaign)

It was a lot of waffle but since she has replaced my replacement I can't help but feel she was throwing out the feelers again.

Anyways despite better judgement I simply told her I wasn't bad mouthing her, I was simply looking for closure because I got none. I asked her to explain my replacement because I caught her in an outright lie.

Anyways I wake up to an email she sent at 3am. A very long winded 'closure' email how she tells me she quickly and oftenly (is that a word) falls in love with a man's fullest potential, not the man himself. basically how she is continually disappointed because she stays in relationships longer than she should waiting for the man to meet his potential.

She had a dig saying I didn't support her when she moved interstate, I chose money over her happiness, blah blah her her her her.

In fact in her own words she even outlined idealisation, devaluation and discard of me, it was bizarre!

She finished by saying she will never email me again and not to reply.

Again against my better judgement I sent another reply, I told her about my hours of research about BPD, how I think she has traits of it and how I was desperately trying to get us into counselling for this right at the end. How sad I was she chose to immediately be with another man rather than work on 'us'. I wished her all the best.

Sorry for the long reply, just a confusing day. I think I've worked out the gist of this

-She is looking for a secure attachment. She remembers the good times and for a moment I was painted white. She was seeking validation, attention from me, who knows maybe even the beginning of a recycle.
-I did not meet her expectations in her reply, I did not validate, I questioned her infidelity
-She went straight back to painting me black, gave me a lacklustre 'closure' in which she accepted very little responsibility for our relationship breakdown.


What was scary was when I got that first email, where she played down her infidelity, for about 10 seconds I Seriously questioned my own recollection of things. Luckily I'm very logical and the evidence stacked against her came back to light and I quickly dismissed her 'recollection' of events. I know what happened. Facts outweigh her words.

I NEVER thought I would get an email. EVER. I'm overall happy with how I handled it. I didn't sleep too well and I dreamt about her, however I'm strangely detached through all of this. You might even say indifferent. I don't think I'll be contacted again.

[Ahoy]

So just before going to bed last night, I plug my phone in to see an email from my ex-wife (separated 7 months) We have been NC for about 9 weeks.

Anyways she hasn't sent more than 3 lines of text to me since we split. I get a long email about how I've accused her of cheating and I'm mistaken and how she misses me but if I don't understand her (about not cheating) it's good for her. She mentioned she has only told the truth about me that I'm a good person (not true, she started a smear campaign)

It was a lot of waffle but since she has replaced my replacement I can't help but feel she was throwing out the feelers again.

Anyways despite better judgement I simply told her I wasn't bad mouthing her, I was simply looking for closure because I got none. I asked her to explain my replacement because I caught her in an outright lie.

Anyways I wake up to an email she sent at 3am. A very long winded 'closure' email how she tells me she quickly and oftenly (is that a word) falls in love with a man's fullest potential, not the man himself. basically how she is continually disappointed because she stays in relationships longer than she should waiting for the man to meet his potential.

She had a dig saying I didn't support her when she moved interstate, I chose money over her happiness, blah blah her her her her.

In fact in her own words she even outlined idealisation, devaluation and discard of me, it was bizarre!

She finished by saying she will never email me again and not to reply.

Again against my better judgement I sent another reply, I told her about my hours of research about BPD, how I think she has traits of it and how I was desperately trying to get us into counselling for this right at the end. How sad I was she chose to immediately be with another man rather than work on 'us'. I wished her all the best.

Sorry for the long reply, just a confusing day. I think I've worked out the gist of this

-She is looking for a secure attachment. She remembers the good times and for a moment I was painted white. She was seeking validation, attention from me, who knows maybe even the beginning of a recycle.
-I did not meet her expectations in her reply, I did not validate, I questioned her infidelity
-She went straight back to painting me black, gave me a lacklustre 'closure' in which she accepted very little responsibility for our relationship breakdown.


What was scary was when I got that first email, where she played down her infidelity, for about 10 seconds I Seriously questioned my own recollection of things. Luckily I'm very logical and the evidence stacked against her came back to light and I quickly dismissed her 'recollection' of events. I know what happened. Facts outweigh her words.

I NEVER thought I would get an email. EVER. I'm overall happy with how I handled it. I didn't sleep too well and I dreamt about her, however I'm strangely detached through all of this. You might even say indifferent. I don't think I'll be contacted again.

[Mutt]

Hi Ahoy,

She may say that she'll never contact you today but she may contact you again in the future, all or nothing thinking. I think that she outlined that she won't come clean about her infidelity and good for you for sticking by your better judgment.

[married21years]

damn that's familiar

the denial of the cheating, but i have evidence.

they will never own up you are looking at this through your eyes not theirs

reality is distorted to remove their pain so they never cheated and it was all your fault

good luck escaping!